A Husband's Concerns

This past weekend was a rough one for me and my husband. We were having some major marital issues and he brought up some stuff that he hasn't talked to me about before. He brought up the concern about excess skin after surgery. Now, I understand that this is a true and valid concern, but I couldn't believe he was just now bringing it up. However, I now understand that the other issues we were having allowed him to be brutally honest, and I respect that.  Let me start by saying that my husband has NEVER, EVER, called me fat or said ANYTHING rude about my weight. He knew me first as a fluffy woman, and he has loved me unconditionally every since. He has been supportive of me and my journey 100 % and I love him for that. Anyway, he was saying that after watching MANY episodes of Big Medicine, that sometimes he looks at my body and wonders what I will look like after surgery and that he wonders if I will have a lot of excess skin. (I am very bottom heavy, and it isn't smooth ladies and gentleman!) He says that he wonders if he will act differently towards me and that he is terrified of hurting my feelings or making me feel like he isn't attracted to me. I tried to validate his thoughts and explain that it was a perfectly normal question/concern and it is something that I myself, am curious about and that I want to end well. I asked him if he preferred me not to do the surgery (not that it would change my mind at this point). He was very clear and said, "No, I want you to do it for you and your health." We talked about plastic surgery after reaching goal, things I can do to help the excess skin situation (excercise and lots of protein), and the natural progression of it. It was a good talk overall, and I am really glad that he actually said something finally. I don't know what the future holds, but I pray that this surgery enhances our relationship afterwards. In the meantime, I will continue to build up my lean muscle and work out and take in my protein. Anyone have any similar situations and/or advice?

First off honey, you are nowhere as big as some of the people on Big Michine, so you will not have the skin issue as bad. Second if you exercise as much as you can, most of the skin will shrink up. And girl, you are young, your skin is still very heathy and plyable.

Now, dont get me wrong you will have some sagging, but I bet most of your skin is going to shrink up.

I have heard that vitumin e oil helps also. Not that I have every tried it but it supose to help the skin. Try it. It couldn't hurt. Right!

I think you handly things great, you let him talk and get it off his chest, if it had been bothering him, then he really needed to talk.  I think his love for you is not going to change, it seems to strong.

L

 

Thank you so much Lu. I really appreciate your words of encouragement.

As both has said, young skin and the amount of time and how much it has been stretched out means alot.  If you have been heavy for your entire life more than likely it won't go back like you expect it too, but if your weight problem has been around a shorter period of time, as Lu had said you should be fine.  My hubby has absolutely NO problem with the skin.  When we married I was 240 and grew to 392 and he didn't care, he loved me for who I was not what I looked like.  He is not small either.   I have more problem with my skin than he does and he knows that there are things that can be done to take care of the problem Good luck

Hi Diane, Thank you for the information/advice. I was thinking the same thing that you mentioned. I was around 240-260 most of my life, and within the past couple of years I ballooned up to 354. So, hopefully that weight that hasn't been on for too long will come off without a lot of reprocussions, but I know it won't be perfect because like you said, I have struggled with my weight for most of my life. Thank you again and I hope you are recovering well from your surgery!

April:  I think it is really hard for the hubbies to think the woman they love are making major changes.  At least he said something so you can address the issue.  I agree that you are so young your skin will do amazing things.  You'll be amazed at what your body will do.  A friend of mine that is much older than you is 5 years out.  She has kept all her weight off and has put a lot of muscle on and toned herself up.  At first I think your skin is saggy because of rapid weight loss but protein & working out will fix things. Hang in there.  Hubby is probably just scared. Your big day is coming fast!  Lisa

Hi Lisa, Thank you so much for your feedback, it is very encouraging to hear about your friend who is 5 years out. Yes, my day is coming fast... and here is to it HAPPENING!!! Fingers crossed!

It's really good that you got this out before surgery and you are lucky he is so good at communicating! I think that will be key to making this work. WLS is a major change in a relationship, but with open communication it will be a lot easier. Ask him to always be open and honest with you as you go through the changes and you should do fine!!  I must say, I wasn't sure our marriage would survive my WLS (for many reasons), but I must say, Mike has done very well and I'm very proud of him!!  Like everyone said, with your age your probably won't have many issues and you are already on top of doing things to improve the situation. You will be fine sweetie!!!  biggest hugs, Becky

Hi Becky, I totally agree, I am really glad that he started talking. He always seems like everything is A-OK and until something REALLY concerns him, he doesn't say anything. He knows that I am open to hearing it, but I think that he is so terrified to hurt my feelings, that he tends to keep stuff inside. Ah, men. I am very glad that your marriage has survived and I wish you guys continued success. Love ya muchos!

 

 

I had similar concerns about the surgery and many more as I am sure others did. Alot of thoughts go through the minds of people either having the surgery or those who support those who are having the surgery. I would have to say one might ask which is better? loose skin or better overall health? Again like everyone said you are young, and that gives you a better chance to have your skin bounce back. I am over 2 yrs out and my skin has bounced back quite a bit but im definately not a hard body but then again I never was! I do hope the best for you and your husband. :) Brina