How do you tell everyone??

I will be finishing my Options classes at Kaiser on Feb. 16. Within my family, only my husband and my parents know what I am going to be doing. How do I tell other people? My mother-in-law can be very judgemental, as well as my sister-in-law. More importantly, I have two sons that I haven't told yet either. How do I do this??

Hi Metamorphing,

It's a hard thing to decide. My mother is also very judgmental and is probably the source of my eating disorder and food addiction. I decided to tell people I see on a regular basis in my life because hiding it would be too difficult.  I didn't want to tell people because of the shame I feel about my weight and I didn't want to hear ignorant remarks either. Once I decided to tell my family, my co-workers and close friends, I also decided I was going to set boundaries if people became judgmental. If they asked a question I didn't want to answer, I was prepared to say "I am not comfortable answering that question. I might be someday, but today, I am not." If someone told me I was taking the easy way out I was going to say "That comment not only is untrue, but it hurts my feelings. If you'd like to know why it's not true I'd be happy to tell you." I also decided if someone said an ignorant remark, I would correct them, but in a way that was calm.

To my surprise though, almost everyone was supportive and asked question that were more technical than personal. Some comments were ignorant, but when I informed them of the life long implications (constantly taking vitamins, no sugar, no popcorn, no caffeine, no alcohol) people started realizing nothing about what I was doing was easy.

You of course can choose to not say anything. In fact if you decide to tell your family members, especially the sister in law and mom in law you can say, "I wasn't going to tell you I was having weight loss surgery, because I was afraid you'd view me in a negative way." Most people will hear that and be more supportive.

Whatever your decision, you will find support on this board.  We've all had to grapple with knowing who to tell and who not to tell. We've all wondered how people will react when we do mention what we've done. Keep writing to this board. It will help you a lot.

Good Luck!

MsBlues

On tlling people you could say that I am making better choices in what I eat and it is working. It is your decision on who knows that you are having surgery. As for your sons it would depend on how old they are. If they are old enough to understand then I would tell them, if they are real young then they might not understand but you could just let them know that mom is going to have surgery and will be gone from home a couple of days and will be alright.

Good  luck to you.

But as for me I tell everyone I meet, I am proud of the weight I have lost, I tell them I had gastric bypass and it is still hard to lose weight it is just a tool that helps but if I eat the wrong things I will get sick and I do not like that part of this so I choose to stay away from those foods. It is like being allergic to those foods. I have alot of them start asking me questions about it because they want to learn more.

Well I have a blabber mouth and tell everyone. I would advice you to tell people that will be supportive of your decision before your surgery.  If your MIL and SIL don't live in your town don't tell them until you see them again.  If they ask why you did  not tell them then be honest with them.  Or at least tell them you did not feel comfortable telling them.  You are going to meet people who will delight in telling you of the people they know who have died from this. Well it was probably a long time ago and I would just say that they have really perfected this surgery even in the last 3 or 4 years.  Then they are going to tell you how many people they know who put the weight back on.  Then I tell them I know that can happen but it is up to me.  I tell them this is a tool not a magic bullet. 

Good Luck with your surgery and remember it doesn't really matter what the others think.  I agree that you should tell your sons that you are having surgery and will be in the hospital 2 or 3 days.  If they are old enough to understand you can explain more to them. 

Keep us posted on everything. We have a lot of people who went through Kaiser on the Cali Board.