Grieving and Binging

As some of you may have seen on the news last thursday and friday about that guy whose car struck a horse in Bethany, well that was a good friend of mine. Ever since I have been on a binge. Mike was a trained chef and we hung out together for New Years Eve. He made these awesome cupcakes filled with chocolate Moose and gave me some to take home. Well being the good pre-op that I am, they went straight into the freezer. When I learned of his death, the cupcakes came out and are gone! Yeah I'm in a funk and moping around the house grazing. His memorial service is Tuesday and I think once I get thru that I'll be ok. The worst is that Dr. Aranow wanted me to loose 10 pounds and I've lost 12 so far and will have my final visit and sign off by Mary Sue-his nutritionist next monday the 21st. I can't blow it now, I've come to far. All I have left to do is for Mary Sue to sign off on the 21st, stress test on the 24th and 2 more support group meetings at Middlesex, one of which is tomorrow and thats it! Time to close my eyes, stop thinking about death and concentrate on living and getting back on track.

 

Hi Rich, Sorry that you lost your friend.  I always dealt with stress, unhappiness, happiness, sadness, depression, euphoria, just about every emotion with food.  Can't do that anymore.  Try finding other outlets to express your sorrow besides eating.  I'm sure your friend wants you to live a long and happy life.  Choosing wls will help you with that. Next time you start thinking about him or the uncertainty of life.  Grab at the memories - take a walk and remember the good times.  Keep your hands busy and get out the photos.  Get on the phone and call another good friend while they are still here to appreciate.  Work though your grief without hurting yourself. You are almost there.  You can do it. Bev

I don't know if this will help, but here goes . . . When my dad died very suddenly eight days after my mother (who had waged a long battle with brain and lung cancer), I found myself driving back to Boston to plan yet another wake and funeral.  The night before his wake, I was sitting in their apartment mindlessly eating some Cheez-Its, just hoping that the food would somehow numb the pain I felt (I had been blessed to have a very close and supportive relationship with my folks).  At some point, I became aware that no matter how many times I reached into that box (even though it was my dad's favorite snack), I was probably not going to find anything to ease my sense of loss.  So, I promised myself that if I took the bag out of the box and could find my folks in it, then I could eat until I reached them.  Now, I know this sounds very strange, but I had to very consciously prove to myself that what I truly needed was nowhere in that box of Cheez-Its.  So, after looking through the bag that held the snacks in the box and poking around, I knew I needed to put them away and stop trying to find an answer in food. A few weeks later, I am out with my surgeon and he remarked how sorry he was for my tragedy-- he then said that the only bigger tragedy would be if I gained back the 300 pounds I had lost in dealing with the deaths of my parents.  His words have helped keep me on track as I continue to struggle months later with the sense that grieving takes time- and that no amount of food or alcohol can speed up that process. So, Rich- accept my deepest sympathies for your loss and my hope that you appreciate that a bright future awaits you in this world.

Rich: Some good things have been said to you. My deepest sympathies for your loss. I have a sense that your friend, Mike, would not want you to waiver from your path at this juncture. Rather instead, see him as an angel by your side now...there whenever you need his support. Grieving, as Steve said, takes time. Be gentle and kind with yourself. Feeling our feelings as Bev said... is a new experience. Instead of picking up food to comfort  or suppress your emotions, think of choosing to honor your friendship with Mike by sticking to your path and the next goals to meet. For each meal you eat that fits your plan... say... this is in honor of your life, Mike... AND... first and foremost... this is for me. (you Rich). Hang in there... T.

Oh Hun, I am so sorry. I can't imagin how hard this is on you. Along the lines of what Steve said. No matter how much you eat it's not going to bring Mike back. Take care hun, k?

I dont' think I can add to what has been said already! Just make it your goal to honor him by dusting yourself off, forgiving yourself for the food choices you made while under stress and getting back on the path.     As they have said, make it a goal to honor your dear friend by keeping to the path. My deepest sympathies to you at this time and know that we are here if you need to vent, talk or support.

Rich - I am so very sorry for your loss, please accept my sympathy and be kind to yourself.

Just know that Mike is with you, if you look for signs you'll see them.

Rich, My thoughts and prayers are with you at this time. Jennifer