Need Support

I have approval for surgery, and am waiting for a date. Problem is, my family is less-than-supportive, and I feel like I am flying alone. I could use a supportive person - anybody post-op feel like a mentor?

I do not know about being a mentor, but try to attend some support group meetings, that sure helped me. I was one of the lucky ones, all my family and friends were 100% behind me. Going to the main message board, along with the local message board of Obesityhelp.com will be of great help to you. Were will your surgery be at and what surgeon, you did not say. Try to find out who some of the other patients are that will be having there surgeon the same week. Also, go to the surgery page and find your date of surgery and email some of those people and I can almost guaratee you will find a person that would love to hear from you. Congrats on getting your approval, WLS was the best thing I have ever done for myself. Cindy Smith open RNY 8-6-03 -114 lbs

My surgery will be at Good Samaritan, and my surgeon Dr. Simon. I have gone to a support group, but really feel like I could use support before-the-fact. I am seeing a psychologist, but desire something more personal. The closer the date gets, the more antagonistic my family gets. I refuse to allow it to affect me directly, but it wears me down.

You will come across many people during this time and even after who are not supportive. I only tell you this from my own expierence. At first my family was some supportive and some were scared to death. Now after the fact all my family supports what I have done and thinks this is the best thing I could have done for my life. I will however tell you I have lost my "best friend" due to this surgery too ... and although it is to this day very hard I realize that I have to do what makes me a happier and healthier person, and if my friends will not stand beside me and support me then I don't need them. I encourage to find a support group in your area and go to the meetings and surround yourself with supportive people. This surgery was the best thing I have ever done for myself, I think you will find the same results I have!! Tina

Hi....I can totally relate to what you are saying. I am waiting for a date with Dr.Simon, and the reactions I've been getting have been mixed. I have decided to limit who I tell to just those people who I know will be supportive whether they agree or not. It's discouraging to be so very excited about this and then get a lukewarm or negative response from friends and family especially. My Mom's response in an email was .."I don't know whether to be happy or not, but I guess if you're happy then I am happy". Not exactly the "rah-rah" that I had hoped for. On the other hand my husband and some close friends have been so happy for me. One friend even shed tears because she's been through it herself and knows first hand that it's a good thing. I think people are against it for one of 2 reasons....they are uneducated, or they believe it's "too extreme". Just keep in mind only you can make decisions for you and your body, and regardless of how anyone feels...what you feel is what matters! You can do this.

Wow - thanks! At least you are getting 'lukewarm' response. From my sister (most of my family is deceased) I get 'if you put as much energy into losing weight as you did jumping thru hoops for this surgery, you could have lost weight'. And from friends its more like 'are you SURE you want to do this' - so I just don't discuss it with anybody anymore. I dont need their baggage - this is scarey enough without it. I know it is right for me, and they are not going to talk me out of it - I just get angry - I have supported THEM thru B A D decisions, I just wish, even if they don't approve, they could support me - even if they think it is bad, you know what I mean????? But they will not deter me - I have come this far on my own, I will make it!!!!!

Hi Helen, I am pre-op myself at this point although I do have a surgery date. Mine is on April 16. I go for all of my pre-op testing on Wednesday...very nervous about that!! I just wanted to let you know that I am sorry to hear that your family and friends are not being supportive and if you need someone to talk to...I am available!! Feel free to ask any questions and e-mail anytime. Hang in there. Stacey

Helen, I would love to be your mentor. I had surgery with Dr. Simon 1 year ago tomorrow. The first thing you need to know is that you are doing this for yourself and your health. Many people do not understand the way you feel physically and mentally. Your family fears for your safety from the surgery because they love you and perhaps have not thought about what the extra weight is doing to your health. Continue to give them information about the surgery and let them know how you are needing their support. I am sure you have gone through the pro's and con's of the surgery. Dr. Simon's office will contact you to attend pre-op meetings for those having surgery close to your date. A group of us from my pre-op meetings have kept in touch and have been able to lean on each other when the going gets rough, whether it be personal issues or WLS related. We share the good, the bad and the ugly. If you would like to e-mail me I would be happy to get you a phone number that I can be reached at. You are not alone in this. Your AMOS family will always be here, day or night. Vicky

Vicky, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. Exactly what I needed! I emailed you personally - you don't know how much this means to me. Thanks! Helen