It changes everything

I had my bypass on November 14, 2000, my entire life has changed. I divorced, remarried, changed jobs, etc. I now suffer from depression, I don't know if this is from losing pounds, losing my husband of 13 years, empty nest syndrome(though the remarriage brought a 13 & 9 y.o. into my home full time), etc. All I know is that since I had my surgery my entire life has changed. Some for the good, some for the bad, some that has not only broken my heart, but my spirit. I am six years post op, my weight is down to 120 pounds, yet every day I look in the mirror and step on the scale, I don't see success, just a life that I have lost. This surgery changed my life in more ways than I even thought it would. I am just curious as to people who are as far out as I am are coping.

Hey sweetie pie! You have had a series of major events that send most people for a loop to experience just one of those things. I'm not surprised that you are depressed. .....I want to congratulate you on your great weight but suspect you wouldn't process the compliment as such right now. .....You might consider hopping over to the Graduate Forum where you can hook up with folks who are further post-op. I am just 4 years post-op and other than going through the empty nest syndrome; have not experienced your same things. ......But, the way that I am coping is to actually work in the field of Bariatrics. I started out as a volunteer and somewhat of a poster girl for my surgeon's program and then have done contract work for various programs. I currently work for an entirely different surgeon and absolutely love it. I also teach music lessons to children and adults and so I get my fill of kids through the lessons. I hated my body, my house, my life and everything when I had too much idle time so I have over compensated a bit by filling the plate to overflowing. But....being busy with great things is a happy place for me. ... In fact, any spare minutes I get, I type away on support sites. It fills my cup and when I am thinking of others then I'm thinking less about me. I am learning to think about me in in a better light as well by trying to "reframe" my self talk. And.....dont' rule out getting some counseling of some type. WE are just human and sometimes need sounding boards and a little loving guidance. How about joining a bunch of us for one of the Holiday get togethers? 12th in Chandler and 14th in Phoenix. Support groups are great resources for venting too. I wish you a happy moment soon and that your broken heart can heal! Big Huggggzzzz, Joyce

Pam, I think Joyce's advice to you was wonderful. Talking with other people in the same "place" you are makes you not feel so alone. I remember being depressed, serioiusly, when I moved from Southern California to Norther CA., and having to change jobs. I had a career in So. CA, now I had to start over....I started gaining weight, going to doctors for counseling, and getting more depressed. I kept moving forward, pushing myself to get my license again for my career change into real estate lending, but I still had to start over. Who was I going to do loans for???? It's a commission only position that takes a couple of years to build up. Then my marriage fell apart, that was the only reason I moved north in the first place, his job transfer. It didn't seem like anything was going right. I didn't even hardly know anyone up there. But the few work friends I had (after I got my license) were really great. Slowly I started getting into walking at night after work with a few of the neighbor women, with eating so much less I was also losing a lot of weight. Then I was buying new clothes, and actually making money in my new career. Someone had said to me that sometimes you just have to put a smile on your face and keep going....one day you'll wake up and things really will seem better. It won't be overnight, but keep working at it. Your life will turn around if you keep working towards your goal. I doubt your weight loss had anything to do with the marriage not working, there is so much positive with the lost weight. Your health has greatly improved, not to mention your overall appearance. Don't make that the reason things are not working for you. The reason things aren't working may never be answered, it really isn't even important if you think about it. Just the fact that you don't like your life at the moment and want to make changes is where I would start. Ask yourself what would make you happy? You may think it's having the husband back, but if that's impossible, then you need to be more realistic and not use that as an excuse to stay depressed. I can't answer you as a post op person since my surgery isn't until January and the time period I'm talking about for myself was 15 years ago. The good that came out of what happened to me is a great career in lending that I've been in since that time, I can live anywhere and know that I can start over if I want to. I met and married another great man from the Bay Area that I would have never met had I not moved to Northern CA. We have had a great life together and I would have never thought when my marriage ended that could ever happen again. At the time I was so resentful moving to the Bay Area and giving up a career that paid really well and one that I totally loved, only to have the marriage fall apart. How could things be any worse, but look around you, there are worse things, people have terminal illnesses, some people lack the ability to seek out help when they desperately need it. Your not like that, take advantage of what's around you and the help people are willing to give you, open yourself up to change and good things will happen. I know that for sure...I lived through it... A friend, CaroleM