Update - Help Needed

Well, for those of you that read my response to the roll call, you know what is going on in my personal life. (thank you to those that sent encouraging emails). Things are extremely bad today and I'm being thrown out by my husband. I was in the process of looking for a place because we knew we were going to separate, but apparently he doesn't "want to see my face here" and wants me to leave NOW. I'm searching online for apartments still and a my best friend and I are looking to be roomies in a 2 bedroom. If ANY of you know property owners that have units for rent, or know of a way that I can find temporary housing, please .. let me know. I have to work tonight at The Fox, but will be checking email. I am going to try to stay with a friend tonight. I have pets, I have little money saved .. but will find a home for pets and will try to pick up more hours. Sucks for this to happen when I just left the day job. Such is life. Thanks for the support .. I truly appreciate it! Lots of love, Tara

Tara, {{{{{hugs}}}}} So sorry that you have this going on right now. I don't know of anything right now but I will definately ask around. Are you looking to stay in the Ansonia area? Let me know and I will see what I can do. I would offer up my pull out couch to you but I am little far away in West Hartford. Let me know if there is anything else I can do for you. I will be thinking of you today.

((((hugs)))) Thank you Eileen - I appreciate your reply. I would like to stay in the valley area. Anything off of Route 15 (Parkway) or Route 8 would be best. Thanks for the couch offer.

Tara - He can't just throw you out. If you've lived together, he can't. Do you own, or rent? Who's name is the house or the lease in? I'd tell him to go f@ck himself and you are staying until you economically can leave. I"m serious. I left my family home with my 2 kids because my husband was abusive and refused to leave. I wish I never had left. Honestly. Email me if you need anything or have any questions.

Tammy - We rent, but right now there is no lease (thank God). You are right, I should stay, and maybe eventually he will want to leave. But I can't take the screaming in my ear every single second. The accusations, the questions, him telling me I don't deserve a family. Want to bury myself deep right now. But I have to keep strong.

Tammy, I am sorry that you are having to go through such a bunch of garbage. HOWEVER.............................. You do need to do what is mentally safe for yourself. From what you are describing in your message, I don't think this is mentally or emotionally a safe place for you. Find yourself something sooner than later. I hope that whatever happens, this passes quickly for you with as little as possible pain. Peter

Tara: I am so sorry you are going thru this. What about going to marriage counseling? I know WLS can reck havoc on relationships. Why did he ask you to leave now? Maybe he was just upset and things will blow over until you two can rationally talk about the future. I don't think you should have to move out. That is not fair. How are the kids holding up? Everything will work out. Chryssie

Chryssie: We went to counseling at the beginning of this year for about 3 months. Our problems were well seeded before my WLS. He claims that I would rather socialize with friends than spend time with the family. Because I was working 70 hours a week, on my nights off, I would go out with friends - happy hours, concerts, games, just out. My friends are very important to me and I honestly feel like I can't relate to my husband anymore. Needless to say, without trashing him in this pulbic forum, it's just not there, and it hasn't been there for a long time. But it's something we should just accept and work out. Rather, he's become very angry and bitter and treats me so poorly right now, I can't take it. The kids are fine .. They'd be better if my husband didn't act like he hates me so much!

This is Tara's husband. There are always 2 sides to a story and I should get to tell mine I guess. If Tara thinks that her free time should be dedicated to her friends and fun instead of her family, then I see no reason why she should continue to be a part of our family structure. For the past 3 months Tara has been working 70+ hours a week, while that in itself is a miracle since she was recovering from her WLS. During this time, her normal daily routine would be Work (8:00-4:00pm) Sleep (4:30 - 10:45pm) Work (12:00 - 5:00am) Gym (5:00 to 7:00) Rinse repeat. On some occasions it would be (1x to 3x a week sometimes) Work (8:00 - 4:00) Some other activity (4:00 - 9-10:00) Sleep (10:00 - 11:00) Work (12:00 -5:00) Gym ... Friday night (5:00pm****il saturday 6:00 pm is usually the only real "time off" Taras schedule allowed. Over the past couple of months I have tried to talk to her about how she never sees her son, she saw me all the time because we worked together, ate lunch at the same time, emailed all day long, etc. I brought up to her that , she only ever really sees her son 20-30 min a day, if that if he was still awake when she got up to go to her night job. I asked her to instead of spending time away from the family to go have a "social life" to instead spend it at home with us. She stated that her "social life" was important to her, and that she did not want to sit home like a "hermit". Over the past week or so I've become really angry about this situation because I have gotten the feeling that it is more important to her to persue her social life instead of spending time with us. In some of our conversations she has said that having "fun" is very important to her, and that sitting at home is no fun to her. She also stated that she feels like she wants to "relive" part of her 20's that she never got a chance to. This reliving part includes the "sowing your wild oats" and everything included with that. That phase of my life is over, and I'd like to concentrate on a healthy family structure. If going to happy hours, and meeting other people is what my wife wants to concentrate on, then thats fine. Over the past few months I've been feeling like the "babysitter" because I don't really have much of a social life. I don't have many friends who I can go out with. One reason being that Tara's schedule doesn't allow for that. Another reason is because we moved to CT because this is where Tara grew up, so she has some school friends available to her. Anyway, I'd much rather her get her sleep than go out. But I guess I'm angry because in lieu of her getting her sleep she would be going out to functions, and making plans, and not inviting me to attend like she once did. Then to mention it to me non-chalantly like I am supposed to know she is doing these things. If staying awake and missing sleep is important enough to go and socialize. Wouldn't you thing staying awake and missing sleep would be important enough to spend time with your family. But this isn't how Tara sees things, I have been labeled as unreasonable, because I'm telling her she "can't go out" or I get angry when she does. I haven't really told her she can't go out, and if I have she isn't listening too well because she is still continuing to go. Anyway, to the posted who told her to tell me to go f$ck myself. Sometimes it's better to hear both sides of the story. I just want my family to be happy, and if that includes Tara so be it, but if it doesn't thats fine also.

I'm sorry for you both, but this isn't the place for either one of you to be discussing this. This is a weight loss and wls support forum. It's really not appropriate to be discussing this type of issue here. I"m sure there are forums, places, counselors, etc where you could go for help. I wish you all the best