Kids and the surgery

My 2 daughters are ages 9 and 6. Their father and I are divorced. He's been telling the girls that I may die from this surgery. It has my 6 year old very panicked about me going in for the surgery. The 9 year old knows he's just a jerk and doesn't really listen to him. My question is......is it appropriate to have the kids visit me while I'm in the hospital? I know that the I.V. and tubes won't bother them. I'm thinking that they should really be there when I get out of surgery just to see that mommy's ok. What do you guys think? Can you share your experiences with me please? Thanks!

Hi Tammy, My kids were a bit younger when I had my surgery (3 and 6) and I did NOT allow them to see me in the hospital. My surgeon puts a central line in everyone and to see this *thing* coming out of my neck, I think would have panicked them. What I did was I bought them little presents and wrapped them up before my surgery. They each got a little present from Mommy every day that I was in the hospital. And I called them 2-3 times a day (when I wasn't flying somewhere near Mars from morphine LOL****il I got home. Each child handles things differently. If you have someone trustworthy to bring them down...someone who when they leave will explain to them that you may not look the greatest right now but you will and that surgery is rough...etc., then I would let them. If you think they can handle it, then you should. Again, it depends on your kids and their ability to handle things. And your ex should shut his mouth...LOL Have a Sparkling Day!! ~CAE~

Hi Tammy What a jerk ex-husband!! How nice of him to scarcy your kids which means he is not good father. Sorry for me to say this. It made me so mad! I do not want my daughter who is 7 years old to visit me at hosptial and she will spend with my favorite aunt s house for a week. My son who have to go school everyday at Middle school which we do not want him to behind his homework. He will visit me after dinner with my husband for a couple of hours ( no more than 2 hours) the day after surgery ( i do not want nobody see me ther day of surgery because I have to go to ICU room becasue of my sleep apnea except my husband and my sister in law who support my husband. It is no room for them to be with you in the hospital room. They will get bored. My advise to you that it is better for them to stay with your mom until you come home from hospital. Hugs Kathy K

I forget to tell you that My son Kyle is 11 years old.

Tammy, I am so sorry that your ex was so cruel to your kids. How awful that your youngest is unneccesarily upset now. I have 2 girls 3 1/2 and 1 1/2 who did not come to see me in the hospital. I thought about it, since the 2nd day after surgery, I looked pretty good and if the girls were older, they would have been allowed to see me. I did, however, prepare my 3 yr old as much as possible by telling her that my stomach was broken and the Dr was going to fix it, but I had to have 3 sleepovers at the hospital so the Dr. can make sure he did a good job and that I was going to just fine. I told her she and her sister were going to have a really great time because her Auntie and cousin were coming down from VT to take care of them while I was away. My sister was the real key to this success Tammy. She kept them very busy; visits to the children's museum, hikes, making princess crowns at home and then she took them both back to her home in VT for the rest of the week so I could ease into things when I came home. They are having a ball and are coming home tomorrow and I can't wait to see them, but I am so grateful and thankful to my sister, because I didn't have to worry about them. I spoke to them both on the phone everyday and a couple of times, it was even a chore for Abby to come to the phone which was a good thing because I know she was not worrying. I saw someone else's post about leaving a gift for her to open every day and that is also a great way for her to gauge the time you are away and make you seem a little closer. When we went to China for 2 weeks to adopt our youngest, Abby and I made a calendar together of the days we would be gone and she got to put stickers on a square for each day, and when the calendar was full that meant that we were coming home. We also gave her a little gift to open every day too, just small things, nothing expensive and it really helped her. I know someone will be there to help you too, Tammy. Hang in there,and I hope the ex keeps his opinions to himself from now on. Good luck, Terri

Time for damage control. I do not know how your childern are. They could easily freak, but you can explain anything to them ahead of time and help them feel more comfortable. For example, all the tubes in Mommy are feeding her while her tummy is healing. What you need to find a better way to say is that if Mommy has this done, she will be healthier, live longer, and be more fun to be with for a much longer time. There is a risk, but the risk is almost as high for you to have a car accident on the way to the hospital than having a complication fromn the surgery. Besides, you want to live long enough to get skinny, show your ex what an a$$ he is, and rub it in his face for a little whole.... 50 years should do it!! Peter

Hi Tammy, first of all, your ex is a putz. That's a HORRIBLE thing to tell a child! Grrr...some people... As you know I also have Dr Aranow and I can tell you that by the 2nd day I was free from any tubes, wires, connections, electrodes, etc. and that might be a good time for your kids to come in to check on Mommy. Make sure they're aware that you're not feeling too good, but sometimes it's better for them to see wit their own eyes that Mommy is going to be just fine. Or maybe they can come up to greet you right before you are discharged? Ethan came up to visit me, but he's only 2 so he was pretty clueless as to what was going on. Ex's are exs for a reason. -Deb

First of all, your ex is a real jerk, he should not do anything to try to scare his children, regardless of whether or not he wants you to do this! I had my surgery on Friday, and my husband brought my daughter (4) for a visit on both Saturday and Sunday. We kept the visits fairly short, and she brought me a small gift (stuffed animal Sat and baloons Sun), which really made her feel like she was helping. I also let her know beforehand that I would need her help after my surgery, so when she came she helped me get up and walk. The aide also let her help with the vital signs, so she felt very important. She was scared before I went in to the hospital. She was there when I was admitted and took a walk when they put the IV in, but saw that I was OK. She kinda knew what to expect when she visited, since she was with me before, so she "checked out my bandages" and ask lots of questions. Sunday, when the dressing were gone, she looked at the staples and said "oh, not bad". Since I have been home, she has been careful not to bump my tummy or jump on me. Each child is different, but I think letting her visit helped. She knew I was OK, since she saw me, not just heard my voice. Carmen