Where has all my friends gone?

So the last year in my life has been a lil crazy, Having a lot of woman friends is some times hard due to we (women)  all LOVE drama. I removed myself from the group stopped talking to alot of my so called friends. So today i woke up feeling very alone, a few of them have called to check in with me asking "how's it going?", "Did i need anything?", But the one person i did still talk to hasn't even reached out to see if I'm OK. this breaks my heart and i don't know how to feel about it. most of the ladies i used to hang with are overweight  a few are so excited for me having this surgery, so i don't know if a jealous thing or what? Has anyone else had this kinda experience and if so how do you handle it.

I totally know how this feels, Before surgery there was about 5 friends that we were almost impossible to seperate, their hubbys were friends with mine everything we did we all did together, was like that for 4 years, When hubby and I had our surgery they stayed back a little,okay we can understand that, they didnt understand what was going on, then they stopped calling, comming by, and i was all okay whatever, I Know my so called friends are upset with me because I had this surgery and its about me not them. The way i figure it, is at the time i need them most, they arent there for me so what kind of friends are they really?

YOU said it this is absolutely the issue, i just don't get it if your a true friend you would be there  when your needed the most and want the BEST for your friend!

I have yet to experience a friendship loss.  When I was thinking about having surgery, my friends who had a problem with it, I just stop talking to them about it.  This weight loss surgery was for me.  It is something I have to go through alone.  Yes, some can give supportive words, but that is it.  I have to workout, I have to eat less, I have to deal with the stomach changes, and whatever comes alone.  So, since my relationship wasn't base on my surgery.  That is my choice.

If my friend decide to marry a man, I don't like.  I am not going to stop being her friend.  I will just keep our relationship what it was about and not comment on the new husband.    Or if they raise there child different, I am not going to stop being their friend because of that.

If my friend what to go out to eat, I go.  I just went last week on my clear stage.  I order onion soup and sip on the juice only.   Eventually, I will be able to order a salad, but the conversation was more important than anything else.  In the end, it always has been the most important thing, never food for me.  I can eat by myself.

Just call them, let them know nothing has change.  Whatever you use to do together, can still be done.  We are not disable.  Just eating smaller portions and making healthier choices,

I am waiting to have surgery, but I feel I have been on both sides of this issue.  I have three family members and many friends that have had RNY.  I have been very excited for all of them and wishful that it was me.  My family relationships have been great but one friend of more than 30 years has had a sad end.  My friend and I did lots together, shop, vacations, volunteer ,kids stuff.  When she had surgery it all stopped, she didn't need me anymore because she didn't need the fat friend, she and husband moved into a new social circle.  I had been supportive, helpful and complimentary but was shut out.  My thought is if you really want the friendships you need to make it known, be open but don't complain about the changes you are going through.  Sorry but those left behind aren't going to feel sorry about complaints, if they love you things work out just remember everything about you is changing and you and your friends will view you differently.  Good luck

I just wanted to lend you friendship and support.  I didn't so much have this happen after RNY but after I divorced after 25 years of marriage.  You really find out who your true friends are and boy was it telling.  I had my reasons all which were valid and real but there were some friends and sadly enough family that didn't care and chose to take sides.  Phoey that (insert your word of choice there.)

Suggestions though....  get involved.  Make new friends. Are you going to support groups?  You are always welcome to come to our Nor Cal Loser's luncheons.  Better friends who have either had or are waiting to have or are just chosing non-WLS to lose their weight you will never find.  Each one is special and genuine and caring and I feel so proud to have broadened my circle of friends with this group.  I know this would be a drive for you but please know you're always welcome.  I know there are some wonderful support groups in and around Sacramento too.

If those don't work, you can always come back here and we're just a click away.  You have people who truly care for you here too.

Huge hugs,
Barb

Thank you for your kind words! I most likely will not make this luncheon but i will try for the next one! I'm thankful for this site is has given great support even with out know just how much!

Prior to surgery the wonderful gals in my support groups warned me about this very thing,  I thougth to myself, no way, my friends wouldn't do this to me.  Well....  it kinda did happen at first.  One of my good Friends went MIA after my surgery.  I was so upset, we talked almost every day and then I didn't hear a word from her for almost three weeks.  Since our husbands are best friends, I knew what was up.  Unfortunately, my husband divulged to me that they were not happy with my decision to have surgery.  My best friend reminded me that everyone deals with things differently and maybe my friend needed a little time to digest and process how our relationship has changed.  Then she said well have you called her? The phone goes both ways.  After I got over myself I did give her a call and she had a lot of questions, but things are good with us now.    Just pick up the phone and give them a call, be prepared but you might be pleasantly surprised.

Remember your life is drastically changing!   You always have a great group of friends here :). 

Thank you to all it is nice to know I'm not alone in the new struggles I'm dealing with and I'm sure lots more to come! So thank you for being here!

Hi  I haven't been on OH for a couple of weeks but Barb let me know you posted.  I'm in Sacramento and attend a wonderful support group in Sacramento.  We have at least 2 gals who have had their surgeries thru Dr Waldrop..1 gal a little over a year out and the other about 10months I think she is.  We meet every Monday nite at 7pm at the Kaiser Center in Elk Grove.  I know this might be a bit of a drive for you but if you're looking for support and friendship, we've got it all ^_^ 

At our meetings, we discuss EVERYTHING relating to our WLS journies and this topic comes up quite often.  While we can't replace friendships lost, we can offer new friendships, encouragment, advice and just plain fun.  I'd be happy to talk with you more if you would like to PM me.

In the meantime, I agree with the others..pick up the phone and call one or two of the friends you miss the most...nothing ventured, nothing gained ;-)
Hugs
Nancy aka Sunray