to tell or not to tell

Have anyone out there had a problem about who to tell and who not??? well in my case I'm not telling any co-workers not to many family members either so far about four individuals, I know people gonna wonder how come I'm loosing weight --alot of people around me know I'm very stress I tould one person my kids father,,,, I had a thyroid problem and needed surgery to correct the problem of me gaining weight ,,do you think that's a wrong way of going about it with your kids father even if you not together

It's really no one's business why you're losing weight.  for all they know (and you can tell them this) is that you're really watching what you're eating and have cut WAY down on portion size (which you've done all of these!) Don't lie, just don't tell.,  I told some people, but didn't tell some.  It was a long time after I had lost 100 + pounds and they asked how I did it and I was no longer that "shame" feeling that some make you feel for not doing it the "conventional" way... My opinion, "to each his own"  you do it how you have to. Paula

Once I had the surgery I told the whole world.  But before I was quite only because I'm superstitious.  I'm afraid if I tell ahead of time it won't happen.  Now I tell everyone.  Hopefully in the hopes of helping just one other person. Maybe that person knows someone who would benefit from the surgery and they can tell them about my experiences. Because I do believe you have to pay it forward. Good luck with your journey. Koukla

I have decided that I would like to keep that information to myself when my time comes as well. I am a teacher and I would feel uncomfortable with my teenage students finding out about it. I am a pretty open person and I thought they might guess on their own so I figured I might as well tell them. But so what if they guess? It's your own decision but in my experience there were a few family members I probably should never have told and I see that now because I am avoiding them until after the surgery is done that I decided to go ahead with it. You don't have to feel obligated to tell anyone that you don't want to. God luck, you'll be in my prayers!

For me, I felt that it would take a village to raise a thin person, so I was very open with neighbors, friends and family about my choice and the reasons for it.  Part of me hoped that feeling some societal pressure would keep on course when I wanted to cheat (and, it did). But, I started a job after getting to my goal weight, so there was a whole new world of people who had never known me as heavy-- with them, I just didn't volunteer that I had had my innards completely re-routed and learned to move my food around enough at lunches so give the illusion that I could eat like most others.  But then, an interesting little thing happened that highlighted to my co-workers that I was someone who had lost 300 pounds- I recorded a public service announcement for our hospital bariatric program and was heard on local radio for months.  Enough people heard it that they did ask-- but after the initial stunned look that I was once more than twice my current weight, the curiousity factor subsided and I went back to being the annoying guy who drank too much coffee. 

Thank you all its nice reading all the replies .Let me telll you my support will be my mom and a brother I also tould two girlfriends and  would like to be open to telling other people but I dont wanna hear --you not that big ,,you can do it on your own,,, you don't need surgery to loose weight you taking the easy way out which was what my bestfriend tould me ,,,,she also said  I'll support you in any way I can,,,, I'm for whatever makes anyone happy so I have decided that from this point on even though she knows my surgery date I'm not sharing anything that as to do with my surgery I feel that I dont need no one having negative thoughts about my decision .

I was careful about who I told initially just because I had taken a long time deciding that this was the right thing for me and I didn't want to deal with a lot of negativity and second guessing by well meaning (but sometimes biased) friends and family.  What I did discover, however, is that there is a lot of ignorance among even educated people about the surgery (about all weight loss surgeries), what the long term implications are, what it means for one's lifestyle, etc.  If you do tell people, you should be prepared to educate them on exactly what this surgery will mean for you, both physically and from the perspective of how you are hoping it will change your life.  When I told people, a lot of them had the initial reaction "oh, why do this?  I like you the way you are!"  And I had to explain to them that it was not a vanity thing, it was a matter of life or death for me.  I want to be around for my kids and I want to be able to do things with them and give them the kind of life I want them to have.  So, anyway, just be confident in yourself that you have made the right decision. Then choose carefully who you tell.  Be prepared for some unexpected responses from some people and also to have to educate the people you tell about what the surgery really is and what it means.  I have steered people close to me to this website to get a full picture of what this surgery has meant to other people as well as what we all go through pre-op and post-op.  I think then they realize that this is far from an "easy way out".  Best of luck to you.  Hang in there and be strong.  Laurie

I say go with what feels right for you. Listen to your inner wisdom... we ALL have that voice. Me? I told people but with prudence. And no matter what the response, I knew what was the best for me. I think it is wise to communicate with the father of your children. That can be helpful if and when they have any questions. He can then say... Mommy will be ok, etc. good luck. T. 

I agree with Towanda about telling your kids father. They will have questions that he might have to answer. But if he is not in the picture (as in doesn't see the kids and wont be taking care of them post-op) that is a different story.But if he will be helping out he just might be the one to help them with fears.  I have told tons of people that I know will support me. I have also told a few that don't. The ones that don't I don't talk to about this. But then my mother-in-law's sister is as big as my right leg and has always been that way, so I should have known she wouldn't have supported me. I have found 99% of the people I have told are supportive. You just have to pick who you tell. I work in a very large department and a handful of people there know. Why? One, most of the relationships I have there are very casual and two, I don't trust them not to make fun of me.  I hope this makes some sense to you. Good luck in your decision of telling.

I was more like Steve... in the first few steps I was taking I didn't tell many people until I had decided this was what I was going to do and it felt right, once I began having my appointments set up and everything, I told the world... well those around me...   I felt that I would need to have a bit of support and as scared as I was about the criticsm, I am glad I decided to tell people. The people in my department knew early on, as did the two immediate supervisors I had, my family and friends knew and I think I have to give credit to them for helping me stay on the right track pre-op wise and which is what alloweed me to lose enough weight to convince Dr. Barba's office to try for laporscopic bypass on me (which was what I succesfully had).  I know when I return to work, in just about 2-3weeks, that they are cheering me on and will be there to support me.   Now mind you, this was what felt right to me.  You must do what feels right for you and you are most comfortable with.  You are the one going threw this and it should be what you want and feels best that comes first, not what others did or what they prefer...  If you feel you want to keep it to yourself for whatever your reasons, then do so... do what feels right!