Laurens Pre-OP Venting and Insights

Phew, Girls I came in underweight. Can you believe it. I was so worried that I had so totally blown it after the holidays, Ive been watching it for 2 weeks now. Switched to soups and salads, Dr. Bell is strict if you gain weight before surgery he wont do it. I prayed last night. Weighted myself this morning and was over by 4lbs. was really worried. I had gotten 6lbs off but would he say no go, for those 4lbs, I prayed some more and then did something I never do. I had a second bm today, which I never have. And girls I came in 1 lb under. I swear the Lord helped me have a bm. Hay, I know its weird, but he did make me. Intestinal track and all. I know this is a safe place for me to vent, because I am amoung people who love me and understand. I swear if I had had a sharp object in my hand my husband would have been dead today. We went to Dr Bells office to do my preop paperwork and my husband was a total pain in the a$$ the whole day. He kept interrupting Dr. Bell and asking a ton of questions, getting him off track. Then making comments about me, like he was trying to portray me in a bad light or something. Earlier, when the nurse came in and was doing my blood pressure he says to her, can you do mine too? What man goes to the doctor with his wife and asks the nurse to take his blood pressure. I swear everything has to be about him, even when its about me, he has to make it about him. He drove me crazy all day. Thats precisely why Kathy K and my daughter will be with me on surgery day, and he wont. The last thing I need is him there upsetting me before surgery. After that we went to the hospital for the blood work and ekg and such. he left for most of that. He was complaining the whole time about how hungry he was and how this was taking a lot longer than he thought it was going to. What a sacrifice. Poor thing. and then we were done. It took most of the day. I learned a lesson, never go to the hospital or doctor with your husband unless he is a patient person, who would not rather be "somewhere else". You know, I like women a hell of a lot more than I do men most days. I was thinking about this on my way home. I think as I started to change and start putting myself and my needs first for the first time in my life. I started to notice the ways he treats me that I just dont find acceptable or tolerable anymore. I guess Im going to have to pray for the Lord to change me then, because I know better than to ask him to change him. Just 11 days to go before surgery. I cant wait. Hubby said to me "I hope your not going to start this and stop 2 months out, like you did that blanket you were making and never finished." I said, weightloss surgery is not like an afgan. Still, as crazy as he makes me I will not let it dampen my mood. Im in high sprits. Hes a cup half empty kind of guy all the time anyway. I feel sorry for him. It must suck to live life with that kind of attitude all the time. What a waste of precious life. I have worked too hard for this, and Im in such a good mood about it. I think he is just jealous because Im getting my act together and he is still "dealing" with his issues. I quit smoking and never looked back. Even after 30 years. and he is having trouble quitting drinking. I think secretly he wants me to fail. It would make him feel better if I did. Guess what, Im not gonna. Dr. Bell said I can start my exercise program as soon as I feel up to it, and walking I can do immediately. the more I walk the better I will feel. so I will at least start that. I have arranged to do Nautilus on Mon, Wed and Fri for 20 mins, then 1 hour of deep water exercises. the the hot tub. Tues, and thursday with be 3 to 5 miles on the treadmill. thats the plan. sat will be just normal swimming and sundays are a day of rest, no exercise. thats my free time. its scrapin time..... yehhhh hahhhhh.... Watch out world, here I come. Love to all, Hope you have a great weekend. Im off with my son, and the complainer from hell to my sons motocross awards banquet in mass for the weekend. will love to see some old friends. talk to you all on tuesday. blessings to all Lauren

Hi Lauren! Wow, that sounds like you have got a LOT on your mind, sister. Reading your post, and rereading it, I felt the all too familiar pangs inside. You'll find that unfortunately, this behavior isn't unusual. You are going thru a LIFE ALTERING surgery. This isn't another weigh****chers. You WILL succeed with this, and people (in your cir****tance) like your husband are going to feel neglected, jealous and outright mad about it. You are doing all the right things. Focus on yourself, you will succeed. Things will change. But you will be a stronger person for it all. Hang in there! Keep posting here, because we really do understand what you are going thru. Love, Tammy

hey are you ok, we were supposed to get together yesterday to give you your blender. did something happen? i figured you got hung up in a meeting or something. do you want to do it tuesday? and yes I do have a lot on my mind. You know, none of us does the prep for this surgery, the meetings, the reading, the doctors appts jumpt thru the million hoops they make you jump thru and then 2 months out decide....ok... i dont want to do this anymore.... you know you have to want it... you have to be desperate for a PERMANENT change. sick to death of the yo yo dieting that never works. hes like some of the other people in my life that are reacting badly to the decision. i think he is secretly worried I will get thin and leave him. which is a possiblity. im tired of his behavior. the fat girl inside of me is sick of it. man or no man in my life, i want to be treated better. im just sick of people in general that are so wrapped up in themselves that they can have no compassion for anyone else. i know so many people that it seems to be all about them, and its really been bugging me lately. i look at whats going on in the world and i say you know what, we are really blessed. how can you complain. what the heck to you really have to complain about. like i said his cup is ALWAYS half empty. its so sad. i feel sorry for him. a person can choose to wake up and say, im going to delight in this day. God gave me one more day, im going to delight in it. its all perspective. having this surgery has really made me think about things. reassess things. his behavior is one of those things. i know he has his own demons, but you know what we all do. and we have to live in a world where we have to live with each other so wouldnt it be nice if we learned how to treat each other with kindness and compassion. if we all did that the world would be so much of a better place. i cant change him, but i can change me. so thats why i said, i have to pray for me to change. i cant tolerate his behavior its making me crazy, so God will have to give me the compassion i guess to tolerate it because the tolerance bus has left the depot for me. im just edgy and at the point where i want to smack him and say, hey its not about you right now, get over it. i think part of it is a man thing. you know how they are. they are all like that to some degree. he just has a bad dose of it right now. i really have to work on my tolerance though... im sorely lacking right now..... see you tuesday i hope....let me know if thats ok for you. hugs L

Lauren, You sound like you are so prepared for this surgery. You are ready and no one is going to stand in your way. You husband may come around when he sees your success. I know you are not counting on that....which is probably a good thing. Feel free to vent away here..we are here to listen. There is nothing but good things in store for you. You new life begins soon! May God Bless You. Hugs, Joanie

Hi Lauren, Sorry to hear that your husband is acting up. You will be fine and before you know it, the pain is gone and you will see those pounds melting off. My pounds are melting and it will be the same for you. If you want to call me to talk about the surgery you can. I will email you my cell #. The first day was the hardest and the rest have been a breeze.. God bless you... And keep you head up....

Hi Lauren, GO GIRL!! you did it!!! I know you can do it by losing weight. I am so proud of you Oh Lauren, I wish I were with you yesterday to go see Dr Bell and the rest of the day instead of your hubby. I will make your day great and fun!!! On your surgery day, I promise that I will be there to make your day relax and talk about exciting things for your new life after your surgery. You can ask me anything like holding your hands, praying for you, whatever things can make you feel comfortable.I will call you on Monday afternoon to talk with you and hope I can reach youon Monday afternoon. It is your decision, your health and want to stay alive for your son, Adam. Your hubby have to deal with his issues, not you. We are ready to excercise ahead when you are well after your surgery. Here we are ready to go shopping SMILE! Your Angel Kathy K oxox

Hi Lauren, 1st Congratulations on coming in under weight, that is an amazing feat considering the stress you have been under! I know things are tough with your husband right now, hopefully things will get better, if not, well then you will be a much stronger and confident person and will be much better at making choices later on as to what behavior you will and will not accept. You are in a great place right now and your surgery is just around the corner. Keep your chin up and vent as much as you need to us. Love, Sandy

Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuseeeeeeeeeeeeeee me!!!!! Girls???? What am I, chopped meat????????????? Your husband sounds an awful like a ............................ husband. What can i say? We do communicate differently and see things differntly. Does that mean that he does not care? Certainly not. Just not sure how to communicate it properly. Think of him like medication. More of a supposatory at that. A pain in the , but you do feel better once it works. And it's just not the same if you don't take it. You are putting your needs first, and that is important for a while. Just hang in there and when he starts drooling thinking about you, life will be different. MR (see male) Peter

Hi Lauren! I will be seeing you soon! Hubby sounds dry as opposed to sober..I hope he takes a look at AA...it would make life a lot better if he got with the program..literally...it sounds like he has a little "sympathy labor pain" going on there...hard for folks to give up the spotlight sometimes..it's aggravating as blazes and you deserve better! Glad everything else is right on track..you are gonna be awesome! :thmbsup: Sher'

Hi, Lauren! I'm sorry about the way your husband's been treating you. There seems to be a fine line between loving someone and therefore accepting their moods and shortcomings, and reaching the point where you can't accept the way they're treating you any more. Feel free to vent here any time. That's part of what we're here for. Right now you have to concentrate on yourself and doing everything that you need to do to get through the surgery and your recuperation successfully. I'm hoping to visit you at Yale after your surgery (weather permitting, of course). How many days do you expect to be in the hospital? Hugs, Debby