Normal or Not

Ya know...up until yesterday I was so excited about having WLS, but last night I started to think about things going wrong. I actually started to cry because I have a 2 year old little girl and I do not want her to lose her mommy. I started to think that I was being selfish....that maybe I just never tried hard enough to lose the weight....maybe god wanted me to be fat to teach me something. Today I am so scared. Its like I am on the fence about everything. I am so scared that my Ins. wont approve me to have WLS and at the same time I am so scared that they will. I keep coming up with a ton of questions. Is this normal or am I just a freak. I was talking with my boyfriend about all of this last night and he told me that you can die just driving to work and I shouldnt worry about it, he said I wont die. I have never ever had any type of surgery but when I gave birth to my little girl I almost bleed to death. AUGH! I drive myself crazy!

HELLO MELISSIA, FIRST OF ALL, YOU MADE THE RIGHT DECISION TO GO FOR THIS SURGERY AND YOU WILL LIVE LONGER AND BETTER HEALTHIER FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR DAUGTHER AFTER YOU HAD THIS SURGERY YOU CHOSE THE BEST DOCTOR DR BELL WHICH I HEARD HE IS VERY GOOD DOCTOR. WE ALL SUPPORT YOU AND WILL STICK BEHIND YOU ALL THE WAY IF YOU ASK US TO HELP AND SUPPORT YOU. PLEASE COME TO THE GATHERING PARTY ON JUNE 12 BECAUSE YOU WILL MEET ALOT OF PEOPLE WHO ARE POST OP AND PRE OP PEOPLE THERE. I BET YOU AFTER YOU WENT TO GATHERING PARTY, YOU WILL FEEL GOOD AND WILL MAKE NEW FRIENDS FROM THE PARTY. ASK POST OP OR PRE OP PEOPLE MANY QUESTIONS AND WE WILL BE HAPPY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS AS WE CAN TRY OUR BEST. I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO MEET YOU THERE. TAKE CARE KATHY

Melissa, Your feelings are very normal. I had many of the same thoughts. I also told myself that I could die from a heart attack or diabetes so why not try to fix it now. My friend has a three year old, and she questioned herself the same way. Then she just kept telling herself that her daughter was her inspiration for the surgery, so she could be more active with her. Many feelings will come and go before surgery. It's a roller coaster ride for sure. Maggie

You're very normal. It's scary to think about going into a major surgery, let alone one which will change your life to a large degree. But I think in the long run, the greater threat would exist if you didn't have the surgery. It's been a wonderful gift that continues to bring me new energy and the belief that I did the right thing. Don't worry about being worried ... I think it would be less normal if you went into surgery without a care about what might happen. But it'll be fine!! Good luck to you -- definitely try to join us in June. You'll find a whole lot of inspiration there! Kathy F.

Of course its normal to feel this way! In fact, anything you feel through this experience is "normal" - this is a major, life changing journey you are on. Try to relax and think about all the good things that you will be experiencing after the surgery. You have a great surgeon (I think he's the best), so nothing to worry about there. God Bless, and I'll be praying for you. Kathy Bilodeau

Hi Melissa, I spent months researching this surgery, and was positive it was for me. The benefits versus the risks, etc. But, I have to tell you when they called me with my surgery date, I kind of freaked. But, I worked through it. It was my fear, that yes I could die, or have major complications. I made out a will, I got my life insurance in order. It was scary, but had to be done. Then I thought about how my life would be if I didn't go through with it. Do I want to continue gaining, feeling the phsyical pain? Do I want to suffer the embarrassment and humiliation of being this large for the rest of my life? What kind of messages will my little one hear at school about her big mommy, will she get teased? How will she feel about me? Will she feel as ashamed of my weight as I do? Will she grow up fat too? I know I cannot lose this weight alone. I have tried, as we all have. I thought about my 5 year old growing up without a mommy, but in actuality, if I don't have this surgery, I probably don't have even 20 years left of my life. I need to do this for my daughter, as much as for myself. The risks are there, but that is why we do all the pre-op testing. The fear has mostly passed, I would be lying if I said I have no fear. But, the fear I have of continuing to live my life this way greatly outweighs the fear of having the surgery. The risks are higher for me to do nothing than to have the surgery as well. And yes, I too believe we could go at any moment, like your husband said, for any number of reasons. This is just my opinion. No one can tell you what to do, or how to feel about this. It is an extremely personal decision for each of us. I wish you luck in your journey, no matter what you choose. Anne

Hi Melissa, As everyone said your feelings are certainly normal and they will swing back and forth hundreds of time. What I did before I had surgery which really helped me stay focused was to make a list. On one side I had the positive benefits of surgery and on the other side I listed the negative things. This constantly reminded me of the reasons that I really wanted and needed to have this done. I have had several complications from surgery but have no regrets. Please post whenever you have a question or just need to vent. We are a great group of caring individuals who will always be there for you. Best wishes, Mary Lou