How to get your family's OK

Where to begin lol :-D . Ok first off i am 32 years old 5'3 and around 280 and i am a single mom to a beautiful 5 year old little girl. I moved here from OK with my mom & dad because i just got out of a really bad relationship and i had no job, car, money, or a place to live. So i moved out here with my mom & dad and went to work at one of the casinos here in Tucson. We are buying a house together so as much as i hate to say this i still live with my mommy & daddy lol :-D . Ok to the problem lol...............well i have wanted to have WLS but both my mom and dad think its wrong. They think i can lose weight and keep if off on my own. They think it is a quick fix and that i would be taking the easy way out. Everytime i bring it up they both start in with the preaching about i just need to set my mind to losing weight that i havn't tried to do it the healthy way. They make me feel quilty that i want to do it ( WLS ). I have tried lord knows i've tried but i just can't. My mom says " Don't be a quitter " but i just can't do it on my own. I have been overweight all my life and i really do believe that if i don't have the surgery i will not live a long and healthy life. I feel like i have to sneak just to be on this site because like i said whenever i say anything ( or when they see anything ) the start preaching. I know i am an adult and i need to do whats best for me but i so want there support! What do you do? Thanks for reading my problems lol. Just don't know what to do! Billie Jean

Hey Billie Jean, Just give them the "need to know only" information if they continue to challenge you. If they are open to information and are computer savvy then shoot them a bunch of links so they can study on their own. Many WLS patients are in the closet with their choice....I was for a long time til the rumor's in my church congregation had me about to die from cancer cuz of my tremendous weight loss (and hair loss! Yikes!)......I had to come clean with a couple of gossips so they would take care of telling the rest! LOL! I had a disagreeable hubby when I was pursuing WLS so I made him go to support meetings with me before my surgery so he'd know how to "take care" of me. Welll....he not only turned into my best cheerleader, he decided to have the surgery as well!.....As for my relatives (Mom, sisters, brothers, etc.) who live elsewhere. The power of the surgery was seen by them when I showed up minus a hundred pounds, had muscled legs and arms from working out, had eliminated major life threatening co-moribidiities and had obnoxious amounts of energy! ..........They stil make their digs and my skinny sister is quite happy that I have had some regain but the other thing I gained while losing was confidence in "ME" and my ability to choose for myself. I learned to tell my mother lovingly that it was not alright for her to tell me that I was fat and that it was not alright for her to sabotage my success post-op by offering me baked goodies. I lighten many heavy family moments by just giving them a hug and telling them that I appreciate their concern.....and then change the subject like,...... "so where should we go shopping first? !!!!" Study and be strong! Joyce

Weight Loss Surgery is not the easy way out. It is major surgery... it takes alot of physical and mental preparation. Have you attended a seminar yet? I would suggest you attend one and bring your parents with you. If you decide you want to do the surgery, it is your decision! Not your parents! When I told my parents I was thinking about this, they too were cautious. Then as time went on my mom was very supportive, my dad a bit surpressed. I remember going to the seminar and I asked my mom "is dad against this?" As the months went on and I was in the process of getting things approved and as my surgery date arrived my dad was more and more supportive. He is very proud of me that I made the decision to better my quality of life. Like yourself, I thought I could do it on my own and after many failed attempts and regaining weight and more... I just realized I needed so more help. I hope you make the best decision for you! ~Nicole

hi Billie Jean -- I suggest you do what you want -- that's why it's called 'your life'. i listened to my family up until I was 56 -- what did it get me -- a fat, unhappy, unhealthy life. I will be 58 Saturday and I'm living life beyond my wildest dreams as a much smaller person. My health issues are all gone. And I'e never been happier. Sheryl 320/175/160 Oct. 28th, 2006

Hi Billie Jean, I was worried about how my family would respond too. My aunt had the surgery a couple of years ago and had said to the family that she didn't think anyone else should have it because of the complications she has had. Additionally, my step-father had the surgery many years ago and has since passed away. If you just look at the surface issues in both of their situations then it is easy to say that the surgery is a bad idea. However, in my aunt's case, she has had many serious back surgeries and has many other health issues that have affected how she has healed from the surgery. I don't have the same health issues that she has. In my step-father's case, he had been an alcoholic for most of his life, prior to and after the surgery. He also didn't follow the guidelines for the surgery and did his best to stretch his pouch out so he could eat more. He also had the surgery many years ago before advances were made and before surgeons were experienced enough to do the surgery well. He passed away from many years of abuse to his body and not from the surgery. In regards to my family, I approached my mother first but made it clear to her that I had already made the decision, that I had done a lot of research, and that I was willing to answer any questions that she had. I didn't really leave room open for her to argue or preach to me. After I told her, she was very supportive. I found that as I told each new family member, I became more and more confident with my decision. I think that they were accepting of my decision because I was sure that it was the right decision for my life. To be honest, I am 34 and I weigh quite a bit more than you do. I wish that I had made this decision 2 years ago or even 5 years ago when I had less to lose but I had the mind-set that I could lose it on my own. I guess I just needed to fail at it enough times before I realized that I needed this extra tool, wls, to finally be successful. Also, I think that the timing had to be right for me. I think that most people who are not in our situation do not understand that morbid obesity is a disease. They think that we should lose the weight the old fashion way with diet and exercise. They don't really understand that there is an addictive component to this disease that is very hard to overcome. They also don't understand that surgery isn't "the easy way out" and that for long term success we still have to change our dietary habits and make exercising a part of our everyday lives. WLS is just a tool to help get past the beginning stages when the addictive component of food is overwhelming for most of us. It still takes commitment and effort to make the lifelong changes that are required after WLS and I am proud to be on the path towards changing my life for good. I would encourage you to do as much research as you can before talking with your parents again. I would also encourage you to be confident in your decision when you approach them. Once I had my mother's support I then told her that if she was going to be my support person, she needed to understand that I would have moments of fear and moments where I regretted my decision but I would need her to stay strong for me. She agreed to take on that role for me and has done a great job. I wish you the best as I know this is a difficult decision to make but I also understand the need to have your family's support. I wish you the best of luck! Take care, Sandi

I just want to thank you all for all the words of advice. It really means a lot to me! I really need to get the ball rolling. Thanks guys Billie Jean