humiliation moments

 Hi-- I would love some answers "after the fact"  here's  my story...... I am waiting for surgery --and have lost 63 #!! So---feeling pretty good!  Well--last night I went to my yearly favorite music---the monterey bay blues festival----now---I am a huge music person---- food vs. music---I actually take music!! Soo..... being obese tho--- I am always careful about venue seating--- and there are many events I just don't go to!  BUT !! The Blues Fest here is one of my favs--and I have gone---MUCH HEAVIER!!! SO last night---- My friends and I get to our really good seats..... and nobody is sitting next to me on the left---- for all day and most of the evening----now-- I don't "spill" into the next seat really---but for the headliner---- some ladies come to the seats next to me--- DIDN"T really even try to sit---and just said---"well, I can't fit there, ...." (because I was sitting next to her)  I quietly squeezed over to my friend's chair as much as I could----I was not in her chair---- she went to sit somewhere else ( away from her friend) for a couple of songs---- the friend was angry---- and then talked LOUDLY to the folks on the other side ( feel my humiliation!!)  NEXT---they came over to me and asked if I had a knife or scissors so I could cut the seats!!!  I said I was sorry---- NO, I have nothing!! Well... now--my ( very expensive once a year evening) was getting messed up..... I really couldn't relax and enjoy the music anymore...... finally---- the folks on the other side left early---and so they moved----BUT not before making a comment about the reason for moving....and NOW, I'd have plenty of room!!! Oh man!!!  AND by the way------ there are a LOT of obese folks at the blues festival--- A LOT heavier than me!!!  So..... what would you all have done????? I promise it won't keep me from going to my music.... thanks for your comments.....sorry this ran on and on...... Lori

Public seating is the worst....airplanes..theatres...ballparks...concerts...they are all made for an "average" sized person (whatever that is!!)....

So sorry this happened to you, and yup, we've all probably "been there done that"....

What the hell where they thinking when they asked for scissors or a knife??? Cut the seats??? Oh my gosh... rude AND ignorant... a winning combination,eh? LOL...

What can you do about these situations? Unfortunately, I don't know of anything...you can get mad at them...but it won't make a difference... you can feel ashamed...but, what's the use? You are doing what you can, and you have lots to be proud of! Losing 63 pounds?  Awesome! Pursuing WLS? Courageous!

Hopefully, in a year or so, you'll post a "wow" moment of fitting into those very same seats...

xoxo

another Lori

Thank you Lori---- ( I am Lori C too--- so I do "Lori KC"-- ) I meant to write that those crummy metal seats were tied together --- 5 or 6 in a bunch---- with metal wire..... and she thought maybe to cut the seats a part---- separate them--which by the way would have been great----- but the festival people obviously don't want them cut apart----- to keep the aisles wide and safe!!! Thank you very much for your kind words..... and encouragement----and yes---- NEXT year---I'll be telling another story!!!

Well, I can tell you I had a similar experience on an airplane.  I was probably at 340lbs at the time, and my seat was the second seat in on a four seat row, so I was the third seat away from the window.  The man (I would not dare call him a gentleman) whos seat was the end seat finally came to sit down when the plane was almost full.  He took one look at me.........and said "are you kidding?" and grabbed the flight attendant as she was walking by.  He said to her "you need to seat me somewhere else.  Obviously I cannot sit here" and she politely gave him a seat in first class.  Yes, my ass was big and regardless I managed to get the seatbelt tightly fastened, and I kept my arms folded as to take up as little square footage as possible, but still this man felt he deserved better that to sit next to an obese person for a flight that was all of 45 minutes. What did I do about it?   I cried for 45 minutes.  I cried to myslelf and the tears never spilled over, but had anyone looked me in the eye it would have been clear that I had been crying.  I was horribly humiliated and knew I would probably experience this again one day. I did not experience that exact same situation..........but I did experience other similar humiliations and all I can say is know that very soon you will be free of that.  You will be free of many of the emotional bars that imprison you today.   Congratulations on your BIG 63lb loss.........that is absolutely amazing and you should be so proud of yourself!  Cant wait to see the post "I am a loser!" Good luck and take care, Connie

Thank you Connie!!!   I think your story was worse tho'-----I didn't cry---- I was stunned I gues cuz I was feeling so good!  I was just going to post to you a huge CONGRATULATIONS for YOUR WOW moment!!! That actually brought a tear to my eye----- now that is a very cool moment----living your NEW DREAM!!! I am really happy for you!! Take care---and thank you very much for your support! ~Lori

Connie....my gf is a flight attendant, and she would have moved YOU to first class... not only would the jerk get his way and his "room", but YOU would not have been humiliated!

that flight attendant blew it...sorry you had to live through that...

xoxo

Lori

Hello Lori.....

I has something very close to this. Only mine was at Dizzy Land. I was asked to get out/off of a ride. In front of EVERYONE in the state of calif. OK just felt that, it was bad. I left D-land never went bac****il after I had my surgery, Trust me, you can ask my friends. (S & M) I was scared to try alot of the rides. I was looking ahead at larger then me people to see if they fit. And this was me at 165 pound. Darn near a normal person. I was still scared. Still am at times. But I have been told that I need to STOP!!! thinking like a FFC something I am not nor will be ever be.

Your day will come, when you walk into a place and see a "you" sitting there all worried about who is going to sit next to them. You be that person, walk over sit your skinny butt down, and say "hi" and smile like she was you best friend.

OK it wont help you for last night, but it will help her. I know, because I do that all the time now.  I see them relax, and I feel like I done something good, for once.

Sorry for your bad night.

LL

Hi LL,  Thank you for your story and I love how you now handle the "heavy person" situation. As soon as I get smaller (had my RNY on 6/3 and am down 32 lbs. now) I will be using your idea too. What a "feel good" thing to do, I love it. You sound like a very kind, understanding person. Have a great week and take care. 

Lori I am sorry you had to go through that, you are working so hard to lose weight.... People like that are not worth are time..... i truly belive what go around comes around... you can not be that ugly to people and be happy.   Cate 48

Lori, hello from Fern's mom.  I cannot believe the cruelty.  I am fuming.  They acted like you had intentionally done something horrible to them, then did something horrible to you.  You handled it so well.  I wish there was a good comeback for people that unkind - I'm too mad to think of one.   No one deserves to be attacked, and you were ATTACKED, for no reason.  Goes to show how children need to be taught to be kind, taught to take other's feelings into consideration, taught to be tolerant, loving, helpful.  Those idiots were not taught basic consideration for their fellow man.  They must come from hateful upbringings.  I always told my children when they were growing up and got their feelings hurt, or were treated unkindly, that those kind of people LEARNED that behavior at home, and to actually feel sorry for them.  Cruelty sometimes makes little minded people feel powerful.  And that cycle repeats itself until it is broken.   You have ***** and stood your ground,  Bravo!!!!!Yes, don't give them any power, keep enjoying your music, your friends, your life.  By the way, 63 lbs!!!!!!!!! wow.  You are an inspiration!!!!!!!!!