Time to ask for help

Be forewarned, this may end up being a fairly long post but I have been lurking for a while and now it's time to stop putting things off and seek the help I need because obviously, I cannot do this on my own anymore. Also, there is some personal information included in the post but I feel it is important in understanding my situation.

I'm a 48 year old female living in the river valley. I had gastric bypass surgery in my early 30's and it was a resounding success. I went from around 350lbs down to around 180. Fast forward around 4 years and I did a few things I am not proud of, and as a result, my husband and I had some major issues. It looked like our marriage was ending and that, compounded with my untreated clinical depression, led me to attempt suicide. After my stint in the hospital, I came home and spiraled down into more and more of a depression. Thanks to some wonderful friends I was able to get medical care and start medical and therapy treatment for my depression. Over time my husband and I worked things out as well, but by this time the damage was done and I had begun to gain back all the weight I had lost.

I think at this point I was in denial that I was gaining it back. Things sorta went past in a blur and the next thing I know I'm back up over 300 lbs again.

I tried to lose weight on my own at this point but nothing I seem to do works. I find it difficult to exercise because of the intense pain. My back, knees, and hips all hurt me to the point of tears if I try to stand more than around 10 to 15 minutes at a time. I have developed tye 2 diabetes and I have high blood pressure. When I try to follow a traditional "diet plan" I find myself hungry 24/7.

At this point, I looked into a revision for my original surgery in hopes of curbing my appetite enough to get back on track with weight loss and to loose enough where I could exercise and help it along. However, after going through all of the requirements for surgery with Roller Weight Loss, I was taken into surgery, only to wake up and be told that nothing could be done. They said that my original limb was too short and it was taken around back behind my stomach rather than in front of it, so there is literally no way to revise it. I was offered the ROSE procedure, however, I was told that it runs around $7K, and insurance does not cover it. Besides, the research I have done on the ROSE does not look that promising in the first place.

Feeling desperate, I asked my PCP about putting me on weight loss medication, and she refused due to the fact that 1) I have high blood pressure and she said that those medications make it even worse and 2) she said that once a person goes off weight loss medication, they tend to gain it all back.

Right now I feel like because of screwing up my original surgery all is lost and I'm doomed to just die as I am. My doctor points out to me that I can do this. She uses the fact that I was able to give up smoking 20+ years ago cold turkey as proof that I have the will power. This is not like that, though. I have tried and tried again and I just can't seem to do it on my own.

I guess I hope that one of you may have some suggestions that I have not thought of yet.

I guess I should add, I have pretty good insurance. I have Humana to go along with my Medicare.

I am so sorry for the multiple posts. I tried finding a "delete" button or an "edit" button but there is just not one that I can find anywhere.

As I said before I do have pretty good insurance. Humana in addition to my Medicare.

The reason I was approved for revision surgery is it was determined that my pouch is dilated to approximately 4 times the size it should be, and my stoma has stretched out to around 3 times the size it should be.