I think I made a mistake.....

Ok, so I thought I was doing ok. I am so frustrated I wish I never had this surgery. I went to a picnic with my DH's family yesterday and everyone ignored me. Apparently they are all jealous of the fact that I "cheated" and had surgery to loose weight. Doesn't anyone realize this isn't cheating?? This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I left there feeling wicked depressed and wished that I could just go somewhere and crawl into a hole and stay there. So never the less, I haven't been hungry so I haven't been eating, I haven't been thirsty so I haven't been overly eager about drinking. This morning, I am in the deepest sleep I have been in since the surgery and guess what woke me up, yep Charley Horse in the calf. Get that thing all under control, fall back to sleep and then about an hour later, I get one in the other calf. I feel like a schmuck. I can't get a handle on all of the things that I need to to make sure that I am doing the stages right. Everything seems to make me sick, my head is playing major games on me. I want a piece of meat like its nobody's business. I took the month of July off so that I could get all this under control and guess what? My entire staff quit. I lost 5 people in a month. So now I get to go back to a chocolate shop (none of which I can eat even though I am stressed out) and work 12 hour days until I get some help. I started taking my prozac again and my bipolar meds, they weren't sitting well in the stupid pouch either. Lets hope I can keep those down now. I gotta get out of this funk. Please tell me that this is going to get easier and that I didn't make a mistake!!!!

Jennifer, 1st of all sending a big HUG your way. Sounds like you have a lot to deal with besides recovering from GB surgery. I know for me, the end of that last stage before regular foods was the pits. I think you are craving protein because you are not getting enough. Maybe you could talk to the dietician and get some ideas on how to eat more variety and make it interesting for you until you get to solids. About the relatives... it sounds like complete ignorance to believe that you 'cheated' to lose weight. Unless it is worth it to you to try to enlighten them, I would just steer clear of them until you adjust to your new way of eating and living. The last thing you need right now is unsupportive people around making you doubt your decision. You made this decision for yourself to improve your health and it was something you researched and felt was necessary. You do not owe anyone any explanations for that! i am sorry that things at work are so difficult at such a delicate time for you. Is there any family or friends that can help out while you are still recovering? It might be a good idea to see your doctor and figure out how to take your meds and talk about the problems you are having. The support is there, reach out for it and get the help you need to get on track. Please try to get your fluids and protein in, this is such a fragile time in the process and believe it or not, your body and mind will feel better when you get the proper nutrition. Be good to yourself, you deserve it! This does get better Jennifer, it really does... hang in there. Big HUGS!! Terri

Hi Jennifer, Your charile horses are from dehydration. Make sure you drink A LOT today. Do you have a Shaw's or Stop & Shop near you? In the health food section, they sell "Smar****er". It's plain old water, but with electrolytes in it (like Gatorade has). You need to get a few of the biggest bottles and really work on drinking them in the next two days. You don't want to end up in the hosptial in need of an IV. Especially this time of year when it's hot and humid, we need even more liquids than normal. Are you in puree stage? If so, why not puree some chicken with some mayo or ranch dressing. Maybe it'll help your protein craving. You are probably craving the meat because you're not getting in at lest 65 gms of protein a day and this is necessary for proper healing and body function. You're also feeling down because you went off of your psych meds and that's not a good thing for a normal patient to do. After WLS, we (especially women) go through SO many different emotional battles. It has to do with the hormones changing. Please go back on your meds and if you can't take them, at least phone your psych doc to see how they can be altered to give you what your brain needs. As far as in laws go....I say, to heck with them. When they can prove to you by showing you that they've researched this surgery and that you took the easy way out, then I'd say, talk to me about it. Are they all obese people? If so, they probably are all jealous that you'll be losing very quickly. But, it's none of their business how you went about changing your lifestyle to get healthy. If they can't accept you and your surgery, stay away from them until they do. Jealousy rears its ugly head when someone tries to better themselves. But most of all...take care of YOU. Is your husband supportive of you? If so, that's fantastic. If not, find some info on the internet for him to read about this surgery and what happens in the months after so that he can get an idea of what is going on and he'll better understand. Please try to eat today. I know some people that this happened to and they ended up in the hospital with a feeding tube placed into their bellies (surgically) so that they could feed via a syringe with protein and nutrients. You had this surgery to better yourself. Don't sabotage yourself right in the beginning. Do you have a counselor that you met with prior to surgery? Call to see if you can meet with him/her and discuss what's going on. Have you been back to Dr Floch, yet? If not, call on Monday to get in asap. You may need some bloodwork done to see what your levels are. Take your vitamins too. All of this is VERY overwhelming in the beginning. You'll get used to it once you learn what to do and how to eat. You're SO early out. Take it one step at a time. Post here to keep us updated. Support from others is the best thing in the world. Hang in there and take care of yourself. paula

Dear Sweet Jennifer, I'm in tears for you. Please listen to all the great advice that Terri and Paula gave you. You will get thru this- remember, when things get overwhelming---Baby Steps. I was thinking about how people think this is the easy way out. To me it's sort of like if I lost a leg and decided that I needed a prosthetic leg to help me walk and lead a "normal" life. The prostetic leg is just a tool not a cure. My life would still be full of problems and obstacles to overcome. I would not magically be whole again, just able to use this tool to get around to deal with the everyday struggles of life. No one in their right mind would say that I took the "easy way out" because I needed a prostetic leg or arm or eye, right? Why can't other people understand this I wonder??????? What helps me deal with other peoples actions is I consider the source. I also know that most people are just ignorant to the facts. It's like expecting a four year old to recite Shakespear- not many can do it. I live too far away to help you with the chocolate shop. I hope you will be ok. Tackle one thing at a time, starting with your health. Then prioritize the rest. Soon you will put these bumps in the road behind you and you will be jumping for all the joys that weight loss will bring you! Love, Esther

Jennifer - I'm so sorry that everything i****ting you at once! It is really important that you keep your lithium level straight if you are bipolar because as you most likely know - if you get into a depressed or manic state you will have a harder time keeping your priorities - like taking care of yourself (my mother is bipolar). If you can't keep the meds down you need to talk to the doctor about a plan b - can you crush the pills and mix them in a liquid or perhaps they come in a liquid form. As far as the family - you know I always say you only get to pick one relative the rest are just dealt to you - either you get lucky or you don't! And this is the killer question for me - lets say just for one minute that weight loss surgery was the easy way out - so freekin' what? If it were I would think anyone with a weight problem who didn't have the surgery was a bleepin' idiot - unfortunately we all KNOW that weight loss surgery is NOT easy by any stretch of the imagination - as a matter of fact I think we are a pretty brave bunch to go under the knife to finally fix our problem once and for all! It's not important to win approval of others for taking control of your life and doing something about it. You are not a schmuck - as a matter of fact it is totally normal to be overwhelmed and I can't even imagine how much harder it is when you are not running 100% mentally - depression makes ordinary things harder - you've done something extraordinary for yourself - you are a brave woman - be proud that you took control and decided to fix the obesity curse! Listen to the great advise that Terri and Paula gave you - and keep posting here for support (that's what we're here for). Take one day at a time - it does get better - each day will be just a little bit easier then the next but you need to do what ever you can to keep your strength. Warm Regards, Tammy

A few things to keep in mind-- first, you have a very compassionate (as well as skilled) doctor who has a very good after-care program. Try to get your monthly post-op meetings. Secondly, at Norwalk Hospital we have peer-to-peer meetings which are free and open to the public. You might find a post-op at these meetings who can help guide you through this very tough mix of emotion you are enduring (these meetings are held on the first Wednesday of evey month at 6 p.m in the first floor Volunteer Conf. Room and on the third Monday of every month at 6 p.m. in the fourth floor Pediatric Conf. Room). When many of us have felt that we hit a wall, it helped to have longer term peers who helped us to gain some perspective. I know that my mentor really did save my mental health on more than occasion and helped me to find the inner strength to continue this amazing journe.