I need this boards support :(

Hi everyone, Im so sad right now because I thought I had the support of my family but now I dont. I am in waiting to have Gastric Bypass. At first I thought LapBand was the way to go, and my family was not thrilled but supported me as long as I didnt go for GB. After lots of research I have choosen to go the Gastric Bypass route and my family is not happy. My husband keeps asking me why? My mom and dad think its so drastic and my sister's are just plain scared. I am soooooooooooooooo 100% confident in my choice, that I m not budging, so I just want you all to know that I need you guys....I love reading your posts!!! If anyone went through this same thing can you share your story with me. My family knows that I am doing this, and they will stand by me but Im just sad and annoyed that they are not as supportive as I thought they would be Does this make sense? maybe Im rambling......

Hi Bethany, I didn't quite have that problem with my family but I anticpated it so I had a list of reasons why "preventive weight loss surgery" is better than "reactive proceedures" to cure weight related medical issues down the road. I explained that I would love their support in my WLS now rather than a few years from now when I am diagnosed with diabetes or, God forbid, I have a heart attack, stroke etc due to all the extra weight. Giving me their support if I had a heart attack isn't what I wanted. I want their support to prevent these things and live a healty life. They agreed. I am going for the lapband (and infact scheduled for surgery on July 5) and everyone is onboard with my decision now. Maybe if you request their support NOW with surgery rather than support when you come down with medical issues, they might undestand and cooperate. Best of luck to you.

Bethany: Just remember that you are not doing this for THEM; you are doing this for YOU. You can't change anyone's mind, so don't waste the time and energy trying. I know that our support is no substitute for you family's, but we'll do our best. Regardless of which procedure you choose, you are making the choice to start on the path to a better and healthier life. Keep your chin up, and know that we are all here for you! Bette

Bethany, Sit down and talk with your husband, take him to some support groups with you and let him meet some people and listen to their stories of how this surgery has changed their lives. I am sorry that I am not experiencing your same problem with support, but this is a long road and you do need a lot of support. I am scheduled on Monday to undergo bypass but have two close friends who have done it. Yes it is a scary thing but I am only 34 and do have diabetes and high blood pressure. The medical benefits are sooo worth it. Just do it for you, not for them. It is your health and your life. It will be the best decision you have made, it will not be easy but worth it. Sue.

Thank you everyone for your support and kind words.............. making me feel a lot better!!!

Hi, Bethany! I'm lucky that my family is supportive, but I still get most of my support from the wonderful members of this board, along with people at the Middlesex and Hamden support groups. I don't know how I would have gotten thru (or would continue to get thru) everything I've been facing along my journey, especially since I'm also going thru a divorce (since 3 months prior to WLS). No matter how supportive an "outsider" may try to be, no one can understand or relate to you like someone who is (or has been) where you are. That's why I'm also in a divorce support group. As far as getting your family to be more on your side, besides the suggestion someone else made that your husband attend support group meetings with you, someone at a support group meeting once said that he brought the least supportive member of his family with him to meet with his surgeon and have her questions answered. That completely turned her around and then she convinced the rest of his family that he was doing the right thing. You might want to try that if your surgeon agrees. But no matter what, remember that we are here for you. Hugs, Debby

Bethany, You will always have the support you need here. You will find that those that fully don't understand the process won't understand why you want to do this. You need to do what's right for you and don't let anyone change your mind. It would be good if you could try and get your husband to attend a support group with you to make him more comfortable with the procedure. He is probably scared that if you change too much you may not want him anymore. All you can do is keep reassuring him that that is not the case. Hopefully he will begin to understand. In time hopefully your family will as well. If this is what you want, then I say do it. You have to do what is right for you. Maggie

Bethany: I wavered between the 2 surgeries for a while. Thankfully my family and circle of friends were supportive of either choice. I made sure that I had done all the research that I could and was able to answer any questions that they might have had. That helped a lot. Perhaps you can show them around this website and let them read for themselves how much all our lives have improved having lost the weight with the help of our surgeries. I gave away a lot of information when I was making my decision, I had one person who was very against the surgery. Unfortunatly, we don't speak anymore because I could not have her and her negativity around me. As Bette said, this is about you and what you need to get your life back on track, to be healthy and to be a real participant in life. I wish you much luck and hope that the family sees how important this is to you and most of all, for you. All the best, Bob

I hope everything has worked out for you. My family was not supportive of the surgery. My boyfriend didn't think that I needed to do something so drastic but he told me that whatever I decided he would support me. My adult children were against it. My mother and sister were terribly against it. I knew I would get that reaction from my mother and sister so I didn't tell them about the surgery until the month before I was scheduled for it. I did tell my kids that I was thinking of doing this and they knew I was going to the support groups and doctor. Once I had my date I told them of it. MY very physically fit size 2 daughter was very upset. She still to this day believes that I should have gone about weight loss on my own. But she does enjoy going shopping with me and is very proud of what I've done. The day of my surgery my older son and my daughter took me to the hospital. They waited with me until it was my turn. Just before I had to go in my daughter turned to me and said we can get up right now and walk out of here. No one would say a word against you for that. She stayed with me when I came home from the hospital the first 2 nights. I was fine alone but she was concerned. It was nice having her here just for company! Now everyone is fine its over a year for me. Even my mother has said to me that I look great dna she guesses that the surgery was ok for me. My sister is heavy and has had a rough time adjusting to me being the smaller one now. Last month was the first time that she seemed ok with it. I'm now down to 161 pounds, lost 116 so far, was wearing size 26 clothes that were too tight Now wearing size 8 & 10's. I had the surgery for health reasons and feel fantasticically wonderful!!!!! My health issues have all been taken care of. Being smaller makes me feel like I'm normal. I no longer feel like people are staring at me making fun of my size. Men hold dooors open for me! I get checked out! Now thats a riot! I'm still the me I always was I'm just smaller. I also went to the bahama's last month. For the first time in my whole life I kayaked with my boyfriend. Last year I never would have been able to get my butt in the boat! Life is great. Good luck and god bless, Pam

Hi I am sorry your family are not 100 percent support you but if you bring your family to support group to meet post op like us and we can share our experiences to your family. I think you should come down Summer Gathering Party on July 16th to meet alot of people there and your fmaily can meet other people and learn more about it then maybe they can support you 100 percent. It is normal for your fmaily to be nervous but the more they meet post op people and ask more question to your doctor about surgery then they will feel better . I am glad you came to this CT Message board to talk with us because we are 100 percent support you all the way Hugs Kathy K