Hi All, I know this...

Hi All, I know this is personal information, but I needed to share it with someone. I just found out my husband is having an affair with a 20 year old. He went on a website just for affairs and met her there. I have never experienced such pain in my life, and I have been through quite a bit. What do I do now? How can I move forth. He says he wants to work it out and he loves me, but how can that be when he is still seeing her. She is just a kid! How can he throw away our whole marriage for this child. Not only that but she is suicidal, married in an open marriage and has a kid. She was raped by her brothers and father and is addicted to tranquilizers. How can he possibly see a future with this person? Why does he keep going back to her when he says he wants to work on us? This is killing me. I haven't eaten in 7 days, barely slept and just sit and stare off into space. I have come home to CT to be with my family while we are taking a break. I just know he is with her while i am here, probably in my house in my bed! Any advice??? Mousie

Hi Mouse, You need to talk to someone, be it a consulor , minister, anyone that can help you deal with this giant weight that has been put on you. Who knows why people make the choices that they do but the important thing is to get some help for yourself so you can get thru this terrible time in your life. Good Luck!, Julio

Hi Mousie... I'm so sorry you're going through this pain. I hope your family is being supportive and you're able to get some comfort from them. I've been through the same thing and it's devastating. But remember...once a cheater...always a cheater. He says he loves you and wants to work it out but why hasn't he ended it with this girl? Please get some professional help and get all those emotions out. It really helps to keep you sane. My prayers are with you. Kim K.

Hi Mousie, I am sorry to hear what your hubby did to you but I am glad you decided to go home here to find yourself peaceful and a place where you can heal yourself. Please call counselor for help when you are here in Ct. Let us know if you need name of counselor here then we will be glad to give you names of people who live near your parents 's house. Take care of yourself . Hope to hear from you again on Ct message board! I agreed what Kimk K said about cheater Hugs Kathy K

Dear mousie, please go on with your life,I have been thru it too,,focus on you now,,call danbury,,but you must not stay in depression,,not healthy,,,cyndee

Well let me play Dr Phil for a minute. First Mouse- how long have you been married and are there any children? How old are you? This chick sounds like she probably is a major psych case and has played the sympathy card on hubby- however his actions are VERY deliberate and I would say you are going to have major trust issues with him for a very long time if you decide to stay and work it out. He went looking for this - either becasue he is unhappy in his marriage or he is unhappy with your decision to have WLS or something (is this chick a big girl ? Does he like big girls and not want you to have WLS?) or maybe he's just a jerk- can't say don't know the guy. I do know this- you deserve better- you are a beautiful woman- (don't worry I am straight but I can still see a beautiful woman when I see one) you are absolutely gorgeous and maybe he's afraid he's not going to be good enough for you after WLS- I know a lot of men have those issues too after their mate has WLS. Where are you staying in Connecticut? Find some support here. Where in your journey for WLS are you? Don't lose your way and abandon your plans over this.

Hi Mousie - I feel so bad for you in this situation. I have been there and done that. I was married for 35 years to what I thought was a wonderful man. He wasn't perfect but he appeared to be. He, too, strayed. Over the years, he had several small affairs. I trusted him with all my heart. However, there were a few other instances that made me suspicious of his activities - somethings other than affairs. I must have been in denial. But I had taken solemn vows and I loved him unconditionally. We are taught that from childhood. One day, he dropped the bomb. I was devastated. My whole world came apart. After 5 years on psych drugs and therapy, I am finally coming out of my tunnel. I ended up losing my marriage, my job, my home, my self-confidence and self esteem. I have also lost the wonderful relationships I had with most of my adult children. The worse thing was that my beloved bestfriend brother died in his effort to help me. On a Saturday, he told me my ex was moving to Benton Harbor to marry his high school sweetheart. My brother lived in Daytona. He told me he was coming to CT to help me. He would be here first thing Monday morning. On Sunday night, my kids were all in my bedroom. My brother had had a heart attack and died. I am not telling this to you to bring attention to myself. My purpose is to give you some information to keep in mind. Trust is going to be THE main issue. In retrospect, my problem started during my honeymoon. Don't be in denial. You cannot go this alone. Do not stay with him because of the children. Do not wait 35 years, enduring all of the pain for it to have been a futile attempt to "do the right thing". Take care of yourself. Hug the kids. Get professional help. Don't set your expectations so high that they are unachievable. This is not about you. He has a problem, not you. He wants his cake and to eat it too. Stay strong. Finally, do not lose your mind. It is hell and no one will truely understand if they have never been there. Love and Hugs, Linda

Hi Mouse, All I can say is Been There, Done That! And it is true. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I was married for 32 years. My EX use to tell me, it is nothing, she is my friends daughter. He promised to not see her and not go over her house. That he loved me and why would he want to start over with someone so young. Well he never stopped seeing her even after he swore he wasn't. So I told him to pack his things and go to her. He said, what no tears. I told him, there are no tears left. He is married to her now!! And he miserable. Good for him. I on the other hand, met a fantastic guy and am happily married for 6 years now. He married me when I was heavy and he loves me for me. I guess my point is, you are worth better. You need to take care of you, because no one else will. You will make the best decisions for you and it is not worth living his lies. If he was so happy and loved you so much, he wouldn't of strayed. Don't let him play on your emotions to get back on the good side of you. It won't work. Like I said , Been there, Done that! Don't let him make you sick over it. Theres more to life. Live it!! Whatever your decision, make it the best for you. We are beautiful people and don't let anyone tell you any different. If he can't see the good in you, then he is the loser. Good Luck, Hugs, Sarah

You have to decide exactly what it is you need, what you can and cannot live with, and the atmosphere you want to live with in your home. You have to remember you cannot change people no matter how much you would like to or need them to be different. Once you sort out those things, it will make it easier to sort out things to make the decisions you need to make. It won't make them any less painful, but maybe more obvious. But no one can make the decisions for you......... not a minister, not your family, no one. You are the only one who can see into your heart and mind. This may or may not help....... but know that there are people here who know what you are going through and will pray for you.

Mouse, Hold onto yourself. At the moment, you need yourself! Don't think about your husband or the person he is having the affair with. It's not about them, it's about YOU. Go on with your life, and I am sure, he will catch up with you when his "thing" is over. If, for some remote reason, he doesn't, then it was good that you never stopped loving yourself. Go have a massage and indulge yourself in you.