I'm a WRECK!!!

OK... I am not acting or feeling at all like myself. I'm impatient, I'm sad, I'm stressed. I feel like this surgery can't come fast enough. I feel like Susie didn't get my insurance paperwork started fast enough. I want to get back to work, but I am waiting to get a new job because I know no one will give me 2-3 weeks off for surgery when I have only just started working there. My hubby was diagnosed with brain stem damage from taking a drug the Army gave him. He will be leaving for treatment Washington DC on the 20th as part of his treatment. He will be there for 3 weeks, then off to San Diego probably once a month. I want to go back to shcool to be a vet tech. Where's the money going to come from? The school is in Denver, I am in Fountain. I just want to get on with my life, but I feel like I'm in a holding pattern that wont end. And I am totally oversensitive to everything. The CO group on the spotlight website are having a get together and I emailed the host for directions and never got a reply. I posted to the board for directions and never got a reply. I even feel like you guys don't like me. I don't know why I'm writing except that I feel alone with all this anxiety and I certainly can't share with my hubby since he has more than he can deal with right now too. Michelle

You are not alone in feeling this way. I waited my three weeks for approval and those three weeks were horrible. I couldn't think about anything else . I was *****Y *****Y. My poor family. You always have someone to talk to here in Us. Thats what we are here for. start gettin ready for surgery by losing some of your pre op weight.. start getting all the things you will need . all the supplements and everything. Good luck with your husband. I have a friend that went through a similar ordeal from complications from something he was exposed to in desert storm. email me or add me to your yahoo messenger buddy list.. [email protected]. You are in my thoughts, Korianne P.S. keep your spirits up. good things will come

Michelle, I'm sorry you are feeling so alone and out of control. Believe me I know what that feels like and it SUCKS! We do love you here, although I do understand that when these periods of emotional termoil arrive it is hard to see how much people do care about you. What drug did the military make him take that gave him damage to his brain stem? While in the Navy they made my husband take quite a few drugs especially when he went over seas. One drug we fought them on but they forced him to take it anyway. Just curiouse. By the way I worked as a vet tech here in Denver for almost 2years. I also contemplated going to the tech school here and even was offerd admission to the school, I decided however not to go to that school. E-mail me and I will e-mail you my phone number and we can talk. Hope your day gets better, Leslie [email protected]

Thanks for your replies and your support. I really need them right now. I try to nap during the day so I wont be thinking about stuff and hopfully it makes the days go faster. The drug my hubby took is Larium/Methloquin (sp?). Many soldiers already knew this drug was bad news and they just took their doses and then threw them away never ingesting them. But we didn't know. Leslie, I'm very interested in why you chose not to go to vet tech school, I'll email you my phone number. Michelle

Michelle Honey, I gave you my home number, we live 8 blocks from each other. My hubby is a paramedic on fort Carson, we are both going to Dr. Chae, for gods sake girl, call me......... We can cry together, so much poitentially in common.

OK I am definitely feeling more empowered now. I should have said something earlier instead of letting it build up. Letting it build is always a mistake, and usually paves the road for a pitty party. THANK YOU EVERYONE... guess all I needed was a cyberhug -- plus I asked Susan if she sent my insurance paperwork in today and she says she did. Shouldn't be long now and I really do need to work on losing some weight before surgery, especially since I've put some on with all this stress. Protein shakes here I come! Michelle