The Beach
Boy did I have a yucky time at the beach today. Feeling pretty blue : - (. I looked around the beach and realized that I was one of those people that looks like poop in a bathing suit. I also realized how cruel I had been to those people when I was that person as well. Geez, what the hell was wrong with me? I feel like that song "Live like you were dyin'". "I became a friend a friend would like to have." What a rotten person I was. Probably soooo bitter from what I had become. I guess the sarcasm and joking I did wasn't really who I was, but a great big facade of who I had become. Boy, the psych sure doesn't prepare you for this!! Good thing I can start counseling again next week. : - p
Jennifer -
I don't think I look so great in a bathing suit either, horrible in fact. My solution is to get into the water as soon as I get to the beach. This is a good idea for 7 reasons:
1. Water covers you up all the way to your neck;
2. My butt is too big to be comfortable in those dinky beach chairs;
3. All the beach snacks will be gone by the time I get out;
4. Fat people float better;
5. Swimming uses up more calories than sitting;
6. It's wonderful to feel weightless; swimming gives us a much-needed break from the effects of gravity.
7. You won't have time to listen to depressing music.
Go swimming!!!
Arline
Go swimming!!!
Arline 
Hi , I Agree with Arline! What matters is that you enjoy yourself at the beach. Even when I was at 400 + pounds I still went to the beach with my son. I wasn't there to model plus size bathing suits. I always felt if God wanted someone to Judge others appreances he would have picked someone better than me. I went to enjoy the sun and the water. If the way I looked bothered someone they could just turn away. I have always known I was a good person and that is what really matters. Now especially that someone's looks really has very little to do with how beautiful or ugly they are. Who we are is what's important, so do your best to be a good person and walk proudly wherever you want to. If someone else has a problem, Too Bad! Those that know you will love you just the same and those that don't can go fly a kite! Be Well, 
Jennifer,
At my heaviest weight I still went to the beach. Like Julio said, I just wanted some sun and fun and too bad if anyone didn't like the way I looked. The only problem was that I HATED the way I looked and felt extremely self concious and could feel the stares. But even though, I just went and managed to have as good as time as possible.
Well, here I am now wearing size 14 bathing suit --- a far cry from the 28/30 I was wearing 2 years ago and just spent 2 days at the beach. It was a MUCH better experience and I really enjoyed myself. But I have to say, that with all the extra skin and fat pockets left on my arms, stomach and thighs from the weight loss, I still don't look super fantastic in my bathing suit and it think that those judgemental people on the beach probably see my jiggly thighs and arms and still make their judgements --- but ya know what? WHO CARES! I feel great about myself now and find that I accept myself as I am. I know I am not perfect... I never will be, but I know where I have been and where I am now and I LIKE who I see in the mirror. So I walk proud in my cotton candy pink skirtini, damn it, I worked hard for it!!!!
There are a lot of psych issues that we all have to work on through our journeys. How we perceive ourselves really has to do with our self acceptance no matter what size we are. I remember being at this same weight years ago when I was on the weight gain trail and thinking I looked huge.... I wore dowdy clothes to cover myself up and hated looking in the mirror. So different than the way I am now. Scale read the same but my mind saw a totally different person.
You have just begun so be kind to yourself and enjoy your journey Jennifer.. it is healing in many more ways than just weight loss. I have a feeling that this time next summer your experience at the beach will be very different.
terri
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