I'M BAAAACK.....(long post)

I just wanted to extend holiday greetings to everyone tonight. I'm up and cannot sleep...where's Tara when you need her? I got some bad news 2 months ago and haven't been able to get myself back on trac****il lately. I had all my testing done and was ready for the last meeting with Dr. Barba to schedule the surgery. I went to the Pulmonologists to get the results of my sleep study and he basically said my lungs were so bad I will die on the table if I have surgery. Then he put me on oxygen at night, and a portable tank during the day as well. My lungs have never been great, but this was a huge setback. I think I've hit all the major areas of emotions....anger, denial, humiliation. I'm only 36! Ladies and gents, this is what ignoring your health will do to you. Do NOT follow my lead! I have been wearing the nighttime oxygen...my DH is such a good guy he ignores the fact that his wife looks like a freak. I bring the portable to work. Thats a safe environment for me, so its not hard to wear it for an hour or so if I feel the need. I cannot quite work up to wearing it in public though. But as I said, things are changing. I have called for another appointment with Dr. Barba. I wan't HIM to tell me no. I've decided not to go down without a fight. Losing the excess weight can only help. I've been having such a pity party for myself I haven't been here much. Its hard to hear how great you all are doing, knowing I am so FAR from ever having this done. But my New Year's resolution is to go down swinging. So I'm back. To cheer you all on and get myself re-motivated to do this. I would appreciate any prayers you all could manage to send my way. Thanks. Christine

Hi Christine, Don't give up the fight, if you set your mind to it you WILL get this surgery. It sounds like you have the fighting spirit alive and well inside of you. I'm sending prayers and positive thoughts your way. Anne B

Hi Christine, I am so sorry for your setback. What a shocker that must have been! I will be going to church today and you will be at the very top of my prayer list. Find out all you can about what you can do to improve your health, and stay optimistic. Love, Sandy

Christine, Don't give up the war just because you lost one battle. No now doesn't mean no forever. I know how you are feeling. I had a heart attack at 35. Didn't see it coming and it changed my life. Maybe being on oxygen for awhile will strengthen your lungs to a point that you will be able to get this done. Keep the faith. Prayers are coming your way. Hugs, Maggie

Christine -- You just broke my heart. You are such a strong and determined woman, I am amazed at how well you handling all of this awful news. I just spent some time reading your profile - and you simply amaze me, that is really all I have to say. I admire you and wish I had even a tad of the strength you have. I have asthma and some upper respiratory something syndrome. (Sorry, I forgot the name lol) There is nothing in this world worse than not being able to take a breathe. When I was pregnant with my middle son, I developed pneumonia and went into respiratory arrest. Last August (2003), I developed pneumonia again and my left lung collapsed. I've struggled all my life with my breathing. I am praying for you - I know that things will turn around in your favor. At this point, they simply have to. In the meantime, if you EVER need someone to talk to, I am only an email away! I mean that! Love and hugs -- Tara

Even though you got some bad news, I am so PROUD of you for still going forward. You keep on plugging along, do what the doctors tell you to do to get your lungs stronger, and then try it again! You hang in there sister! And use this message board for whatever you need. That is why we are here!! Love, Tammy