A revelation about self esteem...

This is a re-post of what I placed on the national board... I wanted to make sure that my CT friends get to see it. SO here goes... I am 13 mos post op- having lost about 155 lbs to date (still creeping along!) I'm doing so well, and I'm so happy feeling that I have accomplished most that I have set out to. I have a list of things I wanted from this surgery posted on my profile. Among them, I did not list SELF ESTEEM., I had always felt that I had plenty, and was doing fine. I was one of those happy fat gals- you know living life, doing things, going places, etc. What I didn't realize is that having the courage to get up every day and face life as an obeese person, with a smiling happy face is NOT the same thing as having self esteem. Funny, it seems fairly obvious to me now, but never would have occurred to me before. Without self esteem, there was always an underlying feeling of dread in social situations, fearing that I would be put in an uncomfortable situation or singled out in some way. This 'deficiency' is especially prominenent when it comes to interacting with men. In my case, any man, that is, except my husband. Having self esteem -or self love- gives you more than courage, it gives you confidence, an internal feeling of self worth which radiates outward and so much more, that I could go on about... To put it in perspective, I had a wonderful experience this past weekend. I won a contest and got the opportunity to meet Dave Matthews up close and personal. Last year- I would have 'gifted' the tickets away, KNOWING that I'd be the fattest person there and not being able to handle being in that situation. This year- I went! I brought my SIL, who is a huge DM fan, for cover (you know- someone to get the attention off of me)- just in case! Turns out I didn't need her though! I found that when he came around and spoke to me that I had the courage to look him in the eye and have actual personal contact- not just look down and make some non descript comment. We chatted for a few minutes, touched a bit and laughed once or twice. I'm not a huge fan, but what a nice guy, and really cute (those eyes!) in person too. Last year, I would have been so concerned with thinking about what he, and everyone else in the room, was thinking about huge me, that I would never have been able to enjoy the experience. I probably would have felt ill and not even remembered a moment of it. Not this year though. So, I guess self esteem is going to have to go on that little goal list on my profile. And, I resolve for this New Year to make working on my self esteem more of a prominent thought in my life. Thanks for listenting...sorry to ramble. I hope that some can relate.

Lisa, I really want to thank you SO much for posting this. It really touched me... from one self-proclaimed former "happy fat girl" to another... I can really put myself there in your shoes. With a renewed, or in some cases, newly-found self-esteem, self-confidence, a sense of self-worth AND increasingly better health... we have been given an awesome gift. Thanks again for posting your feelings and experience for us all to enjoy. Continued success to you, Kim

WOW ! This was a fantastic post.. ramble on? -I was looking for more.. Have a great holiday Elaine

Hi Lisa - I just loved your post. You've made me feel that I am not alone in these feelings that I'm having. And I can totally relate to the experiences you talk about. Thank you so much for the words of wisdom. I too will put the self-esteem goal on my list for 2004!!! Hugs, Carla

Hi Lisa, How wonderful for you!!! I'm so glad you posted this. This is such a great positive re-enforcement for those of us searching for that elusive self-esteem. I so looking forward to having that in my life. Words of wisdom like this are certainly not rambling You ramble any time you want. You can't imagine how many people are affected by a post like this. Happy Holidays to you and your family, Mary Lou