GRRRRRRRRRR

We need a head banging smiley for me I think. Cause I feel like I am always banging my head with the sh. Just when I thought I was getting through to him he is still a stubborn well jerk. I asked if he wanted to go to me appointment on Tuesday (I can't believe it's here already) and he just had his little fit. I'm like why do you think I am working all this extra (I have spent time with him ONCE this week and have kissed him hello/goodbye as we pass each other at the door) I don't even know if I will see him tomorrow or not. I will see him on weekends and Wednesdays (I have class) only until I have surgery probably. He still is not happy about the money. Oh well, I am off to therapy and then to work. Later all!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let him stew....once a dh always a dh!!! Maybe he'll come around, someday, who knows? Doesn't he want a healthy, svelte wife on his arm? Money isn't anything when you're six feet under and he's all alone with his mommy! Tell him to grow up or you're leaving him, there's a million of them just like him out there, and you will find the one that's not cause you'll be so thin that they'll be banging down your door! Talk it all out with your therapist. Make a decision that's best for Y O U, you! Not him. Stubborn old man...grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Makes you want to be a lesbian, doesn't it? LOL Paula

Kathy, you MUST do this for you - not for him, not for anyone else - just you. Marriage is really hard even in the best of cir****tances. There are three facets of a healthy marriage: 1. a healthy YOU; 2. a healthy HIM; 3. a healthy COUPLE. If these three components are not in harmony, there is no health in the marriage. All you can work on, all you can change, is the YOU part. Get HEALTHY and let the rest fall into place as it will. And don't waste your energy on being angry - won't change a damn thing. Do what you have to do for YOU. Take care, M.

Thanks guys but I have given up on him and I am just doing what I need to do. My best friend in CT is going to the appointment on Tuesday with me for support. I am sure he will come around at least on the day of surgery to take me and visit me in the hopital. LOL Yeah it can make ya want to be a lesbian but then I change my mind. Oh and if it was that kind of therapy why would I vent on the boards as much? It was for my hand since I have too much scar tissue. LOL I'm not really angry, just frustrated and I need a place to vent. Thanks all for listening to the same stuff different day. Kathy

Kathy - Do you love your husband?

Yes Tammy, I love my husband dearly. I just get frustrated with his attitud at times.

I understand about getting frustrated - I think everyone who is married experiences that - I was just asking to understand what the foundation of your relationship was - because if it's a solid foundation then you have something to work with - you can never change anyone but yourself - I know you know that - walking around feeling frustrated isn't good for you - I'm not saying you don't have a right to that emotion - what I am saying is that having that emotion while going through such a major life changing event isn't good for you. The only way to get rid of it is either if your husband changes or you change your perspective. The odds of you changing him aren't high - that change has to come from within himself - he has his own fears to work out. So - it appears that the best thing you can do for yourself right now is to just be accepting that he is going to be the way he is and let it go -otherwise you're building a case for resentment. Carrying around resentment in a marriage is like cancer to a relationship - not a good thing. If you can some how find a way to accept him and not try to change him (you can always wish) maybe he'll come around - sometimes when a person is backed into a corner they rebel - you want him to be supportive so badly and want him to act like a loving supportive husband and he's not doing that at all...........It's not easy to be accepting of your spouse when they are acting like a total jerk. But I can tell you from experience, that if you completely love your spouse and you can find a way from within yourself to be completely accepting of him it becomes a much easier way to live. Let me give you an example - it's not close to what you're going through - but just a glimpse of letting go........when I met my husband he was very outgoing - when I fell in love with him he stopped wanting to be social. I asked him why the change and he said because he wanted me to like him and that's why he went places with me... so I got mad at him - saying - so you made me fall in love with an illusion? Anyway - I was already head over heels madly and comletely inlove with him - there was no way I was going to leave him - he was my soul mate!! Over the years I used to get so mad at him for not wanting to go places we were invited - I was a total social person..... the resentment (and fights) were not fun to live with.......then I decided to just let it go - if I wanted to go somewhere and he didn't - I wouldn't make an excuse like - "oh David has a headache" - I stopped trying to "cover up" and make him the man I wanted him to be - I would just show up and say "David was being David and decided he didn't want to come" - it was liberating to me. Some of my friends think it's horrible if he backs out on me at the last minute - and to be perfectly honest - it is very crappy of him - but it's the way he is..........the good far out weigh the bad - he is a good man, a good father and a good husband. He works hard, he cleans the house,does the laundry, takes care of the yard, pays the bills, never drinks, doesn't do drugs, is always gentle and kind and he is very warm, affectionate and loving - so with all that good - it is a waste of my energy to hold resentment for the time he said he'd go to dinner and at the last minute decides he doesn't want to go - I can't say that is doesn't hurt and I don't get mad - but I just let him know that without yelling - and I also don't HOLD on to it for long periods of time - I go on my way or decide I'd rather stay home with him - I can't change him, I can only change me. I absolutely and totally adore, admire, respect and love my husband.......if this is the case for you, you have to find a way to come to terms with his unsupportive behavior, otherwise it's going to keep eating at you. I hope you can get it resolved and I hope this helps you in some way......... Warm Regards, Tammy