What Happened To Me? (Alcoholism)

 I had surgery 15 Aug 2007.  2 years prior I quit smoking at the drop of a hat (went for surgery in 2005 and sent home from Pre-OP for elevated carbon dioxide levels, due to Medicare I had to wait almost 2 years for a Centers of Excellence).  
The first 2 years were fine.  Then one day camping I had a few mixed drinks.  Then a few months later at a concert I had some watered down Smirnoff drinks.  A while later a watered down beer.  Next thing I knew I had spent a year or so drinking every weekend and once in a while on weekdays.  (I live in a dry county but had a friend that worked in Little Rock on fridays).  One bottle (a fifth) a weekend, then led to 2 bottles, which by the end of it (a few months ago) I had topped out at 6 bottles (fifths) in a week.  Now in therapy and attending NA (AA is in another city and I don't drive) I can't help but wonder, what happened to me?  

I had, pre-op, a few addictions that I never considered to be addictions until now.  In 1998 my partner committed suicide and I drank for a few months to "cope" but I quit that without a problem and it was atleast 8 years before I ever had a drink again.  In 2001-2002 I dealt with a small meth addiction, but I chocked it up to working 12 hr shifts 4-6 days a week, and when I stopped working (due to going on disability for lung disease which meth brought on) I quit that as well at a drop of a hat.  Either of those things I never looked back on, I did them because at the time I needed to, or so I thought.  Was this a precursor to what I am going through now?  How did I not see this coming?  Alcoholism hit me like a runaway train.  I tried to quit a few times without success, then thinking I was being sneaky and my room mate of almost 8 years didn't have a clue, I drank more and more.  Each time I tried to quit on my own, when I relapsed it got worse.  Recent bloodwork told me that my liver and kidney survived.  But what of the rest of me? 

I finally reached bottom, so I think, when one night my room mate begged me to stop drinking.  He said I was the reason he was on blood pressure medicine and was causing him stomach problems, from worrying all night.  I had no idea he was getting hardly any sleep at night because every few hours he was checking to see if I was breathing.  That night he said if I didn't stop, he was leaving me to live with either his mother (who is a drug addict - pot - and has severe health problems and has an alcoholic husband) or his sister (who is a meth addict and pregnant with her 5th child and is still doing drugs and runs a drug house).  I know he would be unhappy in either home and it just kills me that I drove him to this.  

I feel like the spider who has woven this web and I have dragged everyone around me into it.  It was one thing that I was "hurting" myself, but to be putting other people, people I love, through this hell.  

I never considered myself to have a food addition post-op either.  I rarely ate, eating 1 big meal a day.  I thought I just ate the wrong foods and at 400lbs I couldn't walk so it didn't matter if all I ate was rabbit food, I was going to keep getting bigger.  But now I have re-evaluated all these "little" things in my past and wonder if I was doomed to addiction problems regardless??  

The positive thing is that I know I have a problem, I am seeing a therapist, I am going to meetings and my room mate and I have talked almost daily about this, bringing us closer together and hopefully I will stop sleeping on the couch and move back into the bedroom where I belong.  

As for now, I am not looking to not drink next week or next month, I am looking to not drinking TODAY and tomorrow I will wake up and look forward to not drinking that day either.  

This is my story and I pray daily that it ends well.  Because I and my health and body and my room mate, can not risk going through this again.  Just because I got lucky this time, does not mean the next drink won't destroy me or even kill me.

Wow, that's a lot to handle on your plate.  It seems like you are trying to head in the right direction and you have some support.   Overeating is also an addiction so a lot of us will trade one addiction for another trying to self medicate our problems without really realizing it.  Hopefully you and your therapist can work through it.  I'm glad your room mate is supportive.  I'll be thinking of you and sending strong vibes your way.  Take care.

WOW, I am so happy you are seeking help, that is the first step! I am in Newport and had RNY June 30, 2003. I was 409 now I stay between 165-175 just to tell you a little bit about me. I find  A LOT of people who have had the surgery go to alcohol or something! A very good friend died a year ago yesterday due to alcohol :( She to had the surgery it only took her 1 year her organs shut down. If you ever need someone to chat with I would be Glad to talk or even meet up with you. PLEASE take care and I will be praying for you.

Janine Engler

 Thanks for the words of encouragement Sybyl and Janine.  Janine what you said about your friend really scared me.  Because I was very lucky that I had not killed myself doing this and that what Ive had checked so far (insides) seem to be in good condition.  I won't know about the rest (gall bladder, pouch, etc..****il I can manage to get back into Dr. Baker's office, if I have not been written off for non-compliant, and if I have, I am going to beg and cry to let me back.  

Wow.  I've been MIA for so long.  I had no idea you were having troubles and I hope it gets better soon.

Most surgeons won't do WLS on anyone who has any history of addiction.  It's in Dr. Baker's questionnaire I know.  I'm surprised he agreed to operate on you (assuming you were truthful in your answers to your questionnaire).  Although some WL surgeons will do WLS on a former addict if the prospective patient attends counciling first and the councelor agrees that the patient won't be likely to have transfer addiction issues. 

I know you said you never really considered yourself a food addict pre-op.  I've seen some people on this forum and just out in the real world that believe that about themselves.  But I really think MOST people who have WLS (or who just get as heavy as most of us were) have SOME sort of food addiction. 

I know I did.  I look back at the quantity of food I ate - and many times, the quality of food I ate - and I have NO doubts that I was a food addict. 

So really, in my opinion, MOST of us are addicts.  We are (or were in our case) addicted to food.  I do understand most surgeon's reluctance to operate on someone with a history of addiction (because the history of addiction would make that person more likely to pick up that addiction again whenever their food addiction is taken from them).  So I get the logic I guess. 

But I really think you can beat this.  I don't think you are "doomed" all your life to addiction problems.  I do think addictive tendencies run in families and I do think some people are definately more prone to addiction than others.  But I do not believe ANYONE is "doomed" to addiction unless they allow themselves to be. 

Do what you have to do to get healthy again.  You can do it.

Miss you all.

Wen

I was truthful in my answers but I don't remember when I did his questionairre there being anything about addiction in it.  My paperwork was done in 2005 I believe so he may not have had anything in there about it then.  I know I was truthful in my psych eval and the psych did not consider it an addiction because it was so short-lived and I quit immediatly after I stopped working. 

But researching online I have found that many people end up with severe addictions (sex/drugs/alcohol) who did not have a serious addiction pre-op.  Aside from the obvious food-addiction. 

I am doing so much better and have not even thought about drinking once since that night I quit.  I think I am going to be fine.  The depression over what happened is just about gone and things are looking so much better.