Family Issues

Hi everyone, Happy Hump Day! i have a question and I need profession advice. I do not get along with my sister-in-law, but she has been amazingly supportive through this journey. We went to her house for dinner this weekend, and she told me specifically not to worry, she'd have food there for me. Well, as we sat down for dinner, I see salad with real bleu cheese dressing already mixed in, scallops in an alfredo sauce and pasta (I cant even begin to think what that would do to me!) and broccoli rabe with a ton of olive oil. NOTHING I can eat!! She was to cook me a few scallops separetly, but claimed, "Oh, I forogt!" with a nasty grin on her face. I was embarrassed, angry and disappointed. I just smiled and said I would be all set, not hungry anyway (true, but not the point) and I went into the living room, steaming. I think she did it intentionally. My husband, (this is his sister) thinks I'm crazy. This has been a subject we're been, umm, debating since Saturday night. When we go to friends or any other family they all seem to be so concerned to make sure I have something to eat, this just blew me away. Am I making too much out of this? Has anything like this happened to anyone else?

OK- so where does the 'amazingly supportive' part come in? Was it Freud that says "there is no such thing as accidents"? Sounds like she's got issues. Maybe she's jealous. Next time you go, bring your own food. Tell her 'Oh- that's OK, I know you couldn't handle the restricted low fat, low carb diet I follow, so I brought my own. Thanks anyway! A back handed comment, if she's jealous. But, one that will cause no offense, if it was a terrible oversight (yeah, right) BTW- as a hostess, shouldn't you go out of your way, as a matter of common decency, to make sure that you're preparing something your guest can eat? Does she invite vegetarians over and serve them steak? Does she serve cake for dessert to diabetics? Not only is she probably jealous and scared that you'll be thinner than her, she's rude and a bad hostess to boot. Miss Manners would have a field day with her. To add my experience.... I REALLY don't like my SIL. She actually told me in an email (that she sent to me by accident) when she thought she was sending to a friend with the same name (she picked the wrong person from her address book) that she was teaching my niece the difference between me and her friend buy calling her friend 'little Lisa' and me "big lisa" since I was so humoooooonnnnnngus. Nice thing to teach a child, huh? Anyway, my point is this. That day, I had an insight into her personality that gave me a glimpse of the REAL person she was. She let her guard down, and I saw behind the mask. I decieded I don't have room in my life for that type of person. We're cordial, but nothing more, to this day. Looks like you too have that glimpse of what kind of person your SIL really is. Now you have to decide what to do with her. BTW- my SIL figured out what she did and never apologized. I guess a sincere "I'm sorry" isn't in my sister in law's vocbulary either! Good luck to you. There's nothing that will drive her more crazy than a big smile on your face, and the same size (or smaller) jeans on your butt! Lisa C

It's my brother in law that I can't stand. It seems the only time my husbands brothers call is if they want $$$$$! My hubby will call and sometimes even try to make plans, but,"too busy," always is the answer until they need something and he'd better jump or else he,"doesn't have anything to do with the family". Somehow it has become my fault, but my hubby says he never spent that much time with them in the first place. My BIL actually said to my mom when we first got engaged, "Let's see how long this one lasts". HE was married for 11 years and got divorced. So, apparently my relationship with him won't work either. I try to avoid them as much as I can. Some people have NO class and we just need to look past it. You love your hubby and I'm sure he loves you and his sis and doesn't want to hurt anyones feelings. Also, he probably grew up protecting his sis so he doesn't see what she is doing wrong. Just remeber, you are obviously a better person and you don't need to get mad- get even LOL! I think people honestly have no clue what it is really like to have this surgery. Just ignore her. Good luck! Christine

Boy Deb, the saying, you can pick your friends but not your family huh? That's awful. Of course, the "discussion" you have with your hubby will never go your way completely since "it's family" and all. Don't bother, you know the real her and you know how to deal with her from now on. I would definetely follow Lisa's advice and not allow her to cook for you going forward. AND your sweetest revenge will be your future look! My FIL (he's 80) had cataract surgery the other day, and I brought him to the doctor. On the way there he says, "You look 20 years younger now, you were really fat before" ok, this is a compliment in his book. I guess what I think from this is again, genetically thin people seem to be of the opinion not only were we fat, but stupid too. Your IQ isn't tied to your weight for God's sake. grrrrr......