All these emotions really SUCK!!

Hello all. Well I am down to less than a week to go before my surgery. For some reason I have been so very sad and depressed. I cry at the drop of a hat. I have managed to hurt my husbands feelings. I just don't know why exactly that I am feeling this way. I do feel very alone in this surgery process as my husband has to come back home and work the same night I have my surgery. He has now started to get that glazed look when I talk about the surgery. Even my kids don't want to talk about it anymore, Guess I just burned them all out on it. At least most of my friends at work are very supportive. And all of my AMOS family are great. Has anyone heard from Patti H? Reading her posts always made me laugh. Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year. Tammy Temple

Tammy, What you are feeling is quite normal. You are greiving the life you now have. You already know what the changes will be to you body but you are dealing with things like not being able to eat "normal" again. I went thru the same thing. I grieved my old life even as I longed for my new one. I wish only to tell you that it is all worth it! I am two months post-op and down 47 pounds. I am very happy with my choice even on the days that I wish I could buy a Route 44 coke from Sonic! Keep your chin up your journey is about to begin! Tanya T

Oh boy do I remember the emotions!! I went through the really POd stage because of what I had to do to my body to lose weight. I was not happy about forcibly taking away food choices in my life. This is a BIG deal and unfortunately the people we live with just cannot relate to what we have had to endure in our lives. I did not feel I could talk to my husband about it because he was still of the "if you just diet now like you will after surgery" college. Day of surgery I was totally calm and ready to get it over with. I recognized that it was the only chance I had to have a normal life. I just could not look into my husband's eyes before surgery or I would have started crying. He looked so tragic. Today I am down 21 pounds, plus the 15 pounds of fluids they added on. I am feeling good. My surgery has been a minor speed bump in my life thus far. With God's good will I will only continue to improve and be able to live a normal life in the months ahead. Good luck to you. Soon you will be on the losing side. Sandra

ohhh, what you are saying is SO normal, and SO common. You have to stop and think, it didn't take a WEEK for any of us to get here. Most of us, like myself had a LONG 8 month battle with insurance., or MORE. I KNOW my hubby was sick of it. Heck, it consumed me for SO long, I WAS SICK OF IT!! So yes, after some time, we simply didn't talk about it. I'd come here, or the other message board that I belong to, and "vent" there. He just didn't understand, in my eyes. No one can REALLY understand all the emotions, and pain, unless you are IN it. My surgery experience, working up to it, was very calm. I was so busy trying to kick that AWFUL cold I got, so I wouldn't lose my surgery date! All I prayed was "God, please don't take me from me kids. They NEED me, and I need THEM". That's all I asked. No other "special deals" or requests..lol. The morning of my surgery, it just felt surreal. I wasn't scared, nervous, anxious...NOTHING. Just seemed like I was going through the motions. Not to say being nervous, or scared it wrong. I just didn't FEEL those things. I felt very MUCH at peace. When it was time for me to head back, I gave Mark a kiss, and said see you in an hour! That was that! I woke up in recovery saying to myself, "so THIS is how it feels. Hmm, OK. " Once I remembered to quit tensing my tummy muscles up, it didn't feel so uncomfortable. That and the fact, I couldn't breathe as deeply as I felt I should be able to, so I got a little panicky with myself for a few seconds and then "reminded" myself, they HAVE oxygen on you, you are doing JUST fine, relax". Your pre-op class meditation will help HUGELY at this time. Part of my problem with breathing was I had had such a nasty cold, and it got into my chest, so coughing REALLY sucked. (in hind sight, I'm sure it actually HELPED me, tho) I did have a few times once I got home, where I wondered "damn, was I REALLY ready to give up all those foods I loved"? (those damned ARBY's commercials about KILLED me!! --as I sat and sipped my BROTH!!) In the days to come, I could honestly and easily say "YES! I made the right decission" The first week, you analyze everything, as there is some pain and not much else to do, so that is what you tend to think about! The whole "poor me" thing. Trust me hon, by week 2, you'll feel like your ol' self again, pretty much. And you won't second guess your decission much at all. Nothing is forever! I come from the school that as long as I'm not eating sweets and so-called "forbidden" foods on a daily basis, I'm FINE. I refuse to deprive myself from the joys of life. That includes FOODS. I have even had a chocolate covered cherry (**GASP!**) and once I had it, I was fulfilled and happy! I have had SMALL pieces of pumpkin pie @ Christmas. Again, I allow myself to do that! Because its NOT everday!!! I MUST say, this surgery does NOT cure the food demons, or those voices in your head. You "know" this, you hear it all the time, but it still will try to kick your butt from time to time. Thankfully, a dose of common sense is there also. ("DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BOTCH A $24,000 LIFE SAVING/CHANGING SURERY??!!") NO!! The head to tummy thing is what is hard for me. Prime example: those quiches they sell @ Trader Joes. (warning, no they are NOT low-fat by anymeans, but they ARE a GREAT source of protein, and its not like you can eat the whole thing at one setting anyhow!!) Well, my head and eyes see how small they are and think "APPETIZER!" (after all, it would have been, prior to surgery!!) THEN,,,tummy steps in and says "Ummm, NO. 1/4 of this will do me JUST fine". To which my head replies "AW, come ON!! Its not THAT much food!!" (it really IS....one of those will last me 4 meals!!) This drives me NUTS!! Which they would both get on the same page!! LOL But, I'm only a little better than a month out, so its still very new to me. This morning, I had a small square of the "egg bake" I make every Christmas eve night, for Christmas morning. (you line a cake pan with bread and top it with essentially, scrambled eggs, ham onions, peppers and then let it soak overnight, bake it the next day,,MMM!) My hubby likes to tease me (kind heartedly, mind you) now as I use little plates (its a MIND game...makes it look like you have TONS of food..,..lol) Anyhow, he looks at the small piece and says "Geesh, you gonna eat ALL of that"? (it was a very small piece, mind you) And I laughed and said "well, probably not ALL of it"..lol Then he makes the piggy snorting noises...LOL The wise ass. He laughs when he sees what I eat now. He's amazed. I ALSO discovered I now have skinny TOES!!! It was SO funny! I got out of the shower, was drying off and I thought "what the HELL is up with my toes!?" They looked all, wrinkly, with skin..lol Well, here I have lost weight from them, too! (bought a size 8 shoe, instead of a 9 the other day too!) AH YES....the many, many blessings and joys you'll find... I'll quit babbling now, all I can say is VALIDATE and ACKNOWLEDGE whatever it is your are feeling. None of it is "wrong". I'm here for you, as always. Ever need to talk...drop me an e-mail when can talk over the phone. HUGS! Mich

Thanks so much Mich, I needed to hear that. I think that I bit off more than I could chew this month what with the wedding and all the Dr. appt's and the upcoming surgery. You really did help. You really are an Thanks a bunch, Tammy

Tammy, I am so excited for you! Everything your feeling seems to be the norm. I too, know I will be feeling the same way. Take care of yourself and hang in there. This will be the best thing yet! Keep us posted! Kim Richards