what to do when hubby does a 180

I took my husband to my PRE Op appointment so he could ask his questions. He is a very loving man and is not thrilled about this surgery but he was supportive and understood why I wanted or rather need to do this. Well after my appointment he wigged out. he is scared to death that if I do this I could die. I tell him if i don't do this I will because this weight is not healthy. so what to do. I am going to have this done but I now have a hubby who would rather I didn't so here is the question, How do you reassure your spouse that every thing is going to be ok. Any help would be great! Thanks Anna

Dear Anna, You are a step closer to me since I am still waiting for my consult. (Mid October). You have a wonderful huband that is scared. WLS is scarey but, the benefits and out come are awesome. I can only suggest that you keep telling him about these benefits. I haven't been to the forum "Spouses Of WLS" but, perhaps they can assist his nervousness and ease his fears. I wish you luck and congradulate you on your up and coming surgery... Sincerely, Kelli

this is a very common situation with spouses and family members. The best thing you can do is attend support group meetings. Have him ask every question he can. With any type of surgery there is risk, but you need to have him look at it this way. Do I make such an issue and you would cancel this out, then die, or have the surgery and live a long and healthy life. One would come sooner and one would be later. There are a lot of supports groups in the Denver area, join them, and even for yourself you can learn a whole lot of information

Hi Anna, I think that I understand what you're going through. My hubby, while supportive of my decision, was terrified of the actual surgery and risks. I had to explain to him that without the surgery...the risks weighed much heavier than me having the surgery. We can never predict what is going to happen, but sometimes we have to take risks in order to live our lives fully. I know that I personally couldn't go on the way that I was before surgery and it was only a matter of time before my body gave up altogether. The surgery represented a hope to me that I never had before and I'm now almost 6 weeks out and I don't have the fears of not seeing my kids grow up now. He's only scared because he loves you so much and that is great thing. A support group may help...and is a good suggestion. Try talking to him more as well and let him see what's in your heart and why you feel it's so necessary to go forward with this. Good luck to you. ~Maria O.

thanks soooo much I have talked to him and he knows that I feel that this is the only tool that will help. I am going to take him to support meetings and he although not happy about my desision he is ok with it. You all are great and I thank you very much. Anna O soon to be a looser too in 13 days!!!!

Anna~ This is a major surgery and it's okay for him to be scared..but I think maybe he needs to look at the big picture of things and that this surgery will actually give you a second chance at making a healthy lifestyle for yourself. It is a tool and you've got to use it in order to get the results that you want. As far as reassuring him that everything is going to be okay~introduce him here to the boards so he can see all of us that this surgery has helped or take him to a support group meeting. I know I would hate to see where I would be today if I didn't have this surgery done! Good luck