how did you kill the demon?

Ok, i'm on the pre-op road to the bypass surgery after thinking about it for about 1.5+ years. i'm so excited and happy and hopefull. the biggest fear i have is the demon that controls my life now. eating - emotional eating, comfort foods, the carbohydrate drive, the fast food, the lack of good planning to eat healthy. How did you kill this demon because my biggest fear is my lack of confidence in my ability to NOT go back to bad habits after everything i would've done to get my weight down. i need to hear about people's stories that have failed and let this demon back into their life, i need to hear how people struggled with it, i need to hear how people overcame. I've read the stories about people turning to support groups, going back to thei original diet of exercise and liquids and no carbs - but what makes you regroup? what makes those of you who have NOT fought this demon get rid of it forever. please, and thanks. darlene

Darlene: I hate to have to be the one to break the bad news to you, but you never REALLY kill the demon. You beat it up a bit, it becomes less demonic, but it never dies. You learn through a lot of time that you must, as Towanda says, "Embrace the demon, and know that it's a part of you." It's part of your makeup. And, through support groups, nutritional counseling, individual therapy if thats what you chose, you learn ways to keep the demon at bay. Early on it's pretty easy, there's really only so much that you can eat without getting physically sick. You'll test your limits, you'll try "off-limits" foods, AND you'll get sick, once, twice, maybe even 3 or 4 times. Eventually it sinks in that that food really isn't woth the way it's going to make you feel. At about a year you are so pumped on where you've gotten with your weight loss that that contiunues to be your motivation. You're in much smaller clothing, a whole new wardrobe, etc, etc. The demon shows up around year2 or 3. You've pretty much maxed out your weight loss. Your body has leveled off, maybe you've even gained a pound or two. That's your body finding the place(weight-wise) where IT wants to be. Now is the time to really start using what you've learned up to this point. By now you CAN eat a bit more, you CAN eat some of the "bad" foods that we've been beaten up all these years for eating. It's all about managing. Managing your appetite, managing the demon telling it you're aware of it's presence, and that you may even have a piece of whatever, but that's it, just a bite or 2. All those years at weigh****chers, they actually had a valid point, the first and last bites really do taste the same. Do we really need to have ALL those bites in between?? I have learned a lot through our support groups, the therapists that run the groups, and the people that I've met along the way, like Towanda!! I hope this helps, and doesn't scare you. I'd be gald to talk to you if you have any questions or concerns, e mail me anytime. Good luck and God Bless! Bob

Hello I agreed what Bob said to you and we have to use our tools to keep our successfully. The tools are going to support group, call or see post op person to talk and support each other, eat right foods and exercise 3 or 4 times a week for rest of your life. Cannot make no excuse for exercise. I am almost 3 years post op and I still have demons are calling me into carb stuffs so I am using my tool to keep myself stay good shape. Go to Bob's support group and meet our wonderful Towanda and The gangs there! Take care, Kathy K

ok kathy - now you all have me wanting to meet you. which support group - at st v's? darlene....

Bob - thanks so much, i guess what i'm realizing from alot of you out here is the real truth - that the demon never dies. i guess i was wishing to get lots of people tell me he can be buried, but the truth is far better to know now. thank you so so much for your support! Darla

Think of it this way Darla (love that name btw!)... That "demon", as you call it, is an important part of you. Perhaps it is the part that holds your true passion fo life? Perhaps something else. Without it you would not be complete. It is just learning a new way of expressing it that is the key. While there is the mundane managing of the calories in/calories out thing, there is also the emotional journey we all make. Take your entire self on that journey. You are, as Mary Ziller says, COMING HOME to your authentic self. Welcome Home. T.

Hey Robert- Just have a question for you and noticed you live very close, and went to the same group of Dr.s for your RNY... My question is, who did your plastic surgery? I am having plastics in Norwalk by Dr. Rosen on March 6th and just curious to see who you went to..... Thanx -Toni

We all have different demons, which as Bob eloquently highlighted, are never really slayed. Whether you were a stress eater, a grazer, a carb-oholic, an entitlement eater (you know, the person who has the desserts because he deserves it or because other people eat it), or just someone who made a series of very poor food choices over a long period of time, you will need to find the particular strategy that will work for you. And, you'll need to recognize that the strategies will need to change over time as your attitudes about food change. When I first felt true hunger at about 6 months out, I had already lost over 200 pounds, was active with my support groups, but still realized that I needed some professional guidance in dealing with the stress of dealing with hunger. At that time, a professional counselor (one with lots of experience with addiction issues) helped a great deal. Then, as my ability to tolerate a wider array of foods developed, I knew that I needed some additional nutritional guidance so I worked closely with my surgeon and his staff and did lots of reading and research on the subject (plus, a dear friend in our support group was a true nutritional guru who helped tremendously). Eventually, I realized that what was needed was some guidance in attempting to seemlessly integrate the new rules and attitude toward food in my daily life, so I turned to my mentor and relied on him. Through it all, I found that there have been some constants: 1. A daily reminder that I am ultimately responsible for everythying that passes my lips. 2. A steadfast adherence to certain bright line rules (such as no sugar) because I need the confidence that abiding by such rules brings. 3. A belief that I am not deprived because I can't and won't eat unhealthy foods. 4. And finally, and perhaps most importantly, a willingness and a desire to involve myself in support groups where I find that the sense of community and friendship provdes added motivation and encouragement when I hear the demons knocking. An addicion counselor (actually, it was my dad who had founded several successful drug treatment programs in the 1970's) told me as I began this journey that my issues with food were like a monkey on my back. He said that, although I might always have the monkey there, it would be my choice whether I entertained the beast-- and that, although giving it to the monkey's needs might be easier at times, it would only lead to greater and more frequent demands. His bottom line: eternal vigilence and awareness. Good luck in your journey.

Steve, As always you say everything so very eloquently as Bob has. You both have made me realize my demons and have helped me along the way. I hope this new person takes all this advice and becomes strong from it. Thanks guys for always being there both STEVE AND BOB!!!! You have both come along way and I am so honored to know you both. Hey Steve, email me when you get a chance I have some personal questions to ask you about me. Hugs to all KimC

Hello Darlene, Take the advice of these two wise gentlemen. They know what they are talking about. I have known them awhile and they are both so very wise. You will get through this like all of us and there will be ups and downs, but you have alot of support here on the boards and at your support group too. Good Luck to you. Your on your way to a wonderful journey. Hugs KimC