SiSTER JEALOUSY!

Well, I didn't expect this -- but as I get further along in my journey my sister is acting out because she will become the 'bigger' sister when I have my surgery. She is making my life miserable. Totally unsupportive. She eats constantly and is getting bigger and counting cookies, etc., to see if I ate ate any -- which I'm not. Her plan is not working - constantly trying to sabotage me. She screams and yells and cries to get her way with everything -- then smokes pot and loads up on Vicodin when she doesn't get her way -- and guess what???? SHE is a guidance counselor. The reason I'm telling this is because I'm wondering if there are any questions on that psychological test about family support and if this could screw me up as to having the surgery. Thanks everybody. SHERYL P.S. - She lives upstairs.

Shelley, I'm sorry your sister is having such a hard time dealing with your decision to have wls. How old is she? She sounds like she's a child. If she's not, tell her to get over it! Can she have the surgery? Maybe you can both do it together. You would have your own support system. Randi

Yep, your sister is DEFINITELY jealous! She can start losing weight anytime she wants and/or even have the surgery too. (Though her drug addictions might hold her back from having surgery.) Even guidance counselors have to take their own advice sometimes. In my psych consult, Dr. Maxwell asked me if there was anyone close to me that was unsupportive. If you say yes, your sister, you will need to tell her how you plan on getting support since your sister doesn't support you. Tell her you have other family, friends, even us online to go to for support, and that you will not let your sister sabatoge you. You are focused, determined and motivated and when you do get down or she gets to you, tell the psych that you will REACH OUT for help to other family/friends/online support to help you. Having unsupportive people in your life will not prevent you from being cleared for surgery through your psych consult, but how you deal with it can. Explain how YOU will reach out to others for support and not confide or lean to your sister since she brings you down. Yelling/screaming to get her way is total insecurity/jealousy. It's like she has no other way to express it. You poor thing! But worry not - she will not be a hinder in your WLS journey!!! We are here for you!! Hugs, Trisha -56 lbs

Sheryl; My family was the same way before surgery. My mom and older sister were very negative about the surgery. My dad and other relatives were very supportive. I live in AZ and my family is in NM. I think that is what made it easier for me to distance myself from the negative. My sister is also obese. She like your sister eats sweets and more sweets and wonders why she is huge. I finally left it alone and wouldn't talk to them about my surgery. To my surprise after the surgery, they were very different about it. My mom has actually started reading more about it and now sends me articles and gives me idea's. My sister doesn't say much about it. Next week will be the first time I will see them since my surgery. I will be 70 lbs lighter, much happier and healthier. Lets see what they have to say now. Don't beat yourself up. My Phy. dr. felt that it was the fear factor that they are scared of. They love us and don't want anything bad to happen to us. Of course she is jeolus, you are doing something about your weight and she isn't. Assure your sister that your surgeon is very qualified and you are in good hands and regardless on her efforts to sabatoge you, you are going to be a lighter better you. Enough babbling. Hang in there! Cynthia

Thanks so much for all your help and support. I just found out this morning that she and her boyfriend are moving out -- she's 49 -- he's 31. All that negativity will be gone from here. I sure do appreciate everyone's responses and before this I was thinking i was the only person that had such negativity in her family. hugs to all! Sheryl

Sheryl, I'm really familiar with this one, except in my case, it's my mother. My mother has always been my eating buddy. Everytime I tried to lose weight, she worked against me. Little comments, serving things that she knew I didn't want to eat when I went over for dinner, etc. I finaly figured out that she was taking my decision to lose weight as a personal attack. If I was saying that it was not OK for me to be fat, she thought I was making a judgement about her. She felt like I was abandoning her. In our family, everything revolves around food. Every event is marked with some sort of meal. By having wls, not only was I taking away one of our common bonds - food, I was destroying tradition. She asked me point blank - "Who's going to go out for a big steak with me on weekends?" The answer was me, except from now on, it was going to be a much smaller steak. Normally I'm the one who fixes the big holiday meals and has the family over. She was afraid all of that would stop. I got a lot of the same sort of reactions from my heavier friends also. People are afraid of change, but I'm happy to say that my relationships with my mother and friends have stayed in tact. We had to find new things to bond over and there have been rough spots, but it's turning out OK in the end. Your sister's insecurity is her issue. Don't let her make it yours. Connie

I had the same reaction but with the guys at work. They were afraid I would change from the bubbly me to a not so nice me I told them I will change but it will be the same me on the inside. My sister who has a BMI of 23 said I will get smaller than her I do not think so- but it would be nice She was so supportive and I am so glad she loves to walk because she will motivate me everyday she is my Bernice RNY 4/4/05 -50

You are so lucky to have a supportive sister. I wish I had that but I do have so many people in my life that ARE supportive I guess I shouldn't dwell on the one person that isn't. And congratulations on the 50 pound loss!!!!! Hugs! Sheryl