Unsupportive friends & family

I need some help. I am sitting here typing this with tears in my eyes. I scheduled my surgery with Dr. Joya in Puerta Vallarta. I told my sisters about it becasue I was originally going to go by myself. Neither of them can come with me. Which is fine I guess but now they are coming down on me for having my surgery in MExico & why am I having it all. I just wanted to scream at them. My one sister can't go becasue she has jury duty. JURY DUTY!!!! Can you believe it. Obvioully you are not that concerned about me if you can 't rearrange your schedule for jury duty. She actually had the nerve to say when I asked her to get out of it. "There isn't a box available on the back to be checked for surgery." WHAT?WHAT?WHAT?WHAT? Then for them to get on my case about having surgery. "You don't need it. Just go on a diet." I have been on a FREAKIN' diet since I was 9!!!!!! I tried expalining to her, she has no idea what it is like to be a prisoner in your own body, to not be able to fit on a plane seat, to get made fun of by strangers, to be out of breath walking up a flight of stairs etc...... I am so beside myself. I am just sitting her bawling!!!!

My friend just got back from PV last Wed.......Her surgeon was Dr. Joya. She had a very good experience. She was showing me the pics of the hotel...beach and everything today. She is 20 lbs down since the liquid diet and surgery on May 26th...she is thrilled. Sandy Dr. Fang 11/04/04 187 lbs down

isn't jury something you can't get out of? either way.. your family is your family. There's no getting around that, and they will have their opinions like you have yours. The difference, you know yourself better than anyone else. Telling your family though about the surgery alone can be a big thing (it was for me) and hearing that it is in Mexico, which doesn't have the best PR when it comes to medicinal/surgical needs lately. You need their support, everyone needs someones support. And I support you if you feel you are educated enough about this, have a reliable doctor that you have met a patient of his and read his referrals, and if your body is needing this. You alone make a decision but family, friends, need to comfort you. Just take it day by day, and if they make you go through this without them, then you need to find yourself a supportive family.. like a support group, or an Angel. Like you said, she has no idea what it is like to be you and what you have had to deal with. With this surgery you will most likely become a happier, more active and outgoing person. And your family will see this and know you made the right decision. good luck

Jennifer, I'm really relating to what you're going through. I've gone through some of the same stuff with my family and even two years out, it continues. My mother kept asking me questions like - What are you going to do with all that excess skin? I told her I was having it cut off and making her a lampshade for her birthday. My sister was here from Chicago last week and has not seen me since plastic surgery. I got a daily criticism.... Those pants make your butt look big. That dress isn't very flattering. You shouldn't wear that blouse again. Not once has she ever acknowledged my weight loss or that I look four thousand percent better than I did a few years ago. From my other sister, I went through all the questioning before surgery about why I didn't try another diet, exercize more, yada, yada, yada. Here's the long and short of it.... It's your body and your life. Your sisters may be concerned, they may be jealous may, but obviously they don't have a clue. Don't own their issues, just do what you need to do for you. You're not having this surgery for them and in the end, their opinions really don't matter. The only thing that counts is how you feel and what you think. Good luck with your surgery and when you're sleek and trim, this will all be a distant memory. Connie

Jennifer, Forgot about them. You need to focus on you and not people who are unsupportive. Are your sisters overweight? If they are, they are probably afraid of losing an eating buddy. Take care, Randi

I'm so sorry to hear that. My younger sister was like that when I first started looking into this surgery. She did the whole, "you are beautiful just they way you are thing. And if you would just diet you will be just fine." But now (several years later) she is much more fine with it. My mom was the hardest to win over on the surgery. Just remember you are doing this for yourself... not them, not anyone but yourself. They can jump on the wagon or not. But don't let them stop you. You have us. You can ask, share, complain and we will still be here. Take Care of yourself in Mexico. Tiff

Actually you can get out of Jury Duty. They can reschedule you for a later Date. Jennifer i wish you the best of luck oon your up coming surgery. Don't let other people hinder your choice to have WLS. I am positive that you will be fine i have heard only good things about Dr. Joya so i know you'll be fine. On the Plus side you are going to be in an absoltuely beautiful enviroment in Puerto Vallarta. Hopefully you'll get a chance to catch one of their sunsets while your there.

Oh my gosh! ..... It souns like you need to round up a few of us to do a little Mexico vacation with you!!!! .....I undersatnd the "unsupportive relative" thing....I've been 140 pounds lighter for over 3 years and my sister still finds something to put me down about with my surgery choice. Now, she swears that my wrinkles around my eyes are because I lost so much weight so fast! .....There comes a time in our lives when we have to choose to surround ourselves with positive people as often as we can. Though we love our famlies ......we have to teach them out to treat us! What if you told your sister that this is very important to you and it's an opportunity for you to get your health on track and that it would mean so much to you if she would accompany you, support you and just trust you with your educated decision..... perhaps you don't agree with all of her choices but we as adults, we have to make our own journey! You've got oodles of love from your AZ WL buds!!!! Let us help you out however we can and if you seriously need someone to go with you to Mexico then turn to your close friends....We can choose our friends but we can't choose our family. ....Make your choice be something psoitive for yourself!!! Huggggzz to you! Joyce

If you have wrinkles around your eyes it's because you love to smile and laugh and you know how to have fun. (just like me too) That is what my wrinkly gramma and wrinkly mom and wrinkly mother-in-law say. So you can just tell her . Wrinkles are sexy just like bald heads! Tiff

Tiff!!!! You totally rock sweetie pie! the wrinkly eyed girlfriend, Joyce