11 more days!!!
Well it is almost time. 11 more days till surgery!!! Not sure what I am feeling right now because it is going sooo many different ways but it is very hard to sleep at night because of over thinking everything. I have a couple friends that will visit me in the hospital so I will at least not be alone. Now I just have to get through that morning before they put me out. That anxiety is about killing me right now. That morning it is gunna be impossible. I saw my pulmonologist yesterday for a routine thing. I asked him if he could attend the surgery. He said he does not have privileges at that hospital in Denver. I asked if he could attend as a friend and be in the or if anything for just my peace of mind since he knows my lungs so well. He said he will call the surgeon and talk to him. Have no idea what is going to happen but my pulmonologist knows how scared I am of the anesthesia. He was the one they called in when that old anesthesiologist almost killed me. He has cared for my lungs ever since. I completely trust him and if he is able to be in the or room I would feel soooo much more comfortable about everything. I could release those fears to him and my trust of him. He got me through it last time and knows what to do for me. I am not saying there is any problems with anyone at the new hospital. I just know him and have not spoken or met the anesthesiologist that is going to care for me. I do not even know his name. He probably will not even know my name till the morning of surgery. Anyway, I am babbling I will stop. I see my surgeon on the 15th for the 2 hour pre op and the 2 hour hospital pre opp stuff. That is the last thing till the surgery left to do. I will tell my surgeon then how I am feeling again and to have something ready to calm me down when I get to the hospital. As well as ask how the conversation went. I keep thinking in the back of my head "what is going to happen next" to keep me from having the surgery . I have waited soooo long for this and something ALWAYS prevents it in some way or another. Guess the good news is that I have never gotten this close to it before. The "left" foot always falls for me. Just praying this time that it does not. Be well my friends I will update after my pre op, Kathy
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