Talking about WLS with spouse/SO

I don't know why, but it's so hard for me to talk to my husband about my weight. He has no problem telling me what he weighs and by him just cutting down on what he eats, he has lost 25 pounds since May. That is so frustrating to me. The one time that I did talk to him about my weight I got really upset about it and he just didn't get it. Otherwise, he's very supportive of everything I do, I just can't open up to him about my weight. I know that he knows how much I weigh, when I delivered our son in February the anestesologist had to know, and of course he asked me when everyone was there. So I know that he knows the number. Why is it so hard to talk about it? I really want him to know that I'm investigating WLS but I am so afraid of him just shooting the thought down. My mother had the Lap band procedure from Dr. Ehrlich in February and is doing well with it, for her it was the "last straw". I know that I can talk to her about it, but I still don't. I am just sick of losing the same 30 pounds over and over again, only to gain it back and then some. That's how I got here. I keep saying that my body "hides it well", which it does, but then I see pictures and realize that I'm just a skinny person trapped in my body. I need to change that. Thanks for your help, this site has been so helpful... more than anyone will realize. Lisa

Hi, Lisa! Dr. Ehrlich did MY band back in December of 03 and, chances are, I've probably met your Mom at some point. I can't honestly say that I can relate directly to your problem, and I am CERTAINLY no expert on psychology, but I can offer my thoughts on it, for what they're worth. While I can't say that I ever refused to tell my husband my weight preoperatively, I know for a fact that I never offered it up voluntarily. Society would like us - women, specifically - to believe that we are unacceptable above a certain weight number or dress size. For women, it's an absurd number, like 110 pounds. It's depressing and a sad statement about our society when you can ask 100 men if they would date a woman who weighs 145 (the average woman's weight) and have the majority of them say "no." It can be painful to admit, to ourselves or anyone else, that we weigh any number over the "acceptable standard" - whether it's weighing 150 pounds, 250 pounds or 350 pounds. It's painful to realize that we allowed ourselves to reach the weight that we have, and doubly shameful to admit to just about anyone else. Think about it: we're mortified to see it on our own scale at home, and far more horrified to have it be seen on the scale at the doctor's office. Private shame is bad enough, but public shame is magnified. That's why the Puritans managed to make such good use of it as punishment. (laughs) I hate to say it, but what you're feeling may be . . . NORMAL! So, that's my two cents. If you get another 50 people to chime in, you'll have a dollar. Bette

Lisa, Your not alone in this. I have been in the same boat as you. You feel like nobody understands what you are going through. Take a deep breath and relax, your not alone. Your husband will understand once you go through all of the processes and you succeed at the surgery and weightloss when you decide to do this. My husband did not understand how I felt until I started getting ill. He thought I was comfortable at my weight because he thought I was happy, but deep down I was hiding how I really felt. Don't do that, tell him how you feel, tell him what your thinking, share everything together. He will be your greatest support through all of this. Believe me when I say my husband loves me so deeply that he is always there for me through good and bad. I don't think you need to worry, you will get through this, we are all here for you too. Whenever you need a question answered or just for a shoulder. You keep positive and make the choices that are good for you and nobody else. Good luck to you and God Bless. Hugs KimC

Hi Lisa, Just to give you a guys point of view, He may just love you for who you are. Us guys can be a tad oblivious at times and you may need to sit him down and just lay it out for him. When my wife wated the surgery 2 years ago I was surprized that she would go thru such a drastic experence to lose weight. We were both obese but at the time the thought of surgery was beyond me at the time. What drove me to the surgery was when my doctor put me on blood pressure meds. I was already diabetic and the blood pressure meds put me over the top. So, sit that man of yours down and talk it out. Good bet he will get it then. Good Luck, Julio

I don't know if your surgeon does an info session like Dr. Aranow, but why not take him to that if it is offerd this way he can get all the info right from the dr. If your surgeon doesn't have an info session and you think you can make it to middletown, go to Dr.A's session. That is what I did with DH and he was the one to say yep .... I trust him and the surgery. Good luck. I know how you feel. I felt the same and was really relieved when he said that. Parents were another story.

Lisa I am right there with ya!!!! Hubby does not support me at all and rolls his eyes when I talk about it........I am so glad I have this board to talk about how I feel, and get support. And yes, parents ARE another story, same with Grandparents, friends etc etc etc............................THANK GOD for this board and Angels!!! xoxoxoxoxox MaryJo ~Bethany