Need to vent... HOW DO YOU DEAL!?!?!

HI guys... this is long... but I NEED TO VENT Here's my dillemma... How do you deal with living with a bottomless pit?! Mark, love him DEARLY, but a few months ago his work hours changed, so now he's home for dinner every night -- and HE WANTS TO COOK. Well... I've tried to tell him, "I don't want to have ground beef hamburgers 5 nights in a row", "No, I don't want to eat potato chips with every meal", "I just want a little tablespoon of tunafish on top of a small salad..." The other thing that really bothers me... is that even though I did NOT have any GB surgery, I still follow the rules as if I did. It worked for me, and thank god for this website to help support that whole ideaology...... but.... occasionally, he'll sneak a snide remark VERY rudely saying, "Is that ALL you're eating?!?!?! What, do you think you had 'that' surgery or something????" And that hurts, ALOT. Because on some level, YEAH, I did trick my own mind into thinking I had the surgery so that I wouldn't overeat. And here he is critesizing me for it. UGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH. Part of the problem is that he views eating as "bonding time"... which, to him, that means we split a pizza, or he makes burgers and I have to eat them to. Which is VERY difficult for me, because I'm SO used to eating lunch and dinner without him.... so I COULD eat my own little self-made miniature dishes. Now... he gets all freaked out on me when I refuse the big juicey cheeseburger he's grilling. Saying, "What do you mean you don't want it. It's good for you! What, you don't like my cooking?" And such things as that. He could eat three meals for dinner alone, and not gain a pound. Me on the other hand, I could jus****CH him eat a bag of potato chips and go up a pants size. My question is... what do you guys do to still "save the sanctity of dinner-time" while still eating for yourself???? I am definately having some real food issues right now... my relationship with it has NEVER been good, and it seems like I'm losing the will-power lately... I'm giving into those "ooooh just have one bite, it wont kill you" --- BUT IT WILL!!! That's how I got so overweight to begin with!!!!!!!! I am SOOOOO scared of gaining back everything I've lost so far. And I just *KNOW* that if he keeps up these horrible habits at dinner time, then I WILL gain my weight back. I am sooo scared... how do you guys do it!?!?!?! Little tricks all add up.... so if anyone has ANY small little tricks they use to help them with this issue, I would appreciate it SOOOO MUCH!! Thanks so much for letting me vent!!!!!!!!!!! --CJ 250/152/140 (Non-op)

Well, you could have a smaller hamburger, no bun, you could have a grilled piece of fish or shrimp skewer, and let him cook that along side his mammoth burger - have healthy snack available to counter his ships with- eat cucmbe slices while he has chips. Take him to a counselor with you- one that deals in eating disorders and can help explain your need to seperate food from your relationship with him. You mention you have food issues as well. He needs to understand that, and support how you have adapted. Remind him you are doing it for BOTH of you - so you can be healthy and active and live longer. Find other times to bond...do other things together. Hiking, boating, bowling, something active. If you watch TV or movies together make yourself a nice low cal snack and let him have his bag of chips. Heck you can have chips too- soy chips, baked potato chips, rice cakes, low fat popcorn... Dinner at our house is a stress point in the day. 4 little kids, two of whom belong to the "Future Anorexics of America" club...it's just not fun for me. The stress literally gets me sick somethimes. SO I generally eat before they do, so I am full and have no need to pick at anything they eat. Otherwise I'd be one bit for Emma one bite for mama....can't have that!

CJ, Like Momo said, you have to sit down with your husband and explain to him that all of these years you've been eating on your own and have settled into your own routine. If he wasn't aware of your "new" eating plan, you need to fill him in. Tell him that you've worked very hard (i'm sure he's noticed) and WILL NOT revert back to old eating habits just to fulfill his whim of wanting you to eat like him. That's how you got obese to begin with. Take him to a counselor and let them explain to him how he's sabotaging you. It's hard enough to stay on track yourself without someone else getting in the way. I don't really have that problem at home. My husband was very supportive and happy with my eating properly after surgery, then, he had it himself, so, we're both eating the same now. We have two small kids that really don't like to eat much, so, it's carb city for them and I don't care to eat what they do. I've lost my desire to cook. I don't look at making meals like I used to. I'd rather just eat something small for my meals and not worry about planning and having gourmet meals. Hubby is different. He wants to be able to count on my preparing ahead and have his meal before him (like most men) even though he's had the surgery. We had an issue yesterday because I didn't plan anything for dinner (a pack of tuna or salad would have been fine with me) cause the kids were home from school and they had soccer practice late in the afternoon. We picked up fast food for the kids and hubby got teed off because there was nothing planned for him. Yeah, I know, why couldn't HE plan something? Well, it doesn't work that way in this household... So, he ended up doing his own thing and I did my own. No biggie. We both survived and had a full belly with what we had. Momo offered some good food options to substitute when he's eating poorly. If he doesn't like it, tough. Ask him how he thinks you lost a hunderd pounds? By eating chips? Where's he been? Good luck. Communication is the key here and you need to open up to him and explain. Paula