OT: just thinking.....

Reflection, careful thought, especially the process of reconsidering previous actions, events, or decisions.

Time to reflex? When is it the right time for reflection. Now? Or Later? and does it matter?

I was thinking about some of the stuff in my past, and wonder if I didn’t do that or if I had done that instead of this. How would my life be now? Would I want to redo or undo anything in my life? If I could, would I want to? Would it make a difference in my life and would I want to make that change? If I am happy with my life the way it is, why would I want to change it now?

Ohhh yes, there are one or two things I would change, that I am not proud of and can almost go as far as to saying that I am a shamed of them. And they are not that far back in the past. So if I had not let them happen or if I had took a different “path” would my life be all that much changed? If I had took a different path, would have be here with my friends, as happy as I am, or would I be very unhappy about the way things are. Would I be dragged down and making the wrong choices about things. Would I be one of them people posting, “help, I’m gaining weight and I don’t know how to stop it” Would that be me? Or if I had gone that way, would I be better off then I am now?? Could this be the wrong path?? Could my life be so much more richer then it is now? WOW!! Now that is confusing. Gosh, could my life be better? What if I had said no call a invitation to Hawaii? Would Liz and I be as close as we are? 3 years ago my father was very sick and dying. I came here and posted all about that, Liz was the only one that come on and was “real” with me. I think that is really when our friendship started. Or at least that was the start of our “paths that cross” Would I want to lose her? NO!!!! OR so many others here on the site that I have met over time. Steve, Janine, Sherrise, Celest, Lynnie, Michelle, Kirsten, Scott, Stephanie, Mike, Dainna, and so many others that are a big part of my life. Who did I text on Sunday? Celest, why? Because every time I am out that way, I do. Why? Because she once asked me too, wave as I drove by, so now I do. Its just part of me now, as she is. When I was upset over my dad one night, and a leaky sink. She was there for me. Letting me cry, then told me what to do. OMG! I still remember ever world she told that night. Thank you, Celest. I will forever love you for that, and for so many other reasons. God, its been 3 years, and I still miss him. I still hurt and smile when I think of him. The love still grows.

Would I want to change any of that? Would I want to lose anyone of the above, and so many others? NO! I would not, but does that mean I wouldn’t want to change somethings? No, there are few things I would change. But since there is nothing I can do about that, why stress over them? What is in the past, is in the past and we CAN NOT change them. Right? So why deflexed? Or should that be remember? I will always remember my past, and use that keep my future ahead of me.

Does that make since? It does me to me, and now I am happy I took the time to “remember” or for the “reflection”

Thank you for letting me say this. I guess I needed to get it out. Feel free to "get your stuff out" if you need to you.

Lusty Lu