I Need a Tranquilizer!!

Hi Gang! I'm really just here to vent. No one else to talk to who would understand some of these emotions. November 4th was the anniversary of my weight loss surgery. November 12th was the anniversary of the surgery I had to have to repair my anastamotic (sp?) leak! Needless to say, it brought back a whole lot of emotions. I'm also waiting to find out about plastic surgery/hernia repair, so I'm once again focused on all this surgery stuff. It makes you a nervous wreck!! John asked me last night how I felt one year ago that date, and I told him, other than pumped full of morphine, I was afraid I was going to die, something that didn't fully go away for close to 2 months. I feel successful because I got past it & I'm doing well, but man was that a crazy time. When Al Roker did his spot on TV & they did the spot on the man who had a leak & died, it sent me straight into a panic attack, remembering those feelings. (Glad my doctors did a better job!!) On top of that I had a mammogram which came out irregular and I have to wait until the first week of December to get more shots and an ultrasound. I kept procrastinating on the mammogram since there's no family history, and the fact that I've been "well endowed" made me self-conscious about it -- no excuse, but there it is. Now I'm freaked that I waited too long. I do have fibrocystic disorder & the mammogram was done right before that time of the month, so my company nurse assures me this is probably the problem, but still...aaaaaaaaccccckkkkk!!!!! At least the OTHER medical procedure -- getting a shot of cortisone in my arthritic knee -- has made a big difference. I'm cleared to exercise again in a few days, and I think it's going to be a lot better. Losing weight little by little ... if it weren't for the extra skin I'd be comfortably in size 10s; as it stands the 12s are too big & the 10s hug the extra skin a bit much. That said, I couldn't have gotten a thigh into a size 10 last year!! I'm blabbing/venting/panicking. Hope you guys don't mind that I shared my worries. I need a vacation .... Linda, going back to Cancun anytime soon????? Kathy

Hi Kathy! It is amazing how certain dates and events can trigger so many emotions. This is such a great to vent those sort of things. I find that people hear truly, truly understand. My son needed stitches yesterday morning. FIRST thing in the morning, I hear a blood curdling scream. He was running with a book and fell and the book hit him right above his eye and he hit it GOOD. He needed 3 stitches. BUt when they called us into the ER, they put us into the same room that my daughter had been in last year when she had gotten hurt on the playground. I had a panick attack. That was the last place I heard her speak in her true voice. That was where our nightmare began. Anyways, I"m rambling but what I'm trying to say is that dates and events and even hospital rooms can bring back certain emotions - that not everyone can understand. Now, tell me a story of what it feels like to be a size 10 !!! I've never worn a 10,.....what does it FEEEEEL like? (I'm trying to take your mind off of the negative.....;) but I truly would love to know what I have to look forward to. Love, Tammy

Vent away Kathy, You are going through an emotional time, and when things trigger the memory of a bad experience, it is emotionally devistating! Try to focus on all the AMAZING changes you have gone through in the past year, 10-12's is remarkable!!!!! Carmen

Kathy, Just keep your head up and stay positive. You know these things have a way of working out for the best. I know how nerve wrecking all this waiting and decision making can be. It's hard to fight the anxiety of having yet another surgery, but look at it this way.. you made it through the first one, with a story to tell, so the 2nd time around will go a lot smoother and you'll have some fantastic results to show off. Hope everything works out for the best. Take care, Michelle

Kathy, My bag can be packed in 2 seconds flat!!!! I miss the bright sun and hot weather. I was meant to live in a more tropical climate I think....... I am glad you vented girl friend. You know venting not only relieves our own but it also gives others the realization that others are going through the same things we are. We are all human and therefore not perfect.......although there are times :wink: You have come so far and will continue your journey. Life is just going to get more and more interesting. You found yourself a good man there and your life is open to what ever you want to make of it. I am so glad to know you and can't wait to see you soon. Linda

Thanks everyone for your kindness. I was sick yesterday so couldn't get back. I think I just needed to lay my anxieties out there to people who could relate to at least some of it. I believe my pity party is over for the moment, but one never knows ....... Thanks for all the concern. XO Kathy F.

I'll comment about the mamagram for all the women here. Joanne had her scare over the last 2 years with her annual squeezing. BOTH years, there were :irregularities" which were shown. To the point that the MD himself read the films IN FRONT OF HER! One of the problems is that post-op, you may have your FIRST TRUE MAMAGRAM. Due to the weight, no matter how much you squeezed before, the films would never be accurate. After the weight loss, the tissue will be readily visable and much more accurate. HOWEVER... it won't match anything that you ever had before. So, be prepared for a wait. All of youyr hopes will be that it will be for nothing. Peter

I can't say I know how you feel or I can relate being a pre-op still without a surgery date. I have been nervous but not nearly as nervous as I think I am going to be when the date is set in stone. I just wanted to le you know to keep your spirits up and I am thinking of you and we are all here to support you! Love, phyllis