I don't know how long I can hold on...long vent

*posted on RNY board too*

hi guys... this is going to be kinda long and mainly a venting episode. If I dont vent about it I may just go crazy.

So I had RNY surgery on Feb 9, 2010. My first 2 1/2- 3 weeks I was good. I was on a liquid diet. No problems at all. As soon as I started to eat soft foods that is where my trouble began. By Feb 27th i was throwing up everything and by the 28th I could not keep water down. I was re-hospitalized on the 28th until March 5th at Scripps Mercy (where my surgery was done). While I was there I had an endoscopy and found to have a pinpoint stricture. Once I was released on the 5th I ended back in the hospital (Scripps mercy) on the 8th until the 16th... once again I had another stricture. Once home I had an outpatient endoscopy done at Kaiser on the 22nd and was readmitted to the hospital (kaiser) on the 25th, dilated again for the 4th time. I was released on the 30th and was once again admitted on the 2nd to kaiser. I was dilated again so that makes the 5th time... I was at kaiser from the 2nd until the 13th. At this point they refused to dilate me anymore since I was told by the GI docs that if it hadnt worked by the 5th time it wasnt going to work. They were going to send me home on IV nutrition until I could eat or drink. Only problem is they wouldn't dilate me again so that I could eat or drink. So I threw a fit and demanded that they send me to my original surgeon. So once released on the 13th my boyfriend drove me down to San Diego to Scripps Mercy to see my surgeon. He admitted me to the hospital and had me dilated again on the 14th (6th time). I was then dilated again on the 22nd (7th), 29th(8th), and 3rd (9th). I also had my gallbladder removed on the 26th due to developing gallstones in 2 months after surgery. I was released from the hospital on the 5th of May.

So as of now I am at home and driving myself nuts. I am so anxious about my stomach closing with a stricture again that I dont know what to do. My surgeon is great and has talked to me quite a bit since i got home to reassure me and try to help me through this process. I am on an anti anxiety med as of yesterday and it has helped a little. I just dont know what to do. My options if it closes off again are another endoscopy (hope 10th times the charm) or to have a revision. At this point it is my decision on what I want to do. My surgeon said if I am done he will do surgery. It is just up to me. For the most part right now physically I am doing pretty good. Emotionally I am a wreck. I just dont know how much longer I can do this. I am just so done. I cant help but think of the what ifs... I know everyone tells me to just relax and not think of it but being at home alone (boyfriend is at work, but took off Friday and Monday to be with me, he has weekends off) I have nothing better to do than to think of it. The anxiety med has helped me to calm down a little bit and I haven't been crying as much so I guess thats a plus.

I know it may sound silly but I am scared out of my mind with this whole process. I am trying to adjust to being home after a month of hospitalization. It is just so overwhelming and I really dont know how much more of this I can take. I dont regret my surgery... yet, I just wish this hadn't happened to me.

Thanks for reading and letting me vent.

Nathalie

Hi Nathalie, I am sorry to hear about all the issues related to strictures and then on top of that the gallbladder!  I have had a total of 3 strictures.  Make sure you try to drink something to keep yourself hydrated and to keep something going into your stomach which may help limit the stricture.  I wish you the best!
Hugs
Terry

Thanks for the encouragement. I am actually on soft foods finally and the last 3 dilations I closed off a 4-5mm but not as much as before. It is still frusterating going through this right now. I am eating as much as I think I should and trying to get in all of my water and protein everyday. It is just so overwhelming right now, that it makes me feel as though I cant do this. I know that in the end this will be worth it but right now I am just so unsure of it. Thanks again for being there :)

Nathalie

(((((Nathalie))))) I am so sorry hun. I know you have been thru so much since surgery. Just know that we are all here for you, and no matter what decision you make, we will support you. Sending you love and big hugs. x0x0x0x0

Thank you Katt for all of the support you have always given me. It is really appreciated.

I have been praying for you and missed you on the board.   I am sorry for all you have gone through.   Try to focus on your faith.  Put it in God's hands, he wouldn't give you anything you couldn't handle, even though I know you probally think differently right now.   Just ask him all your questions and he will guide you. 

I will keep prayer that everything goes your way from here on out.

Ann

Thank you for keeping me in your prayers. I really appreciate it. I will try to stay on the boards more often but these past few days have just been really hard for me. I am feeling better today so that is a plus.

Nathalie

Hi Natalie,

I can relate to what you are going through.  Thank God mine wasn't to the extreme yours is, but 10 dilations and a perforated intestine later....I had revision.  I too was scared to death to do the revision surgery.  However it was the BEST thing that happened.  I am now stricture free and able to eat anything (healthy) I even ate raw veggies for the first time about a week and a half ago.  If I knew that the recovery was going to be this way......I would have done the revision 9 mos ago.  No one can make the decision for you, but speaking from someone that had the complication of a stricture (over and over and over again)  and even tho the revision wasn't actually a choice.....had I known now.....it would have been the choice I would have made.  IM me if you want to ask me anything else.  I beleive you also have my private email.  Take care my friend.  Hang in there......it really will get better.

Linda

Thanks Linda. I will probably drop you an email in the next couple of days. I have a few questions to ask you. Thanks for being there for me.

Nathalie

Hi Nathalie,

Oh my gosh! I am so sorry you've had to go through all this. I almost feel guilty at the tiny complications I've had. You are a trooper hanging in there and not regretting the surgery. I am thinking of you and hoping for a good outcome. I can't believe how scary this all has been. I don't blame you for the anxiety. In fact, if you weren't anxious I'd be more worried!!

I hope to hear about your decisions and reading good news that things have calmed down for you.

All the best,

MsBlues