Hemo Appt.
So... here is my recap of my appt w/the Hemotologist on Monday:
-Got to the building
-Parked the car
-Walked into the building
-Checked in w/Receptionist
-Filled out paperwork
-Weighed in, vital stats and blood drawn by Dr.'s asst.
-Asst leaves- "The Dr. will be right in"
-In walks the Dr.
-*In a STRONG Chinese accent*--"Herro, I Dr. Chen"
-"Hi Dr. Chen, I'm April"
-"What wrong with you?"
-"Well, I want to have gastric bypass, but my blood results show low hemoglobin."
-"Ok. You smoke?"
-"No"
-"You drink?"
-"No"
-"You have diabetes?"
-"Not yet"
-"You breeding from da rectum?"
-"HUH?"
-"Are you breeding from your rectum?"
-"No, I'm not BLEEDING from my rectum"
-"You sure?"
-"Yes"
-"A Dr. has checked you?"
-"No"
-"Ok. Get up on table, I check your belly."
-I get up onto the examining table, VERY hesitantly
-Dr. Chen proceeds pushing on my stomach, checks my breathing
-"Deep breaf"
-*BIG BREATH IN, BIG BREATH OUT about 5 times*
-"Ok, turn to your right side"
-I turn over onto my right side
-"I be right back"
-Dr. Chen leaves
-In walks Dr. Chen with his young, blonde Asst.
-"Hi" the blonde says
-"Hello"
-Dr. Chen walks over to his counter
-SNAP!!!!!!!!!!!
-Oh **** ... there is a plastic glove
-GOOSH
-OH ****.. KY JELLY... OH ****
-"Ok, take down your pants"
-"Ummmmm... can you just go up through the leg of my pants? They are really flowy"
-"Ok"
-"Your pants are really cute by the way" says the blonde AS Dr. Chen says, "Say Awwwwwwwww....."
-"Awwwww........... OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
-Dr. Chen inserts his gloved, KY jellied fingers up THERE...
-Oh ****...
-"Ok, all done."
-Dr. Chen walks back to his counter and pulls out some little paper testing strip as my mouth lays AGAPE and the blonde leaves the room.
-"Ok, test is negative. You are NOT breeding from your rectum."
-NO KIDDING........ DIDN'T I JUST ANSWER THAT QUESTION?
-"Oh, that's good..." (Mouth still agape)
-"Ok, you take 2 iron pills per day and your multivitamin and come back in one week, have a good day. Bye"
-Dr. Chen walks me out
-I make the next appt with the receptionist
-"Would you like some Daffodils?"
-"Sure"
-The receptionist gives me a pretty bunch of daffodils in a small glass vase. I guess this is my parting gift for being VIOLATED...
The End
Until next Wednesday
-Got to the building
-Parked the car
-Walked into the building
-Checked in w/Receptionist
-Filled out paperwork
-Weighed in, vital stats and blood drawn by Dr.'s asst.
-Asst leaves- "The Dr. will be right in"
-In walks the Dr.
-*In a STRONG Chinese accent*--"Herro, I Dr. Chen"
-"Hi Dr. Chen, I'm April"
-"What wrong with you?"
-"Well, I want to have gastric bypass, but my blood results show low hemoglobin."
-"Ok. You smoke?"
-"No"
-"You drink?"
-"No"
-"You have diabetes?"
-"Not yet"
-"You breeding from da rectum?"
-"HUH?"
-"Are you breeding from your rectum?"
-"No, I'm not BLEEDING from my rectum"
-"You sure?"
-"Yes"
-"A Dr. has checked you?"
-"No"
-"Ok. Get up on table, I check your belly."
-I get up onto the examining table, VERY hesitantly
-Dr. Chen proceeds pushing on my stomach, checks my breathing
-"Deep breaf"
-*BIG BREATH IN, BIG BREATH OUT about 5 times*
-"Ok, turn to your right side"
-I turn over onto my right side
-"I be right back"
-Dr. Chen leaves
-In walks Dr. Chen with his young, blonde Asst.
-"Hi" the blonde says
-"Hello"
-Dr. Chen walks over to his counter
-SNAP!!!!!!!!!!!
-Oh **** ... there is a plastic glove
-GOOSH
-OH ****.. KY JELLY... OH ****
-"Ok, take down your pants"
-"Ummmmm... can you just go up through the leg of my pants? They are really flowy"
-"Ok"
-"Your pants are really cute by the way" says the blonde AS Dr. Chen says, "Say Awwwwwwwww....."
-"Awwwww........... OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
-Dr. Chen inserts his gloved, KY jellied fingers up THERE...
-Oh ****...
-"Ok, all done."
-Dr. Chen walks back to his counter and pulls out some little paper testing strip as my mouth lays AGAPE and the blonde leaves the room.
-"Ok, test is negative. You are NOT breeding from your rectum."
-NO KIDDING........ DIDN'T I JUST ANSWER THAT QUESTION?
-"Oh, that's good..." (Mouth still agape)
-"Ok, you take 2 iron pills per day and your multivitamin and come back in one week, have a good day. Bye"
-Dr. Chen walks me out
-I make the next appt with the receptionist
-"Would you like some Daffodils?"
-"Sure"
-The receptionist gives me a pretty bunch of daffodils in a small glass vase. I guess this is my parting gift for being VIOLATED...
The End
Until next Wednesday
Unfriggin believeable...well yes it is believeable....I would say something more, but unappropriate to write on the boards. I am sorry you had to go through that awful experience.
“When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others.” –Peace Pilgrim (1908-1981).
Oh April
I can't wait till next Wednesday. So sorry you were so vilolated, he may not have given you flowers before your date but he gave them to you after.
IT WON'T BE LONG BEFORE WE ARE READING THAT APRIL'S OUR NEWEST LOSER. 
Have a wonderful day and a fantastic weekend and an even better Easter.
Take care
JODI
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