I'm still alive and kicking

Hey all, I wanted to drop in and let you all know I am still alive and have been sandbagging reading up on the posts and keeping up on all of your efforts and hard work. I am so proud of you all. Many of you have made such amazing progress since I've been visiting this site. Keep up the great work. You all are still my inspiration for me to keep battling and not to give up. I am struggling. I have had to really look deep inside to try to figure out why despite being excited about the WLS journey I cannot meet the goals set for me by Dr. Aranow for pre-surgery. I have the awareness of what I need to do, how, and why I need to do it but there is some unknown something keeping me from taking that step. Until very recently, I have never subscribed to the notion of depression being a reality or the professions of psychology and psychiatry being truly legitimate. Never was a big fan of people using emotional instability as crutches and excuses for their problems or mistakes in life. Well, frankly, after my thoughts began to turn increasingly desperate to the point of (Lord forgive me)considering physically harming myself, I began to look at Depression more seriously. I went to webmd.com one night a few weeks ago and looked up depression and as I read and went from page to page I was stunned to find that I had virtually all of the symptoms of depression. Some of them in a severe way. I had thought things I did in the past along with my physical health (obesity) were causing me to have very poor memory and for the lag in my strength and energy. I completely broke down in tears and came to the realization this just might be that one thing that was keeping me from taking that step. Last week I visited one of Dr. Aranows psychologists and after talking and taking a test she believed I might have a serious case of depression. She referred me to a psychiatrist so that I may recieve more advanced care including possible medication. I'll be visiting with her on Monday. I would be interested in hearing how depression pre-surgery has affected anyone here. Meanwhile, I think I've written a book here. I think I'll post it to my profile too. Thanks for being here everyone! I love you all! God Bless! Jim

Hi Jim You have been in my mind once a while and is wondering where are you. Welcome back Jim and please talk to us anything and we will support you all the way. I am glad you will go get helps for depression. Once it is taken care of then your journey will begin.... Let me know if you need to talk to other guy. I know a great guy named Peter. I think you will like talk with him and he is very good support person and gave us great advices beside he is also funny guy who made us laugh all the time. Let me know if you want his email address. Hang in there and come back to talk with us on this Ct Message board. Hugs Kathy K

Hi Jim! Glad you went and got some help..it is sometimes a hard thing to admit...I know because I have been where you are....and also have worked in the mental health field for years doing crisis work...and I did NOT want to admit it when I found myself depressed after my husband lost his battle with lung cancer 7 years ago...it went beyond grief...and having to be honest with myself, for me...I have to say that I have worn a lot of my issues right out where everyone can see them in the form of 100+ pounds of excess weight! I never had to say a word with that kind of advertising! Getting on welbutrin helped me tremendously as did a year of therapy with a professional I respected...and having seen it ALL in this field..I was careful in my choice....and it paid off. I found that for me, sometimes my familiar state of misery was less frightening than the prospect of change... I do believe that most folks don't really want to end their lives...they just want their lives to be DIFFERENT..and they are at a loss as to how to accomplish that. Well...here I stand at the edge of the high dive..about to leap off into a whole new experience !!! I wish you all the best on your journey. Happyiest of Holidays! (I think I just made up a word! ) Sher'

Hi Jim, I am reading your post, and honestly, it sounds like the words could come out of my mouth. Truly. I have battled depression for most of my life, but not realizing that is what it was. Once I found someone I could talk to, and find a good medication for myself to stick to taking (I take Zoloft), my chemical levels seemed to straighten out and I was able to look upon my life in a positive way. So many years I lived hopeless, but once I found that yes, you can come out of the darkness and be productive, my life changed forever. I admit that I would not have been able to meet Dr. Aranow's preweight loss goal, or any goal for that matter, if it weren't for therapy and medication. I'm not saying this is for everyone, but it certainly helped me make the appropriate decisions to save my life. This is the beginning of a wonderful journey for you, Jim. You will find yourself and be able to help yourself become the person you know you are on the inside, but your depression holds tight and won't let it out. Please email me if you want to talk. And you are so brave to post your thoughts here. Good luck! Love, Tammy

Jim, You are not alone. Although I was diagnosed w/ depression and started on medication long before I considered WLS, the fact that I am under treatment has helped significantly in my journey. About 2 years ago I went to my PCP for a physical. When he ask about family history I started crying.... Both parents and my sister have alchohal/drug problems. No surprise but I lost it. He suggested medication and counseling. I thought he was nuts! thought about it over the holidays and my depression escalated. I decided to try the medication. It helped a bit and so did the counseling. I finally realized the counselor I was seeing was not helping much and found someone who has helped me tremendously!! My dosage of Paxil was also been increased until we found a dose that really helps! I am now a much happier person and have been able to address some of the issues from my past that have contributed to not only my weight, but many aspects of my personality that I did not like. I still have a lot of work to do, but I would not have had the strenght or courage to do this for ME had I not been under treatment. I look forward to one day not needing the medication, but for now I am glad I decided to give it a try! Good Luck and feel free to contact me anytime if you need to talk! Carmen

Big hugs to you Jim, The hardest thing about depression is admitting that it there and that you need some help. You did a great thing by taking that step. You will be amazed at how much you have burried issues and didn't even realize it. Congratulations to you for being able to take that step. The surgery is such a big step. When I first was told that some people are never able to tolerate breads and other carbs again after WLS I walked away. There was no way I could give these up. My health continued to deteriorate. I was 37 and had already had a heart attack as well as an insulin dependant diabetic. Finally one day as I was giving myself and injection I had had enough. Your moment of recokoning will come to. Surgery itself is scary. You are feeling things that we all have felt. Hang in there my friend and please let us know how you are doing and if you need anything. Hugs, Maggie

Hi Jim, Nice to see ya back on the boards. YOU best be staying here this time.. as we all need support. Depression is very real.. not just some made up thing to blame your problems on. Once you're out of depression, you're able to see these things more clearly. Good for you for getting help. Stick with it.. you will be amazed at the differences that life has to bring you. I've been to the point where I had no hope whatsoever.. and then I realized it was depression clouding my judgement. I however will NOT let it be my crutch. I'm going to beat this thing and so can you. Do your best to be happy about the WLS and what it CAN do for you. Like it's been said a zillion times.. it's not the cure all.. it doesn't make life so much better if you've got other things swirling around in your head. Honestly, I don't think many of us would be in this situation if we didn't have issues to deal with in the first place. Stick with it!! Just stay positive and look as every new day as a fresh new start or on a path to making things better. Take care, Michelle

You all are such a special group of people. Thanks for the kind words of encouragement. I feel positive about the revelations I had about depression. I am looking forward to my appointment on Monday. It's so comforting to know I am not alone. Thanks again! Jim