DIVORCE

It has been awhile since I have been on and I really need some advice right now. My husband and I have decided that I have changed so much in the past year that it would be best for us to split up.  Of course I have changed.  I lost 125 lbs. I know I have changed but still, it doesn't make it any easier to deal with.   Does anyone know of a support group (can be on-line) for bypass patients going through divorce?  I would appreciate any help finding one!!! Thanks, Jen

I would go to the main OH board and post there.  There are So many people on there...maybe there is even a forum on OH, for all I know! Hang in there.   Remember, change is good, even though it sometimes hurts for a while. Paula

Hi - I'm sorry you have to go through this but I don't understand why you don't try counseling first? Although you've changed -fundamentally you are still you. Unless of course you two just don't love each other any longer.....

Best of luck to you.

Jen-

Hope you won't mind a response from someone who has walked along a similar path to the one you're on (and who also used to practice divorce law and serve as a guardian for children and a child investigator in custody cases). If you click on the "forums" link (http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/) you will find a number of different message boards where some members might be able to share a link to a more focused on-line support group.  For instance, the "Sex Before and After WLS" has many regular contributors who might be able to guide you where to find the support you deserve (that message board is not as randy as its title might suggest and the members there offer lots of sound, practical advice in dealing with relationship issues). 

Also, lots of our meetings (at the peer-to-peer support group at Norwalk Hospital) deal with relationship issues because many of us appreciate (and are more than just a little empathetic) how the significant changes we experience following successful bariatric surgery have an impact on those in our lives.  Remember that spouses who have difficulty appreciating a weight loss surgery patient's new found confidence, or passing concern with his or her appearance, or who suffer from their own low self-esteem, will have difficulty in dealing with all the changes that occur post-operatively.  And, although I am a firm believer in leaving no stone unturned in salvaging a marriage, I also grasp that some issues run so deep that the chasm might never been bridgeable, regardless of how talented a therapist might be in helping the parties see that difference. Follow your heart, get the support you deserve to help you with the emotional turmoil of contemplating ending a marriage and, of course, seek skilled legal advice in making the decision that best safeguard's your (and any children's) future.

Hi Jen, Remember me?  I haven't been on the boards in like forever either.  We talked at the picnic.  I remember our conversation about relationship issues.  As you know, I was going through a divorce which actually just became final a couple of weeks ago.  Although it was amicable, it was still a very difficult and emotional time especially when you have kids to consider.  I was fortunate to have a lot of loving support from family and friends, some who have had divorces themselves.   In any case, I would like to offer my friendship and support to you..  We live very close to eachother.  If you ever need to talk or you would like to meet, we could get together.   Here is my email addy:  [email protected]    Big hugs to you Jen

terri

Hello Jen, I feel your pain as my husand walked out on me 9/14/07 and that SAME night met someone else and has been seeing her ever since and she is Married. I have begged and pleaded for him to come back but he won't. I could use a friend to talk to as I am also post op. I have actually just went from a size 12 on 9/14/07 to a size 8 NOW from depression and not eating. I am actually smaller now then I was when he met me. Email me at [email protected]  if you feel like chatting. Believe me I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL!! Lisa

I'm gonna have to check into these links as well because I'm affraid that divorce is where my marriage is headed also. In my case I think the issues have always been there but I now have a sense of self worth and finally realize that I don't deserve to be miserable. I don't deserve to be putting in so much effort and not getting anything in return. A marriage is supposed to be aboyt balance, each party giving effort and trying to meet in the middle at a 50/50....I found that I am crossing the line and putting in 80 to his 20....enough about me I just wanted you to know that I feel for you and know where you're coming from. I wish you all the best.