Lonely and need support

Hi! I am in the pre-op process. I find a lot of information on this site and plenty of people to answer questions I've had. However, my situation is that I have a large family and only 2 people that support me. I have had a difficult last 5 years and feel that I am finally ready to take the next step towards my recovery. However, during those 5 years I have been alienated from most of my kids (I have 5 adults, their spouses, and 9 grandchildren). I live with one son who has been my angel. His 9 year old son spends every other week with us so that also keeps my mind busy. The other person who has always been there for me is my best friend Liz. We've been best friends since kindergarten 53 years ago. So that's it. I have my son and Liz. I don't know how I'm going to go or get back from the hospital but I'm sure God will show me the way. I'm not overly religious but in my lifetime I have experienced several "mysteries" so I am spiritual. I used to have an abundant amount of friends between work and Boy Scouts. I have not worked in 5 years and have avoided most contact with most of my scouting friends. I avoid crowds of people and grocery stores. So, I guess what I'm saying is that I need some support. One more thing, I still can't concentrate for long and seem to not have the skills of follow through (among others). Any one out there have any extra time and high tolerance for a recovering spazz?

Hi Liz, I'm sorry that you're in such a state psychologically, and physically. I think it's a double edged sword of sorts. We become depressed, over eat, get obese, get more depressed, over eat some more, the psychological aspect gets deeper and deeper and we cannot dig ourselves out of the pit we've dug for ourselves. Having WLS doesn't take that psychological part of it away. It's only a tool for us to use physically to help us lose weight. If anything, the WLS packs on some extra (at least for me) "head issues" along with losing lots of weight. Have you thought about getting some psychological help (counseling, support groups, medications, etc) to help you out? You seem to need help with your social phobias, the root causes of losing your family members and friends, etc. Maybe speaking to someone apart from family and friends to help you sort all of this stuff out BEFORE your surgery would do you some good. Holidays bring up the feelings of lonliness in people all the more. I think that we imagine that there are big parties with happy people having a lot more fun than we are, but in truth, I think most people are a depressed bunch! You're not alone! Does your WLS surgeon offer any kind of support network? Maybe you can find a ride to and from the hospital from one of those support people. Losing a lot of weight does wonders for a person's ego, but also beware to watch out for depression and challenges in being able to handle a lot of weight loss in a short period of time. I'm only 8 months out and have lost over 100 pounds. I'm having a hard time actually "seeing" any kind of change physically, and it's doing a job on me mentally. I'm looking into (this Tuesday) getting an appointment to have my medications re-evaluated and to see if I can meet with someone to help me through this obstacle. Remember, it's not how many friends we have in this world, it's the quality of friendships that we hold dear and nurture during our lifetime and have them last. Having Liz and your son may be all you need and need to realize that you are truly blessed to have them in your life. Get outside, it's a BEAUTIFUL day and take a short walk and enjoy the life that you've been given. Thank the power's above for the plants, the sky, the trees and your life and the new life and new you that you will become after this surgery. It's all worth it! Don't wallow in what you don't have and have gratitude for what you do! Hang in there...I know where you're coming from. paula

I do understand the scouting thing... I am an Eagle Scout (CT- West Hartford at the time) and when I started to get big I started to avoid helping them out and did not want to see any people from before the "era when I was thinner". Dave

Hi Linda, First you need to do this for YOU!! You need to tell yourself that this will help you live a longer life to spend with the grandkids. Even if they don't see it that way. I was 55 when I had my surgery 7 months ago. I had my doubts. I didn't ask anyones opinion either. I figured this was for me and I was the one who counted. I went to all the support meetings and gathered all the information I could. When I heard something negative, I would say " Its easy for you to make that comment when you are not in my shoes or don't have my problems." Now I see those same people ( 106 pounds lighter ) and they say " Wow, I guess you were right! " Your kids will come around in the end. You have one by your side. You are lucky. And you have your friend Liz. Who needs anyone else. This is about YOU! God will take care of you and when you see all those negative people and you are looking good, just SMILE!! You will know you made the right decision. Good Luck and go for it!!! Hugs, Sarah

Hi Linda-Im new here on the site and actually I posted in need of support a few days ago. I felt very lonely when two people reached out to me and the fact they cared gave me a smile that I still have-days later. You will find support here, we feel you. I lost touch with the the "world" while gaining a few pounds one week, and that broke my spirit. I was so disquested with myself I withdrew and let slip any connection with life around me. It was not over night, but threw the course of a year I had become an island. I am post-op 14 months and lost 90 lbs. I want to participate and feel connected again. The fact your family does not want you to have the wls is unfortunate, however you have Liz and your son, and us here at OH. I would like to learn more about you Linda. I welcome you to email me. The fact that you have experianced "mysteries" is intreging. Jesse

Well, I don't see that my other kids are going to come around to seeing things any better too soon. They still haven't accepted my depression that their father created. And they never want me to discuss my health or their father. However, I have come beyond that and, at this point, what they think is not going to influence what I do with my life! For my birthday in March, I told them I didn't want them to buy me anything. So they didn't. For Mother's Day I sent them each an ecard telling them the same thing. It was a nice "I love you" card so they wouldn't know how to respond. I think they got it because I soon got calls asking me to go out to dinner. Usually, in the past 5 or so years, I have taken care of their children for the summer. It is just "assumed" that gramma will be available and it's no problem for this to be the standard. I haven't been asked yet but that's not unusual. Anyway, when I went out to dinner with Joe's family, my 8 yr old sweetie says to me "gramma do you know whose gonna be with us this summer?" I asked who. She said Lissie. Lissie is 5 and has been going to daycare/nursery school for a couple of years. I said 'she is!" Kristina then said that maybe mommy had signed her up for something. My DIL said she had but Lissie would only be there for 1/2 day. DID SHE SAY ANYTHING/ASK ME IF I WOULD TAKE CARE OF THEM? There's also a 12 yr old boy, Rusty. All of the kids are well behaved and polite and are being brought up in a very loving environment. Before I tell you the outcome, let me just tell you a little aside. Last year when school started and I was leaving, my son gave me a hug and said thanks mom maybe we'll take you out for dinner. DIL never said a word. Of course that never happened. And here's where the real whine comes in. Their father and his #2 came in August so they all went out to Hooters to celebrate Joe's birthday! Ok, not to keep you in suspense, I'M HOPING TO HAVE MY SURGERY THIS SUMMER HOPEFULLY EARY JULY. If they think that my babysitting is a given, oh well. This is my choice and though I love my g-kids, I'm putting my needs before their parent's. Whaddya think of that!