Officially a failure

Hi guys, Just checking in to rant. Things have been so hectic lately. I feel like such a failure. I really think I've lost my "tool". I haven't lost an ounce in like 3 months, even though my clothes were falling off. Even that's stopped. I haven't lost another size at all. I can eat WAY TOO MUCH. Things that used to make me full just looking at them, I can now eat w/o a problem. I guess this is the end of the road for me. I'm destined to be fat, b/c I cannot get myself to do the things I need to do. Now, not only am I fat, but I'm fat and have all this extra skin hanging off of me. I'm destined to be the failures you read about. I wish I could go back to eating 1-2 oz. of food like in the beginning. Life was so much simpler then. I don't have time for exercise right now, be it weather or working 63 hours a week, it's just not happening. Even if I did have the time, isn't exercise the answer for everyone, essentially? I guess I should be thankful for the 125 that I did lose.. and trust me, I am thankful, but I didn't think my train would stop so short. UGGGGHHH. I'm just so disappointed. Take care, Michelle

Michelle, don't throw in the towel yet. Just go back to basics like the stage 2 diet. I have been told by several people that you can shrink your pouch back by going back to liquids and soft foods for a week or so. Please, please don't call yourself a failure and don't give in yet. You can get back on track, I know you can. If you need a shoulder, please feel free to email me. I don't want to see you give up and will do everything I can to help you keep on trucking. Big hug to you, Maggie

Michelle, You are not a failure! I was having a really hard time for a while too. I had surgery in July and by the end of Dec. my weight loss came to a screeching hault! I was devasted cuz I only lost like 60 lbs at that time. I was just a mess...started doing all the wrong stuff again...then I bought Walk Away the Pounds video by Leslie Sansone (at the suggestion of someone on the boards). I started exercising (it only takes 30 mins) and I've started to lose again. So PLEASE don't give up and for heaven sake, don't call yourself a failure! Look how well you've done! Good luck, and keep us informed. JA

Hi Michelle You are not failure!! You can go back to start all over like go support group, see someone who can help you with eat program, try to find buddy to excercise with and one day a time. You did a great job lost some weights . write down food log and excercise log on your book to keep track if you do nto have time to use our logs on this message board. Hugs Kathy K

Take some comfort in knowing that somewhere, deep inside of you, you want to regain the control that you have obviously excerted over your relationship with food for the past year-- after all, why else would you have posted your rant publicly? So, knowing that you still have the desire to go back to basics, you now need a strategy to make it work. First, consider finding a mentor (or buddy) from your support group, someone who is familiar with your surgeon's program and who can help to redirect you. Secondly, try to evaluate if part of your issue with food is that there were new stresses introduced into your life (or unfullfilled expectations) for which you are now seeking comfort in food; if this is the case, having a professional with whom to talk could be a great benefitl. Third, think about the foods you are consuming; if you are back to the carbs, then your body could be responding to all the chemical triggers that carbs prompt (which could explain why you are overeating and ignoring the rules for your post-operative eating). So, by going cold turkey with the carbs, you might find some help in avoiding over-eating. Now, for the more general things to consider. Sure, you could beat yourself up over not losing more weight (even though more than 100 pounds for a woman in less than one year is extraordinary). You could wallow in what you perceive to be your lost opportunity (but, unless you have somehow traded in your pouch for your old stomach, opportunities to control your relationship with food still await you). And of course, you are perfectly entitled to worry about how others might perceive you if you don't reach a pre-set goal weight (even though we all tell ourselves that we have the surgery for ourselves). Listen, life is hard and life after surgery takes so many twists and turns as we refashion eating rules through our stages that it is easy to consider post-operative life as challenging as the obese life we sought to escape. But, in reality, life's challenges are better handled when you are healthy and when are staying at least one step ahead of your food demons. And, you are certainly as deserving as any one of us to enjoy those advantages.

Michelle- You have done so well 125 lbs gone forever! You have this wonderful tool your doctor gave you and its there forever! Its there for you to use...for now, and always. You are NOT a failure..you are a success and a beautiful one at that! Now for the tough love...Snap out of it! Do you need to work so much? If you cannot cut your hours...then step back and do something for yourself...take some time..just for Michelle. You deserve it. Exercise..is the key..I just know it. My weight loss has come to a halt lately..but the exercise is helping me lose inches..I do not measure..but I can feel it in my clothes. I swear by the Walk Away the Pounds Videos.. I have an extra DVD of one I already bought...that has a one mile walk (20 min) and a two mile walk (40 min) workout on them. Even with all the hrs you are working..you can surely fit in 20 min three or four times a week...for this. Anything is better than nothing! If you email me privately with your home address I will send it to you.... I am glad you vented here on the boards...where you will get the usual love, support and kick in the pants-that WE ALL need from time to time. Keep your chin up...and know that there are people here who understand and support you. XOXO Joanie

((((Michelle))))), It must be so frightening when you get so close to goal and realize that the wonderful "honeymoon" phase is ending. I can only imagine the fear and anxiety you must be feeling with the challenge to continue on this journey without the security the honeymoon phase gave you. I think this must be the most difficult part, even more so than enduring the surgery itself because those old habits of comforting yourself can creep back into your life too easily. But, remember where those methods got you and think of all the new techniques you have learned and how much your health has improved in the last year. Your tool IS STILL there for you to use anytime. Remember what a huge and brave step you took to improve your health. Look at and touch your incision scar, visualize your pouch and new anatomy. It is still there to help you in this next challenging stage. Michelle, I admire you so much. To come here and share your feelings and tough times takes a lot of courage. This is not only a place to share good times and successes but also for the challenging times too. Thank you so much for sharing. You have done such an amazing job so far and I think you are destined to attain all of your goals. Just looking at your before and after pics.. what a stunning transformation!! You ARE ready to take on this new challenge by doing what you already know to stay on track. Coming here for support is a great step and I hope you will be inspired by the great advice you have already gotten. You can do this... don't give up. You may have hit a bump in the road, but you are certainly NOT a failure.. NO MORE OF THAT TALK young lady, OKAY???? Hang in there, Terri

Thank you ALL for your encouragement. I really need it right now. I just wish I weren't so "lost" right now. I really have no idea how much food I should be eating.. ounce wise and the amount of food I'm seeing go into my mouth, even if it's 1/2 a cup of something really freaks me out. I will keep at it however and find new ways to make this work. I really want to succeed and I should keep that in mind when I think about my relationship with food. So, I'm going back to basics this week... and see where that leads me next week. I also need to seek some professional help to get me on a plan, nutritionally. Anyhow.. thanks again for listening!! I really appreciate it. Take care, Michelle

Michelle, Fitday.com is a great way to give you a picture of how many calories you are eating and which food groups the calories are coming from. Try plugging in what you are eating now, it might not be as bad as you think. I have been meaning to get back there too for I have noticed that I can eat a little more and want to know about how many calories I am averaging now. At the last support group meeting I attended, the dietician said about 1200 calories is normal for a post op a year or so out. Remember the basic rules: protein 1st, veggies 2nd and carbs last (preferably fruit or whole grains). Water load in between meals to keep that full feeling. I know for me anyway, planning and staying on a schedule help to keep me on track. Even at this early post op stage for me, if I don't have the right foods in the house or a plan of action for the day, I will reach for the wrong things. If you are working all day, prepare what you are going to eat the night before and pack it all up and bring it with you. I know you will find the right things that work for you, keep us posted. Terri

Michelle If you have time...log daily on the food log...it will help you keep on track...I will even log it into fit day..because that can be time consuming...and let you know how many calories you are consuming. I am sure you are taking it waaaay less than you used to before surgery. Please don't feel helpless.. Maybe you can contact your nutritionist and she can help you. Hang in there Joanie