I'm ready to give up&I haven't even started yet.

Sorry, this is going to be long. 
I'm a Navy  Wife in San Diego.  I get all my medical through a civilian Doctor. I asked for the referral for RNY from my PCP and within a week I had an appointment with Dr. Mary Murphy.  No Problem, l loved her. I had my Psych appt-cleared, blood work, EKG-all cleared, everything done.  Tricare doesn't cover a nutritionist, so I was working with Dr. Mary on that.  I had the authorization letter from Tricare approving my surgery.  All I was waiting for was a surgery date. Everything went  soooo smoothly! I was floating on a cloud. 
Then my Dr found out she wasn't able to do any surgery's at this time, and said I can wait for her(wasn't sure how long), Or I could go see someone else. She was totally fine with that.  So after having some trouble switching the doctors through the 1-800# for Tricare, I was frustrated and called my civilian Dr. and told him what happened and if he could get me another referral for  a doctor I wanted to see.  For some reason my doctor's office put in a general referral with no doctor labeled. I guess if that happens and the base can do the service there, they pick it up. Tricare can't touch it or anything.  I was trying to explain to them I already had the approval, but they didn't care, the base has a lock on my file, and to do anything, have the surgery, or be reffered out, I HAVE to see their surgeon and he makes that decision.  So I have been calling them all week, and all I heard was the nurse is reviewing your file, as soon I as I get it from her I will call you and make an appointment.  So I get a phone call today, and guess what, the nurse knows NOTHING about me. She kept asking me what the referral was for(well let me see, you are a BARIATRIC CLINIC, what else would it be for!!!!)  She didn't know about me having High Blood Pressure, my weight, my height, my BMI, Nothing!  I'm thinking what were you doing all week that you had to "review" my file.   Anyways, she was pretty rude, and I explained the whole entire story to her, she didn't care.  She was basically saying what do you want me to do.  At this point I don't care where I get the surgery done, I just want it done.  So I asked her about their program, I said I have been trying to do this since July.  She said it's up to me and how motivated I am, they usually want us to lose 10% of excess weight, meet with the nutritionist, and take 2 classes.  She thought it would take at least 3 months. I also told her  my husband deploys in January I would like to try and have it done at least a month before then, so I can at least be somewhat healed before he leaves me with our four kids for 6 months!  (I don't want to go under without him there!  I know he can't do anything if something happens, I know that he will probably be so stressed and worried, and won't be much help, but he makes me feel safe, and feel okay and calm).   It seemed like she didn't even care about that, it was oh no, that won't happen it will be at least 3 months. I asked about the surgeon releasing me to be referred out, and she said it was highly unlikely considering they do all the services there.  At the end, she said so what did you want to do, did you want to do this or not? (hello?? Did you not hear me? I have been trying to do this since July, YES!! I want to do this!)  

When I got off the phone, I just started balling. I don't understand what's going on.  Why does it seem like I'm jumping through hoops just to get this done?   I feel like maybe this wasn't meant to be, maybe I wasn't supposed to have this surgery.  I also think of how this would change my life, I dream about that, the changes, how much healthier I would be, how much healthier my children and husband will be.  I am so stressed over this. I don't think I have been this stressed over anything.  I feel like my life is on hold. And I don't think it's fair that I already had an approval and the military came in and just took it away.  Even if they just said, "okay I see you were already approved, but we want to do the surgery here, let me make you a surgery date"(yeah, only in my dreams).

So that's my story, I'm making myself sick over this.(hey, maybe I will lose some weight from being stressed)
Thank's for listening, sorry for all the whining!(now I know where my kids get it from!)

Terri

My question is why wasn't the first surgeon, Dr. Mary Murphy unable to do the surgery after you jumped through all her hoops?

Hoping for the best.
HUGS
JOY

Thank You Joy.  I love this site, it feels so good to not be alone.

With Dr. Mary everything went perfect.  She was the best doctor, I had my approval within 4 days.  I was able to go through my own Psych and doctor for all the workups.  It had something to do with her going through negotiations for Malpractice insurance. I don't quite understand, but from what I could tell, doctor's have to go through it once a year, and it's a hassle( I think)`.   She didn't know how long it would take, or if she was even going to be able to do it. She is in business on her own. 

I'm just feeling overwhelmed. I am trying to beat the clock before my husband leaves.  It doesn't help that he is gone so much from now until the time they leave, doing all their workups. It makes me feel like I'm really alone in this.  Even though he does support me 100%, sometimes you just need them close by to feel the support.

Terri,  Hang in there and don't give up.  It will happen!!!  I will keep you in my prayers!!  Keep positive!!

Best of luck!!

Michele

Please? Would you? I have been praying mainly for peace. That God knows what he's doing.  I don't believe he would open my eyes to this gift, to just dangle it in front of my face and then take it away.  I am one of those people that will have a whole argument with myself in my head.  So right now, it's  Having the surgery.....Not having the surgery....Having the surgery....Not having the surgery, LOL! Most of the time it is completely for it.

Thank You!!

Don't dispair...All things happen when they are suppose too. And if you have to get pushy then push. My PCP was totally against my having WLS! The week before my surgery he begged me not to do it. But he thinks obesity can be cured with a Vegan diet. Well it might ,I won't say that is isn't possible but I can't live on a vegan diet. No Dairy...Not this girl !!! LOL Anyway, I insisted he give me a referral.
After all her works for me. Now with the military it might be different. But, I do wish you all the very best of luck.

HUGS
JOY

Yes, I am definitely not a pushy person. But I am getting so mad and frustrated.
The other day I was telling my 6 year old and 4 year old, that Mommy is really nice all the time, but when you push my buttons I can be even meaner than your Daddy, So don't push my buttons!  My 4 year old's response," Mommy, where are your buttons?".  I was hiding my smile and laugh.  She is the baby, and most definitely the handful!   I have a line, once you push me past it, there's no turning back, and they are really trying my patience!!!(the doctor's, not my kids...yet ;)

I know it's supposed to happen at a certain time, I just wish I could know that time.  I am so impatient at times.  You know, I have been going back and forth in my head about diets, and oh yeah I can probably lose it this way, or that way.  Family and friends all say, oh you can lose it by yourself.  When I joined the gym, someone said, oh now you can just work out and lose the weight, you don't have to do the surgery.  It upset me, just because it's like they think I've just been sitting here this whole time, being overweight and doing nothing about it. I have worked my butt off so many times these last 10 years to lose it.  Obviously now, it's getting too serious to mess around.  I have tried so many ways, and yeah I lost weight, but only a little and then I gained back double!    I completely agree with others comments about if it was so easy to just lose the weight we wouldn't be having this epidemic.  The first bypass journey I ever read was Comedian, Basil White( www.basilwhite.com). Here is an answer to someone's question  from his page:

Question:
My sister thinks that gastric bypass surgery is taking the easy way out of the problem of obesity. Is this true?

His Answer:
"Sally Myers the nutritionist runs a support group for patients and people considering the surgery (http://www.stapleclub.com). One evening she asked the group if surgery was an easy way out. They all sounded a chorus of "No!" Your life and your body will change drastically, and there are some new burdens and obligations. But staying healthy with the surgery seems to be a lot more possible than staying healthy without it, at least for me.

I doubt your sister sees blind people who use a cane or a seeing-eye dog and thinks, "Cheater." To me, being obese is not about suffering the consequences of some intrinsic weakness or a lack of willpower. Thin people don't have more willpower than fat people. They're just thin. Their hypothalamus works. Their body tells them that they're full, and they stop eating. Good for them.

I have three college degrees, including an M.A. from Johns Hopkins. 4.0 grade point average. With Attention Deficit Disorder. While obese. You don't get a graduate degree without a strong amount of willpower. A lot of thin people who use the willpower argument have secret shame about their own perceived lack of willpower because they never finished college, can't keep their house clean, or just can't seem to turn off the television. It ain't about willpower. The willpower philosophy is false. Don't believe the hype. A lot of people shrink from change, even when its someone elses change"


I really liked reading through his journey. He is really funny, and helped me to make my decision on this surgery.

I'm sorry to have such long responses, but my honey's gone, and there has only been conversations with the little ones. Once I start talking I can't stop!

 

Wow, what a mess! I don't have any answers, don't know anything about the Navy or Tricare.
What I do want to say is, Don't give up!!! If God wants this for you, it will happen, and it doesn't mean there won't be roadblocks. This is a roadblock, that is it!!! Is there someone else you can call to start over and maybe straighten this out? Can Dr. Murphy help in any way??
I just wanted to send you some hugs and let you know that if you need to vent or anything, I'm here. I live in Poway, so we could meet for cofffee or something if you want! Hang in there and keep the faith sweetie!!!!    bigg huggs, Becky

Terri all I can say is wow and that I will keep you in my prayers that something will change soon! I know it is disappointing....but this is all happening for a reason. Personally, I have never heard of a doctor having to go through negoiations for their malpratice insurance....somehow that would send a red flag to me...but that is me and you know her in person.

There are plenty of people here on this site who have been denied, had to jump through hoops you name it, but have gone on to have surgery and gain a new healthy lifestyle. Don't despair...push on and it will happen!

  

When people say "now you can lose the weight on your own", I say one of two things:

1) It's not losing that's a problem for me, it's keeping it off

or

2) What makes you think *this time* will be different from all the other times?

The second one only works if they know your history.