Were you ever "asleep"?!...(long)

Hello everyone...hope everyone is having a great day! I had this conversation with my mother not too long ago. It really disturbed me, and it took me a day or two to bring it up with her and set the issue straight. My mother and I have always had an issue with my "weight"...(way to long and detailed to get into here..)....She has been very supportive of my decision for WLS. She said one day "I am so glad that you finally woke up". It took me a few minutes to realize that she thougt I had been asleep to my obesity....I was angry right away, but ended our conversation because I knew if I didn't think my respose through, it would not have been a good one. I did think about it for a while and finally did respond to her comment. I told her that NEVER was I EVER asleep to my weight problem. In fact it was the first thing I thought of, and struggled with, in the morning, and the last thing I thought of at night. However, in order to live my life...work, family, home and all the obligations of everyday life...I did become "numb" to many aspects of my morbid obesity. If I let every ache, pain, humiliation, stare, comment, difficulty, fear affect me, I would never leave the house in the morning. Heck, I wouldn't get out of bed. So, yes, to some degree I had to be in some state of denial...it was my way of coping with life as a morbidly obese person. I also noticed that once I made the decision to have surgery I felt more aches and pains...everyday life became so much more difficult. I always had difficulty putting socks and shoes on...the morning of surgery, I thought it was impossible to do without assistance. Was this because I was letting defenses down and completely facing the handicapps of my obesity? My weight stayed the same from the day I decided to have surgery to the day I had surgery....320...somehow the morning of surgery I felt as though I weighed over 500lbs. Now, on the other side, just 35lbs down from surgery, I feel lighter than I have in years!!! I can do things now...even after having the "open" procedure, than I could have done pre-op. Have any of you experienced something like this?

Hi! I was never "asleep" but I am sure I often placed my misery over being obese onto the back burner...and I think I 'got used to' or sort of accepted as normal...they day to day struggles...tying shoes...ill fitting clothes,,,tight fits in restaurants...heaving myself in and out of cars...being less than graceful when bending over to pick something up...mouthbreathing when walking any distance...not ebing able to run...etc...etc... When I threw in the towel and made the decision to have this surgery, I think all of the denial crumbled with it as well as some of the defense mechanisms I had used to function...sort of a cathartic "hitting bottom" sort of thing...a mixed bag of pain and yet relief that I could finally let it all go and face the facts.... But I assure you that though I never discussed it in public...I never forgot I was fat! Sher'

I think the way you described what your mother might have thought to be "sleep" is the way that most of us get through whatever problems we deal with. If we did nothing but "deal" with our difficulty with weight, we'd have no time to do anything else! One needs to work, take care of family, have a life beyond the realm of the scale. Some days it's more top of mind, but a person who's battling with a physical illness, some sort of disease, would be thought to be wallowing in their misery if that were all they talked about, all they concentrated on, etc. As a woman of "size" you were also entitled to shut out the daily frustrations and challenges of your battle in order to live your life. Kathy

I never though of it that way, but the answer is yes! Many people, especially those closest to us, think that we don't realize the severity of our condition. This is not the case at all, we realize it more than anyone, we are the ones suffering everyday of our lives! I think we do form a shell, or develop a numbness to the situation just so that we can function. I know in the last 2-3 months, I have changed so much, inside and out. I have come to terms with my body and can finally do something about out, rather than fail. Noone wants to talk about "how I failed this time". I am still suffering quite a bit (arthritis) since I am no longer taking any meds, but everyday does get better and I started noticing a huge change immediately! I hope I did not stray too far from the subject, but this is what I have gone through recently! Carmen

I read your post and was immediately angry. Why do people think it's ok to make hurtful comments about our weight under the guise of being "helpful"? I don't get it and never will. Yes, I woke up every morning and said gee, I think I'll overeat today until I feel sick. Then I think I'll try a flight of stairs just for ha ha's to not be able to breath!! Oh yes, what fun...... To use the analogy of awakening is in some ways true, I feel more awake now than I ever did. But with my awakening has come compassion for those people who are still obese and may always be. I understand the struggle and the hopelessness. I would never profess to judge them. It's a fact of life that I am looked at differently now, especially by men. I used to be invisible to them and now it's like I have a brain. There is so much discrimination around. Donna, you hang in there and keep doing this for YOU!! And enjoy each moment along the way. We are all here for you, love Cheryl

Donna- This is a post we can all relate to! I think has a fat person others think that we don't know we are fat and that our weight does not bother us! I, too, would go to bed every night and wake up every morning with the digust of myself... We could not function, if we allowed it to consume our lives. My Dad and Mom would have "talks" with me about my weight (I was only 20lbs overweight for yrs!)...every once in a while as I was growing up...and I actually think they did more harm than good, although I know they meant well. I am so glad you are feeling so well after your WLS...it just keeps getting better and better doesn't it? Hugs, Joanie