Sharing with loved ones

I have a little problem and I am looking for some advise on how to handle it. I live 3000 miles away from my parents and speak to them almost daily. My mother, who was heavy most of her life, lost her weight through weigh****chers and battles to keep it off everyday. She is totally against my decission to have this surgery because she feels like I should be able to follow in her footsteps. Should I keep her out of this loop because I am not sure I can handle her negativity at this point? I love her dearly and am not sure how I should do this without hurting her feelings. Anne

Tough one!  ......Would your mother be supportive if you flatter her by telling her you've decided to follow in HER footsteps by taking control of your life and getting healthier the way your doctor has suggested?  Maybe if you tell her that it will be very difficult for you to change your life and to govern your supplements for the rest of your life,. then she'll respect you for your sacrifice?  But then again........why pander?  Tell her you're having a little medical procedure (gall bladder surgery could happen at the same time?) and then  attribute your amazing weight loss to your healthy food choices and new active lifestyle.  You wouldn't be fibbing at all!!!! Good luck!  I chose to keep my surgery in the closet and then came out after I knew I was a success and could take some bragging rights!  *winks*  After I ditched my insulin, high blood pressure meds, high cholesterol meds, etc, It was easy to prove the value of WLS! Kudos to your Mom for working on it diligently every day!  It is definitely a daily battle for each of us but there are many roads that take one to Rome!.

This is the time you have to stand on your own if you decide for surgery or not.  Nobody, no matter how much they love you, can decide such a personal matter.  This is your journey, not mom's, and you are in command of your ship.  Good luck.

My DW and I had RNY procedures done in March of this year.  Some of our family members were "less than supportive" of our decisions.  Most of these family members have changed their perspectives/minds as they've seen the dramatically positive changes our surgeries have made in our lives within such a short period of time.  They've watched me lose the c-pap and sleep apnea  after 2 months, and seen first hand our energy increase and look younger and healthier.  It is amazing to watch someone take control of their life, and achieve such VISIBLE results.   We had to tell one negative family member that we'd done our homework, we prayed about it, and felt good about it, and let her know that what we really needed was POSITIVE support in the decision we had already made including prayers in our behalf as we went through the surgery.  I think this helped her to realize we respected her even though we had made a decision she didn't agree with, and wanted her support in the process.  We then regularly kept her updated on how we were doing post-surgery.  I think she felt a part of the process, and we grew closer through the process. --Dave 350/210/205

Anne, I had a few family members that were against me getting the surgery also. They were concerned about the dangers of it, and didn't really fully understand why I would choose to do it. In the end I finally had to get stern and tell them they could either get supportive, or stay away. They came around quickly when faced with those options. Sometimes you just have to stand up for yourself.  You just have this one body, and one life. It really isn't anyones business how or if you lose weight, even your mothers. I think if you tell her or not just depends on how you feel. If you feel she won't be supportive, it might be best to keep her out of the loop until she can get on board. It is crucial to have a great support system for it to be successful. It is funny how the ones that love us the most can be the most reluctant ones to get on board. Great luck to you! I can imagine how torn you must feel.