Struggling Internally- advice?

(Long sorry) Ok, for those who dont know me... My Hubby had Lap RNY 8 days ago... The last few days Ive been struggling..... I want to lose weight too. At 500lbs, Hubby has always been the one struggling to keep up with me. Im 5'10 and about 340lbs--- always been overweight since a young age (Havent weighed myself in a month or so, so maybe more). Ive always been able to do stuff, I keep myself going because I have to, its always had to be me doing things in our relationship because physically Hubby couldnt. I work full time, I cook, I clean, so Im reasonably active. Now, and over the next year or so Im going to watch Hubby melt away, and become smaller than me for the first time. His life style is going to become more active.... he is going to be able to help me more, and do more around the house. The tides will be turning and I know I will start becoming the one who will struggle to keep up with him. Hubby wants me to lose weight too. He worries that if I dont lose weight, to be able to keep up with all the new things he will be wanting to do our relationship will be strained. I agree (Its strained now, with the oposite). He tells me that he will be encouraging me to lose weight too, which is a good thing. I figured after his surgery we would have no junk in the house, and wont be eating out near as much that I could eat healthy and lose weight. Its such a struggle. Ok, so here is whats going on in my head. The last 4 months as I have spent time here, read hundreds of profiles and followed people on their journeys, I kept thinking maybe WLS would be an option for me. Do I try to diet AGAIN? Lose that 52lbs again, and gain back 70lb? I feel like my head is telling me, you can do it, you dont need surgery... but it never happens. DO I keep trying and falling back, getting heavier everytime, while Hubby starts becoming active and healthy for the first time in his life? Im only 24, I feel like Im young, no major health issues.... but as I think about it, and watch as many insurance companies start removing this as a covered proceedure I think about what wonderful insurance we have now. UHC approved hubby in 7 days, no diet history needed, no history of being obese for 5 years, no co-morb's needed. Just need the pre-op testing stuff done, and to be BMI over 40. I wonder, if I keep my UHC health insurance next year, and its still covered, and no exclusions.... what if thats my only chance to ever have this done? What if my company stops using UHC, what if I change jobs? What if this is my only chance to have this done covered by insurance....and if I dont 4-5 years down the road I regret that I didnt take advantage of that? I worry about telling my manager I need 3 weeks off, and have to explain why. I feel like WLS is for me, but Im scared to death of it. I have PCOS, we have been trying for a baby for 4+ years. I know losing weight wont cure PCOS its always there--- but I know losing weight gives me a much better chance of having that baby I so very much want. I dont want to fall behind, and now be the one keeping Hubby back. If Im completely honest with myself I know I wont lose the wieght on my own. I guess this more of a ramble, or a rant.... I just feel like I need to make a decision and I cant... I need to either say No, I'll try again on my own, or say yes, I am going to do this and then put everything I have towards WLS. Thanks for listening... and for taking time to read this if you get to the bottom.

Darlene, It took me at least 2yrs to make the decision for wls. Well I did and glad I made that decision because now my ins does not cover wls any more, how sad for them to do that.... So many people need help. Good luck to you and making that decision.You are in my thoughts.. Keep in touch. Anna 229/170

Just my 2 cents worth.....if you truly don't think you can lose the weight on your own without the procedure...then I wouldn't delay...I wish I would have gotten this done 11 years ago when I was 24.....but I didn't...thought I could do it on my own....and the only I did was continue to grow....And with you two wanting kids.....think of the difference in the way you could play with them if you lost the weight vs. now.....WLS does not mean you cannot have kids in the future....in fact several people that I have talked to have told me that fertility is enhanced as the weight falls off.....you have the surgery now...and in a year to 18 months then you try to have kids...you will still be young and will be able to enjoy your life as a happy and healthy family. Best of luck with your decision.

Thanks David, Ive been thinking about the same things. I think its too late for this year--- so I think I will keep the same insurance plan Im on for next year, and call after the new year to see if its still covered, and still no exclusions. If it is covered, then I will look more into it for myself, if its not covered, guess it wasnt supposed to happen? Id like to see how Hubby is doing a few months from now, and also make sure he would be in a place to take care of me.

The decision to have the surgery is a very personal one. While people can infulence you, in the end it has to be YOUR decision. With that being said......it sounds like you have taken a long look at your diet history to know that another diet is not going to help you. But remember that this is not a 'diet' it is a lifestyle change. And maybe with your husband changing his lifestyle, you will also change. And with that, you will also lose. If I were in your shoes, I would give it 6 months to see if this does indeed work. If it does not, then look at the surgery as a real situation.

Ive been thinking maybe the same thing. Check and see if its still covered next year... and try for maybe mid next year, that way hubby has time to drop weight, I can see how he is doing and he will be able to care for me if I decide to proceed. I just pray its still covered next year, so I am able to make the choice.

sounds like you should start the process for WLS for yourself. You can be each others support team. I know for me at 340 lbs....I could not loose it on my own....but you may be different. I say make the appt for yourself...not your hubby. U got to do WLS for you and no one else. Sandy in Tucson I believe in the surgery if you do everything the Dr.s at St. luke's tell you to do. I never or rarely ever eat over 1,100 calories per day. I watch everything that goes in my mouth. It's a challenge....I love food. But, food was killing me. At 55 yrs. old I am taking WLS serious, I have very more chances left to live a happy life thinner. I have had to change my life style 180 degrees. The surgery does not work with out life style changes. 340/199/150 Nov. 4-2004 Dr. Fang....revision

Darlene - It sounds like you've thought this out. If this is really something that you are seriously considering, even if not for another 6 months, why not start the process now? I too have UHC and once I received my approval, the approval was good for a year. So if you start now, and you get your approval, or if you have to fight for your approval, it may still be good for a year, so that in 6 months, if/when you are ready for this step then you are starting that much ahead of the game. You would need to check with your UHC rep on the year timeframe of course. But that way, if the procedure is excluded next year, it may be a good headstart if you had already started the process. And your husband was a lucky one, from the time he started the process to the time he got his surgery was really quick and you may not find that to be your case. Like was mentioned, this is a decision you have to make for yourself, but look in the mirror and really be honest with yourself. We've all had to do that in order to make this decision and be comfortable with it. If you think you can lose on your own, do it with all you are able to. If after searching the past you decide you can't, then don't be afraid to make a decision for WLS. Fear paralyzes us, don't let fear prevent you from doing something for yourself. By the way, your manager can not ask you the reason why you will be out on medical leave. And if he/she gets nosey, here is the response I gave..."a medical situation came up that needs to be resolved. It won't be an ongoing medical condition, but must be addressed." It can be as simple as that. I/We know your road, and have been down it and on it, and are there for you every step of the way.

Hi Darlene! Looking back (I'm 56) I wish I had done this years ago. I ended up childless, this affected several marriages that went down the tubes. Then I ended up still fat at 52 with a complete hysterectomey and knowing all chances were gone. Since all systems are go, I'd say go for it NOW. Hugs! Sheryl

Oh wow...you sound like me a year ago. I am also tall (5'11") and my average weight for the past 5 years was around 330-340, and I topped off at 376 by surgery day. Making the decision to have WLS is a personal one and not one that anyone can influence you on. I do not think that EVERYONE who is morbidly obese should have WLS. I know that for ME, it's worked. I had NO co-morbidities when I had my surgery - was 31 at the time - and I had female issues. Two days after surgery my female issues were resolved on their own! You should not be in competition with your dh, or compare yourself to him in any way shape or form. Insurances are cutting down on approvals for this surgery - that's a fact. I think you KNOW what you want, but you are just afraid because surgery is sooooo major and there's no going back. I am 5'11" and top weight was 380 at one point. Now I'm in the 260's just 6 months later. That's over 100 lbs in 6 months! I did not have ANY complications. I got to thinking....okay, I don't have any co-morbidities NOW, but if I continue on my life over 300 lbs, I will definitely be getting some down the line and it may be irreversable. I know that for every day I was morbidly obese that my life span was being cut and cut and cut. It's like a SLOW suicide. We are slowly killing ourselves by not living a healthy lifestyle. I had over 200 lbs to lose and I had tried ALL the diets and everything and I just needed surgical intervention. It provided the tool I need to eat small and live healthy. I still have to do all the work, but having WLS helped make my job a little easier!!! So pray about it, think about it. don't rush into it. But make your decision soon before time runs out. You want to have children and live a long life to see your children's children. What you do NOW makes a difference. Either way, we support you 100%!!! WLS is not for everyone. So it's up to you. People have lost weight and kept it off on their own and people have lost weight and kept it off post-op. It's just how you want to go about getting there. {{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Trisha