why did i have this surgery?

has anyone ever ask themselves the question why did i have this surgery? i'm nothing but a big failure, i can't even stick to the correct foods, my weigh loss has stopped it's been 2yrs today and i'm still overweight i weighed 336-now i'm 252 i really didn't lose much i'm being picked on by my boyfriend about my fat biceps because they hang and it makes me really feel ugly to the point that i hate what i look like i don't like looking at myself in the mirror, i want this nightmare to end i just want to be thin and healthy. i try each day to do the right thing but i always mess up somewhere down the line. i really don't know what else to do--i guess that i'm a big fat failure

Hi Lydia, Don't get so down on yourself. We all had surgery on our stomachs, not our heads! Can you get to a therapist that deals with eating disorders? Call your surgeon's office and see if they have names of anyone they can refer you to. It sounds like you need to get a grip on the eating, but, maybe you first need to get to the bottom of "why" you eat. We all have fallen before. I'm in the same boat right now. (but I don't regret this surgery) I have a lot of stressful events coming up in the next several months and because I can't "figure it all out" now, I've been walking up to the pantry or fridge to eat because of the nerves and anticipation of what' to come. Boredom is a big thing for me, too. If I'm bored, I go to eat. It's winter and it's not as easy to get outside to do fun things and stay active. I find myself asking, am I really hungry or am I just bored? As far as your boyfriend goes, that's just plain rude and mean of him to make fun of you and nail him for it. Sit him down and tell him how it really hurts your feelings when he makes fun of you...that you're not perfect and neither is he and to please stop nit picking you because you're very sensitive about it in the first place. Ask him to "help" you get rid of (if that's possible, my arms flap like carwash brushes!) them instead of picking on them and you. If he doesn't get the picture, than maybe it's time to re-evaluate your relationship with him. You don't need someone abusive in your life. Hang in there..try to get some help, go to support groups and come here...you'll also get support. Paula

hi paula, thanks for the reply i really needed to vent because it is a really touchy area for me, i don't like the way i look as it is and i'm trying to make the right adjustments each day, i always use to live life days ahead compiled into one day,so this year i promised to stay focused and become more determined to get my behind in gear and get rid of the excess weight and negativity. i can truly use all the encouragement i can get

Lydia, First of all, you are not a failure if you are still registering a loss. 84lbs is still a success in my book. It's hard even with the surgery to keep on track. Especially after two years. Secondly, I have a huge issue with your boyfriend picking on you. That does not sound like a healthy relationship at all. Take it from someone who has been in their share of exstremly unhealthy and abusive relationships before meeting Mr. right. That might be part of the problem. Low self esteem might be causing you to give up and give in to temptation. It's never too late to re-evaluate and start again. You have a wonderful tool and a great support team here. Please don't call yourself a failure. You have identified a problem and that is always the first step in fixing it. You just need to figure out what the next step is for you. ( Nutritionist, getting counceling, etc....) Know that there is always a group here ready to support you. Maggie

Hi Lydia, I know why I had this surgery. So I could see my son get married and have kids so I would watch them make him crazy the way he makes me sometimes. Honestly, Like most of us slipping is part of the "Journey" we took on when we had this surgery. The important thing is to get back up and get back on track! Go to support group meetings. Write what your eating on the "Food Log" here every day. Just seeing what your eating helps you make better choices ! Its up to you! You are surrounded by people that will help you. As far as the "Boyfriend" tell him to grow up or hit the road !Simple as that! So,its up to you young Lady! No one can make your choices for you, all we can do is help, and we will. They are lots of great people on this board that would be more than happy to help you get back on track. You need to decide if you want to do it! Take care and hope to see you on the board again and often! Mother Hen

Lydia, You are having many of the same problems today that you had when you were out 9 months. You owe it to yourself to make the most of the opportunity you were given. And, you are certainly entitled to feel good about yourself. Even if you hadn't lost and sustained over 80 pounds, you wouldn't be a failure because you took a chance to improve your health. The fact that you have been struggling with these same issues for such a long time but have still be able to maintain your initial loss is a testament to how hard you are working and how badly you want to succeed. You can harness that strength for future success. If you find you some help gaining perspective on how to give up your problem foods and on figuring out why you think you need me, call an eating disorder counsellor (I think the world of Dr. James Wegner in Westport and Dr. Rob Tepley in Norwalk). Find a new surgeon (particularly now that Dr. Tran is no longer in CT) and get some guidance from them. Lastly, know that we have many different support groups in the area that are free and open to all and that are not affiliated with any particular surgical program. You have peers at Norwalk Hospital who meet at 6 p.m. in the first floor volunteer conference on the FIRST WEDNESDAY and on the THIRD MONDAY of every month. We are a peer-lead group and would welcome you with open arms.

Lydia, I am the "newbie" here (7 wks post op) I have been struggling to make good food choices all my life (like most people with a weight issue) I didn't like the support groups in the beg. because I felt I knew what I had to do and wouldn't learn much. Plus I already have soooo much DRAMA in my life I felt I didn't need anyone elses. Well I was wrong. I went back for another try. I did learn A LOT. I became accountable for myself, and my choices. Food wise I have been doing a daily food journal at www.fitday.com this is a free site and gives you some great tools to HELP you make better choices. Get back to basics. If you can meet with your nutrition person again, re read your post op instructions to remind yourself of how many cals/day. Get a pedometer and keep active (someone said to help boost weight loss do 12,000 steps/day). Take time for YOURSELF! (THAT was the hardest thing for me and I know I will struggle with that my whole life!) YOU ARE WORTH THE EFFORT! Best Wishes! Kate

Lydia..... Once time passes and it gets easier to slip back into the old habits, it is easy to feel like a failure..I do too at times. But really, it is all a matter of perspective, and determination. I find that making goals for myself helps me stay on track. Right now I have a goal to run in a couple of 5k runs in the spring...My exersize was getting too unfocused, and I was losing motivation, so I made a specific goal that helps me stick to my plan. Also, if I may be so blunt, looking good was NOT the reason you had this surgery, so don't focus on the physical things you don't like, like your biceps....Instead try to focus on what you have gained, things you are able to do now that you could not do before. And your boyfriend sounds like an a$$... This is just my 2 cents worth.... Other than that, just hang in there and keep working the tool. You can do it...You lost 84 pounds, that's nothing to sneeze at...If you really want to lose more weight, set small goals for yourself, so it doesn't get overwhelming... YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!! Just BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!!!

Lydia, you could lose probably more that 150 lbs today by getting rid of your boyfriend . I know that sounds harsh, but i can't imagine that it's very helpful for you to hear those negative messages at a point where you're going thru a rough patch in your journey. I'm not yet on the other side of this surgery....so i know i can't stand exactly where you do and understand. But i can say this. Please love yourself...please remember the success you have had...start a food journal if that helps, go to support groups, structure and plan your diet ahead of time, so that you aren't making last minute decisions about what you are going to have. Decide tomorrows meals today. Have veggies ready in the fridge for when that munchy feeling gets hold... This is only a bump. You are not past helping yourself. You have power! Tell your boyfriend that he is kicking you when you are down. Tell him that his behavior is affecting your self esteem. If he continues DESPITE what you say to him...then think about dropping his extra poundage. Bevi