Emotional Eating...?!?!?!?!

My question... like many of my posts includes a back story so please bear with me as I attempt to make this as understandable as possible.

   For the last 25 years I have been taught to eat. Food has not only a way to sustain life but a way for life to be sustainable, or enjoyable rather (living to eat vs. eating to live). Food has always been "there for me" when no one else was or when everyone was.  Happy occasions; birthdays, baby showers, births, weddings,  sad occasions; funerals, break ups,  frustrating situations; after an argument, stressful day at work/school... etc.
I'm sure many of you have or have had similar relationships with food. However, as I'm on this road to WLS (I have not yet had surgery) I am trying to "re-train" myself to no longer use food as a comfort...

::Soooo after all that now to my point::

 I'm curious as to how you deal with the desire to comfort yourself with food? 
 Is it something that you still struggle with?

   I want to set myself up with the right tools to make this change permanent. I'd hate to end up a "statistic", "one of the weak ones", "a failure to the program" or whatever other key statements that may be used to describe someone who has gained after surgery.

                        Thanks, 
                           ~Sarah~

I am one of many who do not eat because they are hungry.  I eat just because it's there, it looks good, it smells good, everyone else is eating, etc. 
I had my surgery on Sept 14.  I was on a liquid diet for a week.  I drank broth while my husband, who is an excellent cook, fed himself and my son the same foods we have been eating for years.  I was satisfied.  That is not to say that I didn't look at the food and think "boy, that looks good".  I did.  But I was able to control the desire to eat.  The surgery seems to have given me the strength.  It does take willpower, but it isn't the same and i am not sure I can explain it in a way that makes sense.  In short, regardless of the fact that I just went through major surgery, the 13 pounds I have lost this week has been the easiest 13 pounds I have ever lost. 

I'm still pre-op and that is the most difficult thing for me. I've been watching what I eat for the last couple months, but mainly i've just been trying to avoid eating for all those reasons when I'm not hungry.

What i've learned is that its very important to figure out when you are "emotional eating" and find a new coping method. I for one, still have none, and it's a daily struggle, but i think it's very important to figure out before I get cut open.

You gotta just try and find a replacement for food -something else to comfort you. You can't become a failure unless you stop trying. Even if you get knocked down a million times, you don't lose until you stop trying. Just decide that you don't want to be "another statistic" and you will do fine (not going to be easy though).

You really might want to consider counseling. I know I used whatever was going on in my life as an excuse to eat. The surgery really stopped that for now. I will however not hesitate to get counseling if I need to in the future.

I think it is helpful not to think of not using food to comfort yourself to in terms of using something else to comfort yourself. For example, instead of thinking "I am not going to use food for self comfort." but think "I am going to use a warm bath, reading, relaxation training, or whatever you want for self comfort." Use the desire to eat as a cue to your need for comfort not as a cue as to what you should do about the need.

sorry this is long but doing a bit of personal work in this area myself right now....

First let me say that my surgery was 1 year ago so by no means do I consider myself a solid source. I have the same fears as you one year out.  I think groups like Overeaters Anonymous may have strategies that could help though I'm not sure what their position is on surgical options or if they even hold one.
That being said....I think OH is a great resource.  Find a support group locally too.
For those that have had surgery recently it is true it is easy in the beginning because you do not have a physical appetite.  But know it wont stay that way.  You do need to address the emotional appetite and feed your emotions what they really need..........Emotions never need food.

Sometimes you don't even know what you need emotionally.   Im researching for myself personally how to feed my emotions and I find a lot on the subject of  'controlling your emotions'.  I am trying to avoid getting lost on a bunny trail as I personally consider the premise to be sort of faulty in the notion of 'controlling' emotions.  If I can separate 'emotions' from 'feeling' I might make some headway..... I am learning that emotions for me are the manifestation or my REACTION to my feelings.  Feelings are neither good or bad they just 'are' what they are....a feeling.  Sometimes they are completely spot on and at times totally irrational, perfectly legit and then sparked again by an aroma and coming completely from out of left field.  Emotions and feelings get mixed up but I think they are very different things but very related to each other.

I've caught myself saying I feel really 'emotional' right now.  That is now a very convoluted concept to me.  I'm feeling sad.....or hurt....or alone is more accurate but scarier to admit.  Feeling emotional wont cut it anymore.  I have to figure out what Im feeling and guide my emotions to a positive conclusion.  I'm feeling sad for no apparent reason.......going out and loving on my dog who gives complete unconditional love is theraputic.  So is a raspberry filled glazed donut but not the therapy that will give me the life and body I desire.

I still have the lack of appetite for the most part though I can sense it creeping up sometimes.  It's less physical to my stomach....and more keyed to my reactions in other ways.  Which can be easily confused with emotions as well.  I get jittery or crabby when I havent eaten.  I have to literally think about it...."when did i last eat' or am I actually feeling mad, irritated or worried etc.

We have work to do here for sure!.................it's not all about shrinking our stomachs to shrink our bodies. 
The fat chick in my head has had to be 'outed' as the emotionally ignorant, reality deny-er that she is.  I was huge yet didn't see it.  I am small yet still don't see that either.  Keep in mind we fat girls are generally nurturers, doing for others.......acknowledging or asking for our emotional need to be met is hard at first but asking my hubby to hold me rather than hitting the cookie jar is doing a body good, my body good ;-)

Hope I didnt step on any toes but this is just some insight into my journey right now with dealing with feelings by identifying them and guiding my emotional need rather than whipping up something tasty to create a new feeling in my mouth rather than choosing to feed my soul.

Deb

I think your post was excellent Deb! Thank you for your insights!

Thank you all soo much for your words of encouragement and sharing your stories with me.
I have been in counseling for about a month and a half. the main focus of our sessions are what I eat and how I feel while i'm eating it. So far it has been a pretty amazing experience I keep a journal of what I eat throughout the day and what I'm feeling as I do it, where I'm at who I'm with etc. I have started to understand my self, my emotions, and feelings a lot better because of these excersises. However, still the desire to do bad for myself is still there. It's having the will power to control what I do with my emotons and knowing when I'm doing something just because I'm bored or angry or whatever that emotion may be at the moment. 

 Again thank you all for being supportive :) having this family of OH support has been extreamly helpful to me!!