Getting closer

I just finished all my testing for insurance approval. I'm hoping to do it mid July. I'm so scared right now! I feel like I'm taking a gamble on an otherwise healthy life. What if I lose? I'll just be GONE. I've never been faced with my own mortality so strongly. I was briefly suicidal when I was 14, but I didn't really care that much if I lived at the time. Now I want to. I also feel like I'm being selfish.. I want a better body, so I'm putting everyone I love through all this stress. My boyfriend does support me, but he's terrified of losing me. And I can't imagine the pain I would cause him if I died from this surgery. But then I think.. if he wants me around past age 30, I have to do this! I did have one major concern alleviated.. the surgeon I was recommended to, though one of the best in the state, seemed to have little experience with bypass surgery. I brought this up to my psychotherapist, who told me that he had in fact done HUNDREDS of these, but not.. I don't want to say "officially", but as his training. Far, far more than is required, and at my last test, the woman doing my echocardiogram said he'll have done many more by the time my surgery happens. My concern now is the hospital. Has anyone here gone through St Mary's in Waterbury? Any advice/recommendations about it??

Hello Ashleigh, Welcome to Ct Message Board You will find us friendly and support people. About your boyfriend, I do understand how he is feeling . My husband is still worrying about me but he went to group support with me and it helped him to understand better about this surgery. Also There will be men out there who will go to Ct Gathering Party can talk with your boyfriend about their experience with their wives or girlfriend. Come on and join our party on June 12 Hoping to meet you there! Kathy K.

Welcome Ashleigh!! Great to see you join us on the CT Boards. As Kathy said we are a great bunch and I think you will find us pretty supportive and available for questions and just venting....... I am a bit confused about your surgeon. Is he really a bariatric surgeon or just someone who wants to be? Does he have a good follow plan and offer support groups? Is the hospital equipped to handle this type of surgery and any complications that might arise? These are all important issues to consider. I never realized how many things need to be taken into consideration by surgeons and hospitals to accommodate us morbidly obese patients. Some simple things like chairs we can sit in, beds we can rest comfortably in, the correct instruments etc. Support groups are a must etc.etc. Please research carefully. It would be great if you could come to the CT Get Together on June 12th. You will meet alot of people who can answer questions and as Kathy said your boyfriend might feel more comfortable after hearing from alot of us folks. Take care and don't be a stranger here. If you want more info just email me. Linda

The surgeon I have does vasular, heart, cancer, lung, and other surgeries as well. He's actually done different surgeries on people I'm close to, including one obese girl for a gallbladder removal. So he is somewhat new to baratrics, but not laparoscopic or working on obese people. He has done many more than the "learning curve" number of 100. It made me pretty anxious, but another patient told me she called up the department of health. She told the woman she wanted to ask about a bariatric surgeon's qualifications, and the woman immediately launched into a spiel about how few people in CT are qualified enough to do this, etc etc.. then she asked who it was, and upon hearing the name said "Oh! You got a good one then". He also has a team approach.. he has a psychotherapist and a nutritionist that are on call for me round the clock, as well as group meetings and follow through appointments. The psychotherapist told me she and the nutritionist would never have agreed to be on his team if they didn't think he was capable, because its their reputations on the line. She told me it came to a point where he had to be told "You've done everything and more as practice, you can do it on your own!" and he still insisted on more training. She also said he's a perfectionist and has a flawless record (which I checked.. as far as I found, no lawsuits or anything). The most convincing thing she told me was that if she had a loved one that was going to do this surgery, she would send him/her to this surgeon. What I've seen of St Mary's is pretty good.. I could fit in all the chairs I had to sit in, and the equipment they had ready was designed for obese people. (ie, no embarassing moment about needing a bigger gown) But I'm not very familiar with the place otherwise.

Hi again, Can you tell us what the doctor s name at St Mary HosptiaL? Just curious and we can give you feed back the other doctors we know but I never heard the doctor in St Mary hosptial but some people might heard about this doctor. That is what this CT Message Board for to feedback and support each other SMILE Kathy

Oh right, that would be useful!! His name is Abdul Aziz Richi

Welcome Ashleigh Don't feel you're being selfish. You're in good health now, but statistics show that if you are severely obese, the odds are stacked against you. There is nothing selfish about wanting to live a longer healthier life. Good luck to you. Please keep us posted as you continue on your journey. Feel free to ask any questions you need to here. We're a very supportive bunch. Maggie

Welcome to the boards Ashleigh! I agree with Maggie up there, don't wait until the problem gets worse.. that's when you're at higher risk. Either way, you're at risk if you wait. As for your b/f "if he wants me around past age 30, I have to do this!", you're exactly right. Everyone has the right to be concerned when it comes to something new in their lives, so do some thorough research on the surgeon and their follow up plan. Make sure to read what PATIENTS have to say about the surgeon they've been to and make your decision from there. Research! Best of luck to you. Michelle

Hi Ashleigh, Welcome to our board!! Your concerns are all valid. I live in Prospect and spent a lot of time researching Docs and hospitals. If you notice on the left side of this page there are patient reviews of doctors and hospitals. These can be very helpful to you. I chose a doctor out of Waterbury because he is very experienced in bariatric surgery and the hospital he is affiliated with is specially equiped for bariatic patients. I want to minimize my risks as much as possible. I am still not finished with pre-op testing. If I can help you in any way or answer any questions let me know and I will send you my e-mail address and phone # Good luck to you angel b

Hi Ashleigh, Welcome to our little group. You will find lots of support here from people who genuinly care and who know what you are going through. I'm a bit concerned with some of your feelings. Although it is normal to be nervous, you sound a bit more than nervous. Have you discussed these concerns with your psychiatrist? If you feel that you are being selfish because you only want a better body, that is something you should discuss with him/her. There are many reasons for the surgery, mainly health reasons. Getting a better body is an extra benefit! You need to feel very comfortable with your decision to move forward with the surgery. You should do as much research as possible, and become a part of a support group (good step joining us) . Are you moving forward too quickly? Should you slow things down a bit until you have done more research and feel comfortable? These are some questions you may want to ask yourself. Although I knew the risks, and I never wanted to have anything happen to me (I have 3 children and a wonderful husband that I did not want to leave behind), I had a real peace about what I was doing before going forward with the surgery. I was confident it was the best decision I could make for myself, and that if something happened, at least I was trying to save myself. Hope this helps some. God Bless, Kathy Bilodeau Lap RNY 12/3/03 -87 lbs.