Really Nervous 19yr old Son wants Gastric Bypass

I am kinda nervous and I know it sounds hypocritical since I have a gastric bypass 3yrs ago, BUT IT MY ONLY CHILD.  He is so young and I am worried at what will happen when he is 30, 40 or 50yrs out since he will live with this a very long time. 

I am also worried that when he gets out on his own that he may not be as compliant with vitamins and protein as need.  Am I being too over protective?  I want him to try harder and longer to lose weight without surgery but because I had it, he wants it too.

What do y'all think?  I know he is a man, but it's my insurance and I still have a say so.

He is 5'10 311lbs and has boarder line, high blood pressure, boarder line diabetes and borderline high cholesterol, a hurt knee and his back is beginning to hurt. 

Thanks,
Valerie

Maybe try having him eat like a post-op for a while, taking vitamins every day, and see how he can do. See if it's a lifestyle he's willing to live with.

The only thing I'd talk to him about is if he has any plans for college - as much as I wish I had been thin back there, social life with a pouch can be miserable. Not sure I would have been able to do it.

I think you have very valid concerns, but he should be able to make an informed decision at 19. He is heading down the path of a lot of health problems, so if he understands the commitment, let him make that choice.

I have had him start taking vitamins and he has been doing that on his own.  I notice he is trying to make some better choices when he eats (not everyday) but more than before.  He is in college and we talked about drinking and how dangerous that will be after surgery.  I also had the doctor explain that time him.  That is probably one of the scariest things for me.  I don't want him to end up with complications if he starts to drink after 21. 

Valerie,
Would he be interested in something other than gastric bypass?  Maybe the Vertical sleeve or the Lap Band?  I have a daughter who is 23 y/o and she is healthy and only 15 lbs over a normal weight.  She at one time was 60lbs overweight and lost it with weigh****chers and kept it off.  I made her promise a few months ago IF she ever became obese again she would consider the Band or Sleeve.   I am 5-10 and weighed over 450lbs at one time and never want my daughter to get to that weight.
I think what you need to remember is that your son is only 19 years old and has all of the co-morbidities that an older person has.  Hypertension, borderline diabetes and high cholesterol are all very serious conditions.  When you become pre-diabetic, you have a very short time to turn that around before you are a full Type 2 Diabetic.  If he was to lose weight now, he may never become a diabetic and never have to suffer with all of the problems associated with DM.  I think his issues are pretty serious and if he can't lose and keep the weight off without WLS, I think it's something you, he and his doctor need to discuss.  You want him to live a long and healthy life - and I totally understand your concerns with gastric and lifestyle when you're young, so maybe the sleeve would be a better option. 
Just a thought!

Yeah, I tried to convince him to get the lap band but my doctor said that he had too much weight to lose and didn't feel the lap  band was approprate.  My insurance doesn't pay for the sleeve.  You are right, he does have some serious pre-conditions.  I just don't see the motivation for him to want to lose weight on a diet, yet he claims that once he gets the surgery, he will stick to it and work out....  I even got a subscripting to weigh****chers online but even I have a hard time sticking to it.  Thanks for your advise...I will keep trying to think of something.

Val

I hate to hear when doctors say the Lap Band doesn't work for people who have too much weight to lose!  I am proof that is simply not correct!  It's a method of restricting your portions and it works! 

I'm sorry that your doctor thinks the Band won't work.  I think the Band is the best WLS for younger people.

Has he tried Atkins or South Beach?  I know it works because I've done it.  It's also easier to stick to because you can eat out and usually always find something to eat.  The good thing about it is it will be good with his pre-diabetes.  The higher protein will keep him satiated and he will lose weight faster and it will keep him motivated.  Just an idea.

I can really relate this, the last 2 weeks my 19 year old daughter and I have had several conversations about her having surgery.  As a young female we have only considered the sleeve (my hubby had this last year).  I too had the RNY and feel that is too much for her to deal with this young with vitamins and such and down the road having babies.  My daughter is also borderline with her blood pressure and cholesterol is close to 300.  She has back issues because of her large breasts.  I am sure you waited a long time to have your surgery and like me is probably one of your biggest regrets not doing it sooner.  I do not want my daughter to get to the point I was with health issues.  I want her to be able to have a long and happy life.  I feel like she has settled in a few areas because of her weight (boyfriend, dating, etc).  I am considering taking her to Mexico where my hubby had his surgery.  Her BMI is only 37 at this point but I hope she doesn't waste anymore of her youth being unhappy with herself.  Has he been to a support group meeting with you?  Maybe consider taking him to the psychologist and have them put him through the pre-surgery testing.  I have some doubts whether my daughter can handle the responsiblity so this will be my first step.  My RNY surgeon had this requirement and even though I was a self pay I did it anyways and I also made my hubby do this.  Mexico doesn't require this but I think it would be a good starting point.  Please put your fears aside and go back to his feelings and medical issues.  If he waits his risk factors will only increase and a more difficult surgery.  Please keep me posted I would love to hear how you proceed with this.

Thank you Tonilee, ofcourse my son and I have talked about this over and over.  He has done the 6 month diet (really didn't apply himself to that), he has completed the psychological testing, and done blood work.  He went to the doctor already and they have submitted the authorization for surgery (he is determined to get it).  I guess at this point, I will just support his decision and make sure he is compliant to the best of my ability.  I will lead by example.  I am very nervous about it but you are correct, he is headed for serious medical problems and what quality of life could he really have?  So, thanks for your advise and I will keep you posted.

Girl, you should be so proud.  He is really taking this serious and must be very determined.  My daughter isn't to that point yet but she is getting there.  This would be our 4th surgery out of pocket in 3 years, and she is worried about the money. 
I agree with your concerns about drinking.  But if he is responsible now and does the right thing, there is no reason to think that he won't continue.  I know my daughter drinks at party's on occasion but always stays the night somewhere if she does drink or hands over the keys.  She is going to college locally so she knows she can always call me.  She has seen how much of a lightweight I am these days, I don't drink very often but....knows 1 drink and I'm done!!  How exciting his new life is right around the corner!!!

Thank you ToniLee, that is a great way to look at it..."he is really taking this serious".  I just feel he really needs to understand, no partying, gotta take vitimins and eat right.  I know he knows from watching me, BUT, he won't but with me forever, so I am just being protective.  I do want him to have a great future and I have watched him suffer with his weight, be teased etc. through school, so I am happy for him in that respect that he will finally get to be a normal size, wear trendy clothes and do what ever he wants without the weight being a factor.

Thanks for listening...just needed a sounding board.

Val