ARGH! Feeling like a huge pink blob

Horrible day today..First, I fell out of bed this morning when wrestling with my 10 year old daughter...Bruised my arm and my leg and hip...Then, I wore my new pink fuzzy sweater,,,pretty and warm...but everytime i looked in the mirror i saw a huge pink blob...It's like seeing the old me again.....It's so hard to get that picture out of my brain...the last couple of days I have been looking at some old pictures of me, and that is just so depressing....I mean, I am not at my goal weight, but I am a 14/16, and that is a good size for me, but today, that huge pinkness really bore into my brain...the other thing is that I know I am a 14/16, sometimes a 12 in pants, but i have this dread that if I tell people that 's the size I am they will just look at me and laugh an say, no way, you're way bigger than a 14/16...You're just so BIG!!! I am normally pretty balanced with this whole thing, but little incidents here and there make me doubt my self... And I am just generally in a funk today. The huge pinkness really got to me.... Oh well, talk to you later, Love, Dorota

okay so no more pink- you look like a jewel tone type anyway!!! Everybody has days when they feel like poop about themselves-the internal programming is a b---h. But you know in the logical part of your brain you aren't a huge pink blob. So push the illogical self depricating thoughts out with new ones- who was that guy on SNL? "I'm good enough I'm smart enough and gosh darn it people like me" !!!!

"I'm good enough I'm smart enough and gosh darn it people like me" !!!! That put a smile on my face. Thank you so much Bernadette..... Love, Dorota

Hi Dorota: Baby steps of healing... I say. My belief is that we don't become morbidly obese without some food issues... body issues. Each of us at varying degrees... We are all different. But what I do see quite often, is this part of us that can be more toxic in thinking (me included!) that just pops up at the most inopportune times. And bottom line for me? It makes me hungry! What I am trying to say is... It is those very times that we need to be our own "champion". ...be gentle with yourself. ...be kind and loving to that new you. ...give yourself all the kudos you so deserve that you have gotten this far. Here's something that a friend taught me many years ago... a mental exercise of sorts... for every bad thing you say about yourself... you need to say 3 GOOD THINGS ABOUT YOU. 3 good things... I am "fill in the blank". Try it out. Not as easy as one would think. And finally, I have begun to EMBRACE that part of me that is critical, seeing that it is the softest part of me really scared to live life without using food as my coping mechanism. I have discovered, that when I embraced it (like a child that is acting out), it calms down and comes along on the ride of this healing journey we all find ourselves on post op. Be well. we do this journey TOGETHER. Bravo for reaching out. Towanda

Towanda, YOu brought tears to my eyes....I see the truth in what you said....that is the most vulnerable part of me, the part that ,when i was little, cried when kids made fun of me because i was big, the part that just can't believe i am succeeding at this, the part that thinks i will ultimately fail at everything i do.....It does need embracing....The strong me, the one who can handle most things thrown at me, the one who KNOWS I can succeed, that part is usually the one "on top"....and I really need to learn how to react, how to cope, when the other me comes to the surface....This I promise you, I will work at embracing it, I WILL! Thank you SO much, Love, Dorota

Watch out world... HERE COMES "PRETTY IN PINK" Dorota! What healthy healthy people we become! YOU GO GIRL! TOGETHER... never alone in this journey. And might I say? CT board IS AWESOME, aren't we? Towanda

Hi Dorota, I'm kind of going through the same thing...I had my surgery on 9/28. I've lost (including pre op loss) about 54 pounds so far. My pants are hanging on me...BUT, I'm petrified to try on any new pants for fear that they'll still not fit me. I'm feeling that I'll still need the old size 30/32 or 26/28. Or the new sizes will still be too tight on me. I guess our brains like to play tricks on us. I keep saying, a few more pounds and I'll try on a new pair of pants. Maybe for Christmas...It's weird thinking. I guess I'm just SO used to feeling like such a failure when in the dressing room with trying on clothes and they wouldn't fit, that I'm scared that the same will happen. Now, I'm not going to take a size 18 in there and try to get into it, just a size down from where I was... Oh, well. I guess we've got some "head" things to deal with along with the new eating. I bet you looked beautiful in the pink sweater, but your old "image" of you is still engrained into your brain. Plus, we're used to the old dreaded "black" from the old days too! Paula

Hey Dorota, I know exactly how you feel sweetie, I look at myself sometimes and still see myself as a 30-32 glob. I am in an 18 and still don't feel great yet. I get in those funks too. I am stuck at a weight that is driving me mad. I want to lose 50 more lbs and I can't seem to get past this weight of 220 I am in now. Sometimes I get so scared thinking I am going to go right back to where I started. But I know in my heart I have come this far and I will succeed eventually. Just take it day by day and don't listen to other people and there comments or opinions. They don't understand or realize what they are saying. Your doing great and you look wonderful. Hugs KimC

Too bad we aren't like computers- your brain just needs an upgrade to the new version- your software is obsolete!!!! You need a new internal program!!! There should be a class on this after the surgery- " how to internalize your new external self"

Hey You! Will hear none of this" Doubting yourself! You look Terrific !! You worked hard to get where you are and you deserve every bit of the glory! So, Just glow with your success young Lady! Have a great day! Julio