Very sad

Hey, ya'll... I'm in such a depression. My husband still doesn't support the surgery...and is threatening to throw me out of the house and have my insurance cut out so I can't have the surgery. I know I can't stay with his parents or family...and I don't have any where to go. I can't ask our friends and pull them into the middle of this. Please pray for me. I just don't know what to do. Mary

And here I was hoping that the old turkey had a change of heart. Want I should rough him up for you? Just kidding! Keep in touch, let us know how it goes. And call me, we can go for coffee! All my thoughts are with you. Linda from Kaiser.

Mary, maybe you could take him with you to a meeting with the Doc. Maybe if he understands it a little better he will be more supportive.. Just a thought Korianne

Hi Mary; My husband was dead set against the surgery too for many years. I went to one of Dr. Snyder's lectures alone with my daughter, because he didnt want me to consider this as a possibility. I have since expressed to him how important this is to my health and well being as a person. Since doing so he has come around to the idea of a lap band, but I still want the GBP. In the last few weeks he has attended a lecture by Dr. Snyder and is much more understanding of where I am coming from. I know he is worried about complications, or death.....as am I, but I feel like I really need to do this or death is inevidible anyway...I hope to have surgery in October 2004. Good Luck w/your hubby! I will pray he comes around!

Mary, He cannot cut off your insurance. Kaiser insurance is paid in advance and he could not possibly cut you off before your surgery. He is being a real %$^*. Nor can he throw you out of the house. If he tries anything like that call the police. He is a control freak and needs to be taken down a notch or two. I know I was married to one about like him. I am behind you 100% and if I were you I would just go have the surgery you need and to heck with what he wants. WE ARE ALL PULLING FOR YOU AND YOU ARE IN OUR HEARTS AND PRAYERS.

Mary, You need to ask yourself what kind of person you are married to. This surgery is life saving. Why would he not want you happy and healthy. It sounds as though he has some serious control issues and I doubt that they are limited to this surgery. Take some time, decided what you want in your life and hopefully you will get some clarity.

Hi Mary, I agree with previous posts here - if your husband will go to your surgeon's lecture and to support group meetings with you it would be very helpful in getting him to open his mind to the surgery. If he refuses then it sounds like you have other issues going on in your marriage that you have to deal with. I will be praying for you - God bless! Pam

I too agree that maybe he may come around if you can get him to a support meeting. In addition to that, he may be afraid of a couple of things. 1) he could be afraid of loosing you (2) he could be afraid that once you get skinny & sexy, he'll loose you. (3) he may be afraid that you will change and that he can't "handle" you which may mean loosing you. boy, sorry for the repetition but those are some thoughts.

Oh Mary... You are such a doll. All of this crud your husband is doing is so sad. You deserve better treatment and he should know it more than anybody. If he doesn't, he's nuts. My dad was a little resistant about this surgery. He kept saying, you're losing weight without the surgery, why don't you just keep it up and save yourself the risk of dying on the table and having a life of not enjoying food ever again. I showed him the 'before and after photos' on this site and he never ever said another word against it. I asked him why he had a change of heart and he said, "After seeing what is possible for you, you'd have to be nuts not to take that option." By the way, my wife says that your husband's anger toward you is really fear and that he needs to find an adequate and positive way to express it. Maybe you could work together to find a way to combat his fear. Recognizing what the fear is is half the battle. Maybe his fear is not of you dying but rather of you living a healthy life in which you decide you deserve better than him. As people change, the people around them either accept them and change with them or they leave. The good news is that if the change is for the better, you will both end up healthier and happier no matter what he chooses to do. I bet that this is getting really uncomfortable for the kiddos, eh? How are they interpretting this lack of support? Anyway, just know that a whole family up in Johnstown just loves you and knows that the best things in the world are available to you and you deserve them!!! Let us know how things turn out, okay? Paul

Hi Mary-- Hadn't heard from you in a while. The offer still stands if you would like to get together, our husbands especially to see if they could talk this out a little. Maybe he is trying so hard to look out for you he can't see the forest for the trees. Maybe if a few of us were to get together with our husbands he could see the positive life change for both, not just the one having the surgery. After my husband and I went to Dr. Snyder's lecture, he had a new appreciation for they way we should be looking after our own health. The children and everyone else came first, which is not to say they are no longer important, only that we are as important as they are. We need to consider what kind of legacy we want to leave our children, how will they care for us as we age, will they be able to care for us physically themselves if they have to (due to my size), will I fit in a wheelchair if I need to? One of my regular physicians has had the surgery, and suffers from multiple sclerosis and has done well, but raised lots of issues my husband and I had never really thought about. I think when you look at it from that perspective it really makes you think. Let me know. Good Luck